SweatyBeaver

okay I'm gonna try my hand at a review and see how this goes.
 
First off I'm really impressed by you having the stats up there along with 3 images as well, the text is nice and you have a nice mix of talking about the player and some quotes as well. It's all nicely split up so it's easy to keep track of where you are when reading and no section feel like it drags on to long. You give us a little backstory on the player as well as his goals, that being that he just wants to play in the VHL and have a good time but you do share some stats as well and there not overwhelming and you shared some of the areas that we may want to improve on, like actually scoring a little more with 346 shots on net. I've read through this a few times and I can't note any major problems with your work here, there's a good flow, we get backstory, quotes, a bit of personality from the player and stats that are all well laid out. Great work on this and I hope to see another great media spot from you again! I give this a 10/10.

May 11, 2020. Growing up on a farm in rural Belgium Gregg Stallion’s dream of becoming a hockey star seemed impossible to reach, now he is one week away from seeing his dream fully realized and getting drafted into the world renowned Victory Hockey League. Stallion burst onto the scene in the VHLM as an early season waiver pick up for the Houston Bulls, expectations were not high for the Belgian sensation but that did not stop Stallion from quickly finding his place in the VHLM.
“A lot of the cockier players from North America seem to really care about going in the first round or being first overall and even have a goal to make the hall of fame. I am just honored to even have a chance to make it into this league I have always dreamed about” Stallion told scouts eager to get to know the young player.
Stallion is not one to brag about his personal achievements but upon looking closer at his initial season it is clear that there is a lot for the young player to brag about if he were to choose.
 
Offensive Statistics: One look at Stallion’s numbers show a player who easily entered the VHLM and made an immediate impact. In just 68 games Stallion managed to get an astonishing 44 goals and 51 assists totaling up to 95 points (Good for 1.4 ppg, the most of any player joining the league when Stallion did.)
 
 
Other Statistics: Points wise it is clear that Stallion had an amazing season but upon looking at his other stats even more intriguing and exciting potential can be seen for the young winger. “I like to shoot the puck a lot, could have scored more” Stallion said laughing while looking over his season stats and discovering that he had 346 shots on net, good for about 5 shots a game. He also wasn’t afraid to be physical totaling over 100 hits and getting more than 40 shots on net. The only glaring negative on Stallion’s stat sheet was his plus minus. But he played on one of the worst goal differential teams in the league (-134.)
 
 
Team Impact: Stallion was lucky to play with some of the most promising young players in the league, his usual line mates were Michael Hall and JJ Johnson and those three combined to form a dynamic line and turn one of the worst teams in the league into a genuinely exciting team at the end of the season. The impact that Stallion made in the locker room cannot be understated he quickly rose the ranks of the team and became the team captain despite being a waiver add. He brought joy and laughter in the locker room whether or not they were in the midst of a losing or winning streak. He started many of the inside jokes that really brought the team together though a really tough season.
 
 
It is clear that Stallion has tremendous upside in the upcoming draft and whatever team draft his should be counting their lucky stars, but for Stallion he does not care about the stuff that would pad his ego, he only cares about one thing. The dream that a young Belgian farmer had, would one day be reality.
 

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6th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards – S71
Another exciting regular season has come to a close. That means we can dole out some regular season awards! Welcome everyone to the 6th Annual Unofficial VHL Regular Season Awards for S71. Thanks to a comment in last season’s post, I’m including some goalie awards this year! Please keep the award suggestions coming!
 
These awards have been created by me. There is no voting process and they are not officially recognized by the VHL Board of Governors. I wrote descriptions for most of these award names in the original award post. Let’s get things underway!
 
The Pylon Award (worst +/- rating) – John Madden @Thranduil 
HC Davos claims this award for a 2nd straight season. They occupied the bottom 5 spots on this list. John Madden led the way with -43.
 
Previous Pylon Award Winners:
Season
Player
+ / -
S70
Bert Meyers
-45
S69
Basaraba Moose
-57
S68
Sven Hitz
-58
S67
Piotr Jerwa and Nethila Dissanayake
-34
S66
Bryce Zhields
-49
 
 
The Gandhi Award (least penalty minutes, min 1,000 minutes played) – Soren Jensen @Velevra
 
Jensen won this award with 4 PIM in 2,016 minutes played. Teemu Lehtinen Jr @Sixersfan549  also had 4 PIM, but lost the tiebreaker with only 1,112 minutes played.
 
Previous Gandhi Award Winners:
Season
Player
PIM
Minutes Played
S70
Denver Wolfe
2
1988
S69
Hugh Chan
4
2050
S68
Jack Lynch
0
1473
S67
Diljodh Starload
0
2091
S66
Beau Buefordsson
0
1939
 
 
The Timex Award (received most hits) – Hunter Hearst Helmsley @Beaviss 
 
Claiming the award for the 2nd year in a row, HHH was hit 274 times the season. That’s 8 less than last season but still enough to claim the award.  
 
Previous Timex Award Winners:
Season
Player
Hits Taken
S70
Hunter Hearst Helmsley
282
S69
John Madden
357
S68
Mikko Aaltonen
297
S67
Rauno Palo
302
S66
Beau Louth
300
 
 
The John Wayne Award (most shots on goal) - Scott Greene @DoktorFunk 
 
Greene was the only player to break the 400-shot barrier this season. He led the league with 402 shots on frame.
 
