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probably not noah

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Everything posted by probably not noah

  1. Lefevre On The Rise Seattle Bears defender James Lefevre is quietly climbing his way into the league’s elite. Lefevre just finished his fourth season in the league, and thanks in part to the retirement of Clark Marcellin and Ryan Sullivan, he is suddenly looking like one of the best defensemen the league has to offer. While he has yet to win any individual accolades, or even earn an all-star nomination for that matter, Lefevre has been one of the most stellar defensive forces in the league over his career, a fact that is becoming more evident as his career progresses. It seems that going into this year, Lefevre is rivaling Quebec’s Valiq brothers in terms of top defensemen in the league, albeit with a very different game. The strength in Lefevre’s game comes from strong defensive poise, something that isn’t highly valued in an offense-minded league like the VHL. It’s easy to forget the impact that Lefevre has had so far in his career. He has spent its entirety on a Seattle Bears team that has yet to make the playoffs, and this year was the only time the team was looking remotely competitive. Nevertheless, Lefevre has managed to put up impressive defensive statistics, and is developing into a solid all-round player. In fact, if his career continues on this trajectory, he could find himself cemented among the greats of VHL history. This may seem like an overstatement given Lefevre’s lack of accomplishments thus far, but the stats indicate otherwise. Through four seasons Lefevre is sitting at an impressive 1216 career hits, already enough to surpass his father and put him in the league’s top 30 all-time. The only player on that hits list that has more hits per game is David Smalling, who sits atop it. If Lefevre continues at this pace over the next four seasons, he will be pushing, and possibly even de-throne Smalling as the league’s most prolific hitter. In addition to his hits, Lefevre has 704 career shot blocks. This number may have been padded slightly by starting his career on a weak team, yet it is also important to remember that the team’s defense was only weak in Lefevre’s rookie year. Since then, the Bears have consistently had one of the deepest defensive corps in the league, currently boasting names like Karsten Olsen and Edwin Encarnacion alongside Lefevre. With two more good defensive seasons, Lefevre could find himself in the elusive 1000 hits/1000 shots blocked club. If Lefevre is able to block 300 shots over the next four years, which seems likely given his typical output, he will be just the sixth player in VHL history to reach the achievement. The silence around Lefevre’s successes could soon disappear. The Seattle Bears are poised to be a threat for the first time in his career, he is entering his prime, and the VHL’s top two defensemen have just retired and left a void that needs to be filled. It seems that the stars may be aligning just right for Lefevre, and the next two seasons could see the recognition and breakout of one of the greatest defensive players the VHL has ever seen.
  2. A WILD MUFFINS APPEARS MUFFINS USES CHIRPS IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE
  3. I stand by my Panthers. Made a run early in their existence, laughing stock of the league since.
  4. The only time grades mean shit in high school is the year before you apply for university
  5. Your goal shouldn't even be to get an A. Your goal should be to create a piece of work that you are proud of.
  6. A lot of strange and weak sentence syntax, I could give it a once-through and edit it if you wanted, but the key points follow: - Watch your redundancies and clichés. "This is my story" is utterly redundant, it's implied. - NEVER use a semicolon. Semicolons are fucking useless. As Kurt Vonnegut says, "they are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing." - Saying things like the brothers are good role models is unnecessary. Show don't tell, later in the sentence you say that the brothers taught the narrator, and that he's always looked up to them. That description shows you that they're good role models, no need to state it. - Continuity and tense errors, watch it with that. You seem to get second and first person mixed up a little bit, watch for that. You asked for your dialogue though, so here goes: - You don't need to say who said each sentence, it's usually implied by the flow of dialogue. - Your introduction to the dialogue is awkward too. You don't need to tell the readers that the man asked if he was alright if you proceed to have the character ask that in the next sentence. - With that being said, your dialogue flow itself seemed pretty solid to me. - The grammar with the dialogue is atrocious. But the people above me have posted how to fix most of that, and if you want me to proofread I can fix that and teach you how to properly do quotes. Also, the Soviet Union disbanded in 1991, the last Olympics they competed in was 1988. The KHL was formed in 2008. Assuming that the grandfather played in the final 3 olympics of the Soviet Union, his first Olympic season was 1980. That is to say he had to have a 28 year career of professional hockey if he played one year of KHL hockey. Seeing as I don't believe the narrator's last name is Howe, you might wanna check yo facts.
  7. You've got it all wrong. The Vasteras curse wasn't broken, it just got tired so it took a year off. We all need a break sometimes.
  8. Why haven't you been moving threads into the updated point tasks section?
  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnTCwg7-UKg
  10. As much as I would love to toot my own horn and vote for one of mine, the Defenseman of the Year was just so goddamn glorious
  11. I just saw this, I'm totally interested, my gamertag is PolyphonicJesus
  12. For some reason, I read "I almost choked on my side boob" there
  13. Strike this thread down now and it will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
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