Here goes something
-heights, if I'm unsecured. Like, I'm fine on a roller coaster or in a building; but if I'm standing on top of a cliff looking down, FUCK FUCK FUCK. And I don't even like seeing someone I'm with looking down too close to the edge. I just start to panic.
-centipedes somewhat. I don't know if I would necessarily call it a fear, but my feet are not touching the ground if I see one crawling around. I hate them.
I might end up going off on a bit of a tangent here. And it's going to be a bit rambly. Typical things like rejection, failure, being meaningless and alone. I don't like to put myself out there, because I view rejection as failure and failure is BAD. Why do something if you are no good at it, right? I don't like trying new things. I've been working at Wal-Mart for nearly five years now even though I'm overqualified because it's easy and I know I can do it. Why try anything else? I'm good at this easy thing! I feel like I will never matter. Like, people can say I matter to them all they want, but I feel like I make no difference in anyone's life. And it's like, what's the point? The way it seems like it's always been for me is this: I'm everyone's friend, but nobody's best friend. And it'll always be that way. I know, I shouldn't depend on others to be happy, but that doesn't work for me. I don't know what my point is here. I'm depressed and anxious.
People who make fun of musical interests. Or television or anything that doesn't impact their life. Just let people be happy with the things that make them happy, if it's not affecting anyone. I mean, I guess just being rude in general, but that should just be a given. Don't make fun of someone because they like Nickelback or anime or whatever. I already feel insecure enough, I don't need you making me feel like I can't share the things that I like.
Here's an example. So my favorite band is Motion City Soundtrack. A lot of my musical interests (and really everything: gaming, television, humor) was influenced greatly by my older brother. He found out from my sister that my favorite band is Motion City Soundtrack. And he's just like, no one's favorite band is Motion City Soundtrack. He proceeds to talk about how they are alright, but after their first album they don't matter. Like, okay fine whatever. It really shouldn't matter to me, but my life has been so influenced by him. His taste in music went elsewhere, and that's fine. But he doesn't have to mock my favorite band. And then he proceeds to say "that's like someone's favorite band being Alkaline Trio." HEY GUESS WHO MY SECOND FAVORITE BAND IS. And he knew that too. He then also said something about Streetlight Manifesto being an awful band for their genre. Why. Why are you saying these things? What are you accomplishing? Do you want me to ever talk to you about things that I like EVER?
First off, I'm going to cheat and say something that already happened, because I'd been looking forward to it for several months. Years, in a way. I saw my favorite band, Motion City Soundtrack, in concern last week. I'm not really a concert goer, and this was definitely the biggest I've been to. It was awesome. A few years ago, though, they had a "Farewell Tour." They were, at least for the time being, done. I wanted to make it to a show, but I couldn't make it work. I'd considered that to be one of the biggest regrets of my life that didn't really affect my life. Then I heard they were having a reunion tour and I knew I'd have to go. So I made sure I did and it was great. When they first stepped on stage, I had this huge grin on my face. Like, they were RIGHT THERE. And I was near the front so I could see them clearly.
Okay, so that was something that I had been looking forward to. What am I looking forward to now? One of my sisters is getting married later this year. That's exciting. I'm one of the groomsmen as well. I have a friend getting married in a couple months as well. I like weddings because people are happy (I also don't like them because they remind me of how forever alone I might be).
Training for, and running, a marathon.
I don't really travel. I work at Wal-Mart so I don't have money. And I don't really care about going anywhere in particular. Actually, I think seeing the pyramids would be cool. Just to see how massive they actually are. I want to see something really big that the pictures don't do justice.
Sour cream and onion Pringles