Previous John Wayne Award Winners:
Season
Player
Shots Taken
S70
Juilius Freeman
453
S69
Juilius Freeman
452
S68
Rylan Peace
466
S67
Matt Thompson
495
S66
Shane Mars
533
 
 
The “Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots blocked) - Guy LeGrande @Steve 
 
LeGrande had a chance of winning the John Wayne Award, but it looks like he had too many shots blocked, He had a league-leading 122 shots blocked.
 
Previous HtBotB Award Winners:
Season
Player
Own Shots Blocked
S70
Shawnomir Jagr
129
S69
Julian Borwinn
136
S68
Rylan Peace
144
S67
Beau Louth
153
S66
Oyorra Arroyo
142
 
 
The “Can’t Hit the Broadside of the Barn” Award (most own shots missed) – Guy LeGrande @Steve 
 
Or maybe it was the number of shots missed that kept him from winning the John Wayne Award. LeGrande missed 299 shots this season.
 
Previous CHtBotB Award Winners:
Player
Season
Shots Missed
S70
Juilius Freeman
343
S69
Elias Dahlberg
320
S68
Rylan Peace
351
S67
Beau Louth
364
S66
Roctrion King
372
 
 
The New Shin Pads Award (most blocked shots) – Aron Nielsen @solas   
 
Was Nielsen forced into early retirement because of all the shots he blocked this season? We may never know. He ends his career on a high note, leading the league with 153 shots blocked.
 
Previous New Shin Pads Award Winners:
Season
Player
Shots Blocked
S70
Guillaume Fontenette
145
S69
Guillaume Fontenette
166
S68
Seabass Perrin
207
S67
Piotr Jerwa
170
S66
Lando Baxter
189
 
The Tired Legs Award (most minutes played) - Julius Freeman @rjfryman 
 
Freeman takes home the award for a second straight season with 2,189 minutes played, an average of 30.41 minutes per game.
 
Previous Tired Legs Award Winners:
Season
Player
Minutes Played
S70
Juilius Freeman
2164
S69
John Madden
2259
S68
Mikko Aaltonen
2290
S67
Shawn Glade
2226
S66
Robert Malenko
2324
 
 
The Snap! Award (most power play minutes) - Julius Freeman @rjfryman 
 
And he claims this award for the 2nd consecutive year as well with 364 minutes on the power play. Vancouver was the only team with players recording over 300 power play minutes.
 
Previous Snap! Award Winners:
Season
Player
PP Minutes
S70
Juilius Freeman
372
S69
Elias Dahlberg
368
S68
Joseph McWolf
351
S67
Beau Louth
437
S66
Jake Davis
412
 
The 1 vs. 100 Award (most time on penalty kill) - Jacob Perry @Liberty_Cabbage 
 
Perry wins this award for the 2nd year in a row. He bested 2 of his teammates the lead the league with 344 minutes on the ice killing penalties.
               
Previous 1 vs. 100 Award Winners:
Season
Player
PK Minutes
S70
Jacob Perry
380
S69
Wolf Stansson Jr
328
S68
Jack Lynch
353
S67
Aron Nielsen
374
S66
Lew Bronstein
352
 
 
The Sean Archer Award (highest face-off win %) - Jet Jaguar @gorlab 
 
Jaguar won 61.84% of the 2,998 faceoffs he took. Last year’s winner, HHH, finished 2nd with 59.98%.
               
Previous Sean Archer Award Winners:
Season
Player
Face Off Pct
S70
Hunter Hearst Helmsley
60.78%
S69
Rauno Palo
59.45%
S68
Podrick Cast
62.56%
S67
Beau Louth
63.09%
S66
Rauno Palo
63.10%
 
 
The Castor Troy Award (lowest face-off win %, min 1,000 faceoffs) - Zeno Miniti @Zeno 
 
Well we might have to rename this award at this point. Zeno takes it home again with a league low 42.07% on 2,337. Amazingly enough he got the exact same face off percentage in consecutive seasons.
               
Previous Castor Troy Award Winners:
Season
Player
Face Off Pct
S70
Zeno Miniti
42.07%
S69
Zeno Miniti
32.27%
S68
Gritty
36.31%
S67
Gucci Garrop
35.07%
S66
Bryce Zhields
30%
 
 
The Triple Deke Award (most penalty shot goals) - Sigard Gunnar @Big Mac 
 
Gunnar scored an impressive 6 penalty shot goals on 9 attempts. Chad Magnum @Corco  also scored 6 goals but on 16 attempts, so the award goes to Gunnar.
               
Previous Triple Deke Award Winners:
Season
Player
Penalty Shot Goals
S70
Owen Nolan
6
S69
Owen Nolan
6
S68
Jorgon Weyed
6
S67
Veran Dragomir
8
S66
Leph Twinger
5
 
 
The Rocky Award (most fights won) – Owen Nolan @studentized 
 
Nolan went undefeated this season going 3-0-8. That’s enough to not only get him the Rocky award but also the VHL World Heavyweight Champion title belt.
               
Previous Rocky Award Winners:
Season
Player
Fights Won
S70
RJ Jubis and Ambrose Stark
2
S69
Edward Vigneault
4
S68
Tyler Barabash Jr
2
S67
ACL TEAR
6
S66
Ryuu Crimson
4
 
 
The Glass Joe Award (most fights lost) – 
We have a tie! Benny Graves @STZ  and John Madden @Thranduil 
 
Both had an equally poor showing this season. Their records were both 0-3-3.
               
Previous Glass Joe Award Winners:
Season
Player
Fights Lost
S70
Walter Clements
3
S69
Rusty Shackleford
5
S68
Podrick Cast and Jordan Tonn
2
S67
Kronos Bailey and Hunter Hearst Helmsley
4
S66
Rauno Palo
3
 
The Stars Award (most stars won) – Hunter Hearst Helmsley @Beaviss 
 
HHH lead the league in both 1st stars (13) and total stars (28). For the first time I also included goalies in this evaluation. Jaxx Hextall  @ROOKIE745  deserves special recognition for tying HHH with 13 first stars.
               
Previous Stars Award Winners:
Season
Player
Total Stars
S70
Randoms
25
S69
Julian Borwinn
27
S68
Matt Thompson
32
S67
Rauno Palo
25
S66
Matt Thompson
28
 
 
The “Always a Bridesmaid” Award (most stars without winning 1st star) – Condor Adrienne @OrbitingDeath 
 
Condor had 12 stars this season without every winning the 1st star.
               
Previous Bridesmaid Award Winners:
Season
Player
Stars
S70
Luciano Valentino
6
S69
Tzuyu
12
S68
Zeno Miniti
9
S67
Dan Baillie
13
S66
Mikka Pajari
7
 
The Biggest Backpack Award (player with the largest difference in points from the rest of their team) - Roque Davis @Josh 
What’s crazier? The fact that a rookie defenseman scored 20 more points than his next closest teammate or that the next highest point getter also on Davos was also a defenseman Andrej Petrovic @Tyler
           
Previous Backpack Award Winners:
Season
Player
Point Difference from nearest teammate
S70
Julian Borwinn
22
S69
John Madden
28
S68
Mikko Aaltonen
28
S67
Podrick Cast
23
 
 
 The Anniversary Award
 
This award goes to the player whose total points rank matches the season number. This season was season 71. That means this award goes to the player who finished 71st in total points. The winner of this year’s Anniversary Award is…
 
Elasmobranch Fish @Sharkstrong 
Fish ended his career with a 46 point season, placing him exactly in 71st spot in the league. That’s how you win this award.
 
Previous Anniversary Award Winners:
Season
Player
Points
S70
Orion Slade
44
 
 
Now for the much anticipated and long-awaited goalie awards!
 
The Egghshell Award
Overtime hockey is a pressure filled situation. You either stand up to the pressure or crack like an egg. The winner of the Eggshell Award is the goalie who lost the most number of overtime games.
 
The winner is:
Jaxx Hextall @ROOKIE745 
 
Jaxx lost a league worst 11 overtime games.
 
 
The <Insert best slasher movie of all time title> Award
Ok I’ll admit it. I don’t really like scary movies. All I know is that I wanted to name this award after the best slasher movie of all time and a quick google search yielded way too many results for me to figure it out. Can someone please suggest the proper movie title for this award? This award goes to the best “slasher”, I mean the goalie who had the most penalty minutes.
 
The winner is:
Greg Eagles @Greg_Di 
 
Greg took home the award with 10 PIM.
 
 
The Poke Check Award
There might not be anything more beautiful than a well-timed poke check to stop a penalty shot. I like to think the winner of this award used a poke check to make a majority of their penalty shot saves. This award goes to the goalie who stopped the highest percentage of penalty shots (min 10 penalty shots against).
 
The winner is:
Jacques Lafontaine @SlapshotDragon 
 
Jacques stopped 79.3% of the penalty shots taken against him. Some would argue that is an All-Star level performance.
 
 
Phew that is a lot of hardware! Thank you to everyone reading. Congratulations and/or condolences to all the winners! Have a good night!
 
 
 
1,700ish words. Will claim for 3 weeks.
 

Yesterday, the VHL held their annual draft combine, where they invited the S72 draftees to undergo physical testing and meet with various team representatives. Flaten put in a great effort and scouts were impressed with what they saw from the young defenseman physically. Flaten ranked 2nd in vertical jump with a height of 25.56 inches. In bench press he ranked tied for 3rd with 15 reps. Then tied for 4th in pull ups with 11 reps. He performed great in the long jump where his length of 117.5 inches ranked 1st in the class. 
 
Other notable performances were from Gregg Stallion, who ranked first in bench press with 18 reps and 1st in pull ups with 15 reps. Top ranked SS Hornet also dominated the combine with top scores in nearly every category. 
 
Notable players who performed poorly were the likes of #6 ranked player General Zod. Scouts reported that Zod looked clunky and slow, and that his interviews went very poorly. Along with Zod, was fellow defenceman DeFenz Mann, scouts reported that his attitude was poor, and that showed in the performances that he showcased. 
 
#3 ranked player Robin Winter did not participate due to a slight injury in his shoulder.

Gregg Stallion was not sure what the transition to living in North America was going to be like for him. All he knew was his small farm in Belgium and the surrounding area but upon entering the VHLM he received an offer from the Houston Bulls and made the decision to pursue his dream and move to the city of Houston.
 
Needless to say but Stallion quickly integrated himself into the Houston lifestyle, particularly the bar scene. Within a month every bar owner knew who Stallion was and soon he began to go drinking with his team after every single game, win or lose. “It really brought us together as a tight…um….family, that’s the word.” A clearly wasted Stallion told reporters as the Bulls players went to the bar one last time.
 
“This was the place we got to know each other and bond, we had massive bar fights, karaoke nights even busted a mascot slave ring” Gm Sonnet said with a tear clearly running down her face as the reality of the matter sunk in for the team, this was it for them. Soon each player would go their separate ways into the drafts and end up in new cities.
 
It was a quiet as each player drank the last drink they would ever have in Houston, sobbing and hugging each and saying goodbye. “They became a family in here.” Bar owner uncle Mo said sadly realizing he was losing the majority of his business with the bulls leaving.
 
At the end of the night the players hugged and then quietly got into there waiting ubers and each drove off single file into the sunset in a procession lead by a Scottish highland band and escorted by every police officer in the city. The entire city was shut down as the players drove through the streets with fans saying goodbye and weeping as the player drove past and then out of view of the city of Houston.
 
“That team will never know what they meant to us, we will always miss them” Houston Mayor Sylvester Turner said after giving each player the key to the city and taking a moment of silence in honour of the team as they entered the airport and left the city of Houston, but not  the hearts of those in the city.
 
402 Words

It's been an absolute pleasure to be a part of the Houston Bulls organisation this season. I wish you good luck for the seasons to come.

God damn that text alignment is hawt

Thanks for the mention! It was only my first week, but I can see I've still got my work cut out for me. 

It all started as a usual night for the Houston Bulls. They had just defeated the Las Vegas Aces and were at Uncle Mo’s Bar/Cheese shop drinking all that they could amidst a massive post game party at their General Manager's expense. However that fateful night was going to be different, seated in the corner of the bar/cheese shop was a shadowy figure, none of the players thought twice about them until midway through the night the team began to notice that their beloved mascot Benny the Bull was missing.
 
Local police were on the scene soon and after wading through the players passed out on the floor they reviewed the security tapes and witnessed the mysterious figure grab Benny at gun point and taking him outside into the back of a van. As the players awoke out of their drunken stupor they learned the truth of what had happened the night before.
 
“To be honest I have no idea who is in that mascot costume but…he’s one of us” General manager Sonnet told police whilst barely holding back her tears. For the Bulls their next practice was going to be different; they were going to hunt down the kidnapper and rescue their mascot.
 
“None of us have any police experience but I believe it is our duty to save one of our own.” Forward Michael Hall wrote to his parents in a last text in case everything went wrong. After reviewing the surveillance for an hour Jer Lefebvre discovered that the van had a license plate and could be tracked if they hacked into the police’s database. Resident hacker Turner McHugh quickly cracked into the police database by successfully guessing that the password was ‘password.’
 
The van was tracked to an abandoned ice cream factory on the out skirts of Houston. “You know I had a dream about this the other night…it um…didn’t end well for John.” Gregg Stallion told a player in secret not realizing that the person he told this truth to was in fact the illfated teams goalie John.
 
Stealthily arriving at the ice cream factory in the massive team bus each member took their positions to infiltrate the factory. Both of the Rileys climbed onto the roof while the rest of the team waited at the door for their signal. At precisely 2:56 AM both of the Rileys played the Bulls goal song to alert their teammates that the time had come. Roadkill Steve single handedly broke in the door as the team swarmed in armed with sharpened hockey stick while Sonnet followed close behind carrying a shotgun she claimed she had ‘found’ in her office. However none of them were prepared for the awful truth that they would find inside.
 
Approximately 50 mascots were shackled and were working on making cheap children toys that would easily break after a day. The team stood shocked at what they saw unfolding in front of them. Many missing local mascots were seen in broken and worn down costumes being forced in electric collars to conduct slave labor to build these toys. All looked lost as a shadowy figure brandishing a machine gun walked up behind the team and held them at gun point. “Its over” a muffled voice said as the team laid down their weapons to see the mastermind of this horrifying mascot slave ring.
 
“Wait who are you?” JJ Johnson asked the individual in front of them “I’m Dandy, I used to be the New York Yankees mascot and now I make a killing selling these cheap toys to children in Africa!” The evil mastermind announced. All that followed was confused silence that was eventually broken by a snap as Bot #2 nonchalantly broke Dandy’s neck “You forgot to bring me..I kill bad man…Robots are best.” Bot #2 said as all of the shackled mascots began to cheer realizing they now were free.
 
Each member of the team was awarded a national medal of freedom and given the keys to the city in the aftermath of the discovery of the mascot slave ring in the city. For the Bulls players though they would celebrate the only way they knew how: a massive drunken party.
 
 

 
(Disgraced Yankees mascot and Slave Ring Mastermind 'Dandy')
-Burt McKart, The Houston Hustler
 
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VHLM EXPANSION 
 
It's no secret that the VHLM has had an awkward format for a number of seasons now, with 11 teams being in the league for the past 6 seasons. Well, the league has decided that it's finally time to round that number off and add #12. I could keep writing things to extend the length of this paragraph, or I could tell you the name of the team...I'm sure you would rather the name, so without further ado, the VHLM's newest franchise:
 
 
With 12 teams, there are of course some rules that need to be addressed, as changes include the introduction of Divisions, and a schedule that will follow that of the VHL. There will also be a new playoff format that will be introduced. Oh, and there won't be an expansion draft, either.
 
The changes are as follows:
 
Division
Theusch Division (701) -> HFX, PHI, MIA Glasser Division (DA) -> MIN, OTT, MIS Corcoran Division (Corco) -> SSK, LVA, YUK Kendrick Division (Kendrick) -> MEX, HOU, SDM  
Each of these members for whom the divisions are named after, have made a large impact on both the VHLM, as players, GMs and/or commissioner, as well as the VHL as a whole, and are wholly deserving of the honour!
 
Playoff Format
Each Division winner will be guaranteed a home playoff spot, while the next 4 teams in the playoffs will be decided by Wild Card format. Each playoff round will be determined by a best of seven series.
 
Expansion Draft
What? No Expansion Draft? No, rather than having an expansion draft, the Marauders will be receiving a compensation pick at the end of each round, which will be the 13th draft slot.
 
S72 Dispersal Draft
The Marauders will draft from the 10th slot in each round of the Season 72 VHLM Dispersal Draft.
 
---
 
Welcome and good luck to the Miami Marauders!
  

Liam Flaten, Defenceman for the Philadelphia Reapers, is fresh off of a disappointing playoff loss to the Las Vegas Aces. Flaten had 5 points during the playoffs, including a 4 assist game in game 6 to force a game 7. 
 
"It was a tough loss for us, we thought we had a great season and great team to make a push this year." Said Flaten following their game 7 loss.
 
Next on the agenda for Flaten is the VHL Draft, where is ranked 23rd overall in the class, and the 8th ranked defenceman in the class. It is rumored that he has been drawing interest from Davos and DC. 
 
"My family and I are very excited for this next step in my career. It is a huge testament to the sacrifices that my family has made for me in order to exceed. I am excited to show my talent at the next level." Responded Liam after being asked about the upcoming draft. 
 
The Draft will be held on May 16th, where we should see Flaten go somewhere in the 2nd round. 

Happy Birthday to my favourite person I just heard about!

For Gregg Stallion and the rest of the Houston Bulls their season ended when the regular season ended. They did not get to enjoy the thrills of playoff hockey, instead they were stuck amongst the other losers of the league looking in from the outside, most players would take up golf during the off season but Gregg Stallion is different than the average player.

Instead of wasting his offseason away Gregg leaned into a passion that he had long kept secret from those around him: fashion. “Fashion has always been a little hobby I have had but with the time the offseason gives me I want to pursue it right now.” Stallion told fashion journalists who were clamoring around the man who is already being called ‘The Picasso of Fashion’

Stallion’s clothing line ‘Das sexy Biest’ has taken the fashion world completely by storm. “Anyone is anyone is wearing clothing from Stallions latest ‘Biest’ line.” A fashion mogul told reporters. Stallion in the span of a week has already made more money than the highest paid VHL players. “The money is great but to me it really is just a hobby.” Stallion said as he signed a licensing deal with the VHL to create and sell all their Jerseys under his new ‘Das Hockey Biest’ line.

232 Words

I'm sorry for this article being so late, I've been pumping out articles lately and was having trouble getting this done on top of them. Since the last one, Europe won gold at the WJC, and the season is approaching its end. Anyways, let's get to it.
 

The last 13 S72 players were created last week.
Lucas Brandt earned the most TPE in the draft class last week, with 38.
Andrew Su was traded from Mississauga to Ottawa last week.
WJC
Valtteri Vaakanainen won gold with Team Europe. Congrats!
 

                                 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Z3UmjHIkmoBNTRdw8dgQdp4kOVhVLVRgPADZOndKJUY/edit?usp=sharing
 
[-] SS Hornet
[-] Robin Winter
[1] Valtteri Vaakanainen
[1] Gino DiGiannatonio
[-] Latrell Mitchell
[1] General Zod
[1] Randy Marsh
[-] Andrew Su
[-] Alex Letang
[-] Jungkok 
[New] Lucas Brandt
[1] DeFenz Mann
 

 
 
 
Newly Qualified / Requalified
Bacon
Jeremiah Fowller
Cole Newhook
 
Newly Unqualified
Ken Fury
 

 
[7] - John Brewitt
[6] - Ziarie Anigbogu
[6] - Chris Hylands
 

RISER OF THE WEEK
 Adam Frence - RW - 157 TPE @Kachur
For the second straight week, I've chosen someone outside of the top three risers as the Riser of the Week. Frence sat just outside of it, moving up 5 spots in my rankings, from 19 to 14. He just recently became the AGM of Las Vegas, and has been a very active member in the community prior to that as well. His 91 points rank 7th in the draft class, and he also places top 10 in both goals in assists. The French winger is a nightmare offensively for other teams, with a versatile skillset that keeps his next move unpredictable at all times. Ideally his defensive game would be a bit better, but he still has plenty of time to develop it. Around the start of March, Frence had two weeks of 4 and 2 TPE, but has since then increased his weekly TPE total every single week, with 17 last week. He is surely a player who is on the radars of VHL GMs, and rightfully so.
 

 
[18] - Remy Moreau
[12] - Barry Bonds
[11] - Slov Loski
 
I want to add a note here that Moreau dropping so low is completely my fault. I accidentally marked him down as earning 12 TPE a couple weeks ago when he had 0, so his falling in the rankings should have been much less abrupt, and more gradual than it is here.
 

 
 
Name
Goals
Name
Assists
Name
Points
[1]Gino DiGiannantonio
56
[-]DeFenz Mann
82
[-]Robin Winter
117
[1]Robin Winter
54
[-]Robin Winter
63
[-]Gino DiGiannantonio
112
[-]Jungkok
52
[1]General Zod
63
[-]DeFenz Mann
104
[-]Andrew Su
49
[1]Latrell Mitchell
60
[1]Jungkok
99
[-]Valtteri Vaakanainen
45
[1]Adam Frence
57
[1]Andrew Su
97
[4]Gregg Stallion
44
[1]Gino DiGiannantonio
56
[New]Gregg Stallion
94
[-]Lucas Brandt
41
[1]Gregg Stallion
50
[-]Adam Frence
91
[2]SS Hornet
40
[1]Andrew Su
48
[2]Valtteri Vaakanainen
90
[1]Riley Walker
35
[1]Jungkok
47
[-]Lucas Brandt
87
[1]Adam Frence
34
[New]Lucas Brandt
46
[2]Riley Walker
80
 
Name
Sv%
[-]Andrew Green
0.910
[-]Zamboni Driver
0.891
[-]Barry Bonds
0.867
[-]Bacon
0.857
[-]John Poremba
0.854
 

 
Robin Winter hit the VHLM TPA cap of 250 TPA.
General Zod hit 200 TPE last week.
Lucas Brandt, Timothy Brown, Joe Exotic, and Michael Mac each hit 100 TPE last week.
Robin Winter, Gino DiGiannantonio, and Jungkok each hit 50 goals this week.
Gregg Stallion, Adam Frence, RIley Walker, and Michael Hall each hit 30 goals this week.
DeFenz Mann hit 72 assists this week, securing at least an assist per game average on the season.
Robin Winter, General Zod, Latrell Mitchell, Adam Frence, Gino DiGiannantonio, and Gregg Stallion each hit 50 assists this week.
Robin Winter, Gino DiGiannantonio, and DeFenz Mann each hit 100 points this week.
Valtteri Vaakanainen, Adam Frence, Gregg Stallion, Lucas Brandt, Riley Walker, SS Hornet, General Zod, and Latrell Mitchell secured at least a point per game average on the season, all reaching 72 points.
 

ACHIEVEMENT  CENTRE’S PLAYER OF THE WEEK
 Valtteri Vaakanainen - LW - 285 TPE @Jubo07
Moving up to the 3rd spot in my rankings, Vaakanainen is a Finnish winger with an exceptional scoring touch. His 45 goals rank 5th in the draft class, and his 90 points are among the best as well. He is strong on the puck, and has a powerful stride that makes him the usual winner in races to the puck. To add on to his already impressive game, Vaakanainen is also a great defensive player. Only four players have managed to earn every possible capped TPE to this point, and he finds himself in that exclusive group. He has never dipped below 14 TPE in any week, and has had 16+ in 7 separate weeks. The Finn is certainly a superstar in the making, and will surely be a top 5 pick, or very possibly top 3.
 

 
Players Covered
Part 1: Mitchell / Marsh
Part 2: Letang / Driver
Part 3: Zod / Winter
Part 4: Mac / Hornet
Part 5: Brandt / DiGiannantonio
Part 6: Frence / Vaakanainen
 

At the start of the year Gregg Stallion was not sure what to expect. He had just come from Belgium as the most dominant hockey player that the country had ever seen yet no one was sure how his skills would translate to the competitive VHLM field. Many analysts were unsure how well the ‘Belgian Beauty’ would actually do in the much more fast paced “A safe projection would be about 40-50 points, he has the skill but I think he will take a while to really get going.’

Now at the end of the season it is clear that Stallion has blown those modest projections out of the water. In 67 games Stallion has scored 44 goals and gotten 94 points. “I am really proud of myself and how I have done, I cannot wait to get drafted and to continue to make a difference” Stallion told reporters after recording a hat trick on a previous night. Houston Bulls coach Jim Duncan agrees; “Though he is not at the top of many scouting projection just look at his stats compared to those top guys, whoever takes this kid is going to get a steal and will not regret it.”

208 Words

It all started as a usual night for the Houston Bulls. They had just defeated the Las Vegas Aces and were at Uncle Mo’s Bar/Cheese shop drinking all that they could amidst a massive post game party at their General Manager's expense. However that fateful night was going to be different, seated in the corner of the bar/cheese shop was a shadowy figure, none of the players thought twice about them until midway through the night the team began to notice that their beloved mascot Benny the Bull was missing.
 
Local police were on the scene soon and after wading through the players passed out on the floor they reviewed the security tapes and witnessed the mysterious figure grab Benny at gun point and taking him outside into the back of a van. As the players awoke out of their drunken stupor they learned the truth of what had happened the night before.
 
“To be honest I have no idea who is in that mascot costume but…he’s one of us” General manager Sonnet told police whilst barely holding back her tears. For the Bulls their next practice was going to be different; they were going to hunt down the kidnapper and rescue their mascot.
 
“None of us have any police experience but I believe it is our duty to save one of our own.” Forward Michael Hall wrote to his parents in a last text in case everything went wrong. After reviewing the surveillance for an hour Jer Lefebvre discovered that the van had a license plate and could be tracked if they hacked into the police’s database. Resident hacker Turner McHugh quickly cracked into the police database by successfully guessing that the password was ‘password.’
 
The van was tracked to an abandoned ice cream factory on the out skirts of Houston. “You know I had a dream about this the other night…it um…didn’t end well for John.” Gregg Stallion told a player in secret not realizing that the person he told this truth to was in fact the illfated teams goalie John.
 
Stealthily arriving at the ice cream factory in the massive team bus each member took their positions to infiltrate the factory. Both of the Rileys climbed onto the roof while the rest of the team waited at the door for their signal. At precisely 2:56 AM both of the Rileys played the Bulls goal song to alert their teammates that the time had come. Roadkill Steve single handedly broke in the door as the team swarmed in armed with sharpened hockey stick while Sonnet followed close behind carrying a shotgun she claimed she had ‘found’ in her office. However none of them were prepared for the awful truth that they would find inside.
 
Approximately 50 mascots were shackled and were working on making cheap children toys that would easily break after a day. The team stood shocked at what they saw unfolding in front of them. Many missing local mascots were seen in broken and worn down costumes being forced in electric collars to conduct slave labor to build these toys. All looked lost as a shadowy figure brandishing a machine gun walked up behind the team and held them at gun point. “Its over” a muffled voice said as the team laid down their weapons to see the mastermind of this horrifying mascot slave ring.
 
“Wait who are you?” JJ Johnson asked the individual in front of them “I’m Dandy, I used to be the New York Yankees mascot and now I make a killing selling these cheap toys to children in Africa!” The evil mastermind announced. All that followed was confused silence that was eventually broken by a snap as Bot #2 nonchalantly broke Dandy’s neck “You forgot to bring me..I kill bad man…Robots are best.” Bot #2 said as all of the shackled mascots began to cheer realizing they now were free.
 
Each member of the team was awarded a national medal of freedom and given the keys to the city in the aftermath of the discovery of the mascot slave ring in the city. For the Bulls players though they would celebrate the only way they knew how: a massive drunken party.
 
 

 
(Disgraced Yankees mascot and Slave Ring Mastermind 'Dandy')
-Burt McKart, The Houston Hustler
 
719 Words

It all started as a usual night for the Houston Bulls. They had just defeated the Las Vegas Aces and were at Uncle Mo’s Bar/Cheese shop drinking all that they could amidst a massive post game party at their General Manager's expense. However that fateful night was going to be different, seated in the corner of the bar/cheese shop was a shadowy figure, none of the players thought twice about them until midway through the night the team began to notice that their beloved mascot Benny the Bull was missing.
 
Local police were on the scene soon and after wading through the players passed out on the floor they reviewed the security tapes and witnessed the mysterious figure grab Benny at gun point and taking him outside into the back of a van. As the players awoke out of their drunken stupor they learned the truth of what had happened the night before.
 
“To be honest I have no idea who is in that mascot costume but…he’s one of us” General manager Sonnet told police whilst barely holding back her tears. For the Bulls their next practice was going to be different; they were going to hunt down the kidnapper and rescue their mascot.
 
“None of us have any police experience but I believe it is our duty to save one of our own.” Forward Michael Hall wrote to his parents in a last text in case everything went wrong. After reviewing the surveillance for an hour Jer Lefebvre discovered that the van had a license plate and could be tracked if they hacked into the police’s database. Resident hacker Turner McHugh quickly cracked into the police database by successfully guessing that the password was ‘password.’
 
The van was tracked to an abandoned ice cream factory on the out skirts of Houston. “You know I had a dream about this the other night…it um…didn’t end well for John.” Gregg Stallion told a player in secret not realizing that the person he told this truth to was in fact the illfated teams goalie John.
 
Stealthily arriving at the ice cream factory in the massive team bus each member took their positions to infiltrate the factory. Both of the Rileys climbed onto the roof while the rest of the team waited at the door for their signal. At precisely 2:56 AM both of the Rileys played the Bulls goal song to alert their teammates that the time had come. Roadkill Steve single handedly broke in the door as the team swarmed in armed with sharpened hockey stick while Sonnet followed close behind carrying a shotgun she claimed she had ‘found’ in her office. However none of them were prepared for the awful truth that they would find inside.
 
Approximately 50 mascots were shackled and were working on making cheap children toys that would easily break after a day. The team stood shocked at what they saw unfolding in front of them. Many missing local mascots were seen in broken and worn down costumes being forced in electric collars to conduct slave labor to build these toys. All looked lost as a shadowy figure brandishing a machine gun walked up behind the team and held them at gun point. “Its over” a muffled voice said as the team laid down their weapons to see the mastermind of this horrifying mascot slave ring.
 
“Wait who are you?” JJ Johnson asked the individual in front of them “I’m Dandy, I used to be the New York Yankees mascot and now I make a killing selling these cheap toys to children in Africa!” The evil mastermind announced. All that followed was confused silence that was eventually broken by a snap as Bot #2 nonchalantly broke Dandy’s neck “You forgot to bring me..I kill bad man…Robots are best.” Bot #2 said as all of the shackled mascots began to cheer realizing they now were free.
 
Each member of the team was awarded a national medal of freedom and given the keys to the city in the aftermath of the discovery of the mascot slave ring in the city. For the Bulls players though they would celebrate the only way they knew how: a massive drunken party.
 
 

 
(Disgraced Yankees mascot and Slave Ring Mastermind 'Dandy')
-Burt McKart, The Houston Hustler
 
719 Words

Kosmo Kramerev has been something of an enigma in Eastern European hockey for years now, making it difficult to project his future professional career. Seasons aborted part way through for legal trouble, an extended absence for a honeymoon in Bermuda, an extended absence for a heated divorce and what is believed to be two years of fighting both for and against pro-Russia militias have all created massive interruptions to his hockey career.
 

The above picture is believed to be from Kramerev's bachelor party before the second of three marriages, taken in Kiev.
 
Further frustrating any evaluation of his on-ice performance is his participation exclusively in new start up leagues, all of them believed to be financed from his own personal fortune, and none of them existing for longer than two seasons.  I will do my best to summarize what is known of each season of Kramerev's Junior career.
2013 - Minsk - THL - Tops Hockey League
Following a case of mistaken identity paired up with the dubious strategy of hiring a chess master as a hockey coach, Kramerev began his hockey career in a team of by American janitor Larry Kasparov. Kramerev excelled with the puck, but his focus on the defensive zone was questionable at best, resulting in a league leading 35 goals in 40 games, as well as a -30 on the season. The THL did not track assists. Kasparov noted that Kramerev was the fastest skater he had ever coached.
2014 - Minsk - THL
Kramerev came out of the gate like a horse on fire, notching five goals in three games before spending the next eight months in prison for multiple murders, only securing his release when the true killer stuck again. During Kramerev's imprisonment, the THL found its funding had dried up and the league folded after its second season.
 
2015 - San Francisco - NHL - NASA Hockey League
Founded out of a desire to start a hockey league for astronauts, the NHL played only one game before the league and Kramerev himself were sued by NASA and the National Hockey League. No goals were scored during this game, due to the league mandate that players wear space suits. Kramerev was ejected in the second period for spitting a mint in the face of an official.
There is no record of Kramerev's location during 2016 and 2017, but unsubstantiated reports place him in multiple paramilitary groups in Eastern Ukraine.
2018- Moscow - PHL - Postal Hockey League
Founded in honor of hardworking postal workers, Kramerev started strong, posting 3 goals and five assists in ten games prior to meeting a desk chair model in Krakow and wedding overnight, before taking an extended leave of absence in Bermuda. He would return for the season finale, scoring a hat trick, but failing to reach the playoffs.
2019 - Moscow - PHL
Kramerev struggled from the outset, notching only one assist in five games, citing personal problems. This would prove to be true as he would spend the remainder of the season in Paris completing complicated divorce proceedings due to conflicting prenuptial agreements.
 
Scouts are impressed with Kramerev's smooth, fast skating and confidence carrying the puck, but for obvious reasons, his standing as a prospect is dubious.
 

It all started as a usual night for the Houston Bulls. They had just defeated the Las Vegas Aces and were at Uncle Mo’s Bar/Cheese shop drinking all that they could amidst a massive post game party at their General Manager's expense. However that fateful night was going to be different, seated in the corner of the bar/cheese shop was a shadowy figure, none of the players thought twice about them until midway through the night the team began to notice that their beloved mascot Benny the Bull was missing.
 
Local police were on the scene soon and after wading through the players passed out on the floor they reviewed the security tapes and witnessed the mysterious figure grab Benny at gun point and taking him outside into the back of a van. As the players awoke out of their drunken stupor they learned the truth of what had happened the night before.
 
“To be honest I have no idea who is in that mascot costume but…he’s one of us” General manager Sonnet told police whilst barely holding back her tears. For the Bulls their next practice was going to be different; they were going to hunt down the kidnapper and rescue their mascot.
 
“None of us have any police experience but I believe it is our duty to save one of our own.” Forward Michael Hall wrote to his parents in a last text in case everything went wrong. After reviewing the surveillance for an hour Jer Lefebvre discovered that the van had a license plate and could be tracked if they hacked into the police’s database. Resident hacker Turner McHugh quickly cracked into the police database by successfully guessing that the password was ‘password.’
 
The van was tracked to an abandoned ice cream factory on the out skirts of Houston. “You know I had a dream about this the other night…it um…didn’t end well for John.” Gregg Stallion told a player in secret not realizing that the person he told this truth to was in fact the illfated teams goalie John.
 
Stealthily arriving at the ice cream factory in the massive team bus each member took their positions to infiltrate the factory. Both of the Rileys climbed onto the roof while the rest of the team waited at the door for their signal. At precisely 2:56 AM both of the Rileys played the Bulls goal song to alert their teammates that the time had come. Roadkill Steve single handedly broke in the door as the team swarmed in armed with sharpened hockey stick while Sonnet followed close behind carrying a shotgun she claimed she had ‘found’ in her office. However none of them were prepared for the awful truth that they would find inside.
 
Approximately 50 mascots were shackled and were working on making cheap children toys that would easily break after a day. The team stood shocked at what they saw unfolding in front of them. Many missing local mascots were seen in broken and worn down costumes being forced in electric collars to conduct slave labor to build these toys. All looked lost as a shadowy figure brandishing a machine gun walked up behind the team and held them at gun point. “Its over” a muffled voice said as the team laid down their weapons to see the mastermind of this horrifying mascot slave ring.
 
“Wait who are you?” JJ Johnson asked the individual in front of them “I’m Dandy, I used to be the New York Yankees mascot and now I make a killing selling these cheap toys to children in Africa!” The evil mastermind announced. All that followed was confused silence that was eventually broken by a snap as Bot #2 nonchalantly broke Dandy’s neck “You forgot to bring me..I kill bad man…Robots are best.” Bot #2 said as all of the shackled mascots began to cheer realizing they now were free.
 
Each member of the team was awarded a national medal of freedom and given the keys to the city in the aftermath of the discovery of the mascot slave ring in the city. For the Bulls players though they would celebrate the only way they knew how: a massive drunken party.
 
 

 
(Disgraced Yankees mascot and Slave Ring Mastermind 'Dandy')
-Burt McKart, The Houston Hustler
 
719 Words

THE HOUSTON WAY