Doomsday

DAV G with the first star!

A Sweet Reward For Goons BURLINGTON, VT - As youngsters, when we got into fights, there typically was no sweet ending to it. Depending on how far back you go, you could be on the receiving end of the switch, a spanking, getting grounded, sent to your room or maybe even all of the above. But did any of you ever get ice cream for getting into a fight? It certainly sounds ludicrous, but that's exactly what Ben & Jerry's is planning for their new media campaign. "Fighting has always been seen as a brutal part of the wonderful sport of hockey," said Ben & Jerry's CEO Jostein Solheim at a press conference at the company's headquarters in Burlington, Vermont. "We think that we can take this and add a sweet layer onto the increasing number of fights in the Victory Hockey League." For the campaign, every active player in the VHL will be asked to select a charity or other beneficiary. If a player engages in a fight, $5000 will be donated by Ben & Jerry's to the beneficiary, $10,000 if the player wins their fight. Additionally, the players in the fight will receive a voucher for a free case of Ben & Jerry's ice cream in the flavor of their choice. Misbehavior never tasted so, so gluttonous. "I love it," said HC Davos Dynamo defenseman Matt Bentley, who has fought twice in eleven games so far this season. "The next time I get into a fight, I'll be able to have a tasty treat while I watch film for the next game." However, not everyone feels that Ben & Jerry's new campaign is such a sweet idea. "Really?" said VHL Commissioner Victor Alfredsson, in what must have been the first he had heard of it. "We've had an abundance of fights to start the season and now you have these guys giving them an incentive outside of the game to fight? Did they think this through in any way? How could this possibly benefit anyone?" Besides the obvious point that no one bothered to inform the commissioner about the donation aspect of the campaign, it is also clear that virtually every player seems to like the idea. Even Batman approves of ice cream. "Man, even if I don't want to fight, I still get ice cream if it happens," said rookie defenseman Don Draper. "It doesn't get any better than that, especially when you factor in the fact that $15,000 ends up going to a good cause in the end. That's what really makes it all worth it, even if it means bodily harm and having my dashingly handsome face disfigured." "Thinking about it, if one more good hit... one more good punch means that the Gettysburg National Military Park gets an extra $5000, it means they're going to get it," said Davos winger and captain Thomas Landry, because of course his beneficiary is a Civil War battlefield. So it seems that the Victory Hockey League is set for a season filled with even more fights, donations to battlefields and perhaps most importantly, ice cream. After all, if music can soothe the savage beast, can ice cream turn a goon into a sportsman? After we track down Brennan McQueen and feed him ice cream, we'll let you know. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, which still isn't changing its name. He enjoys calling cabs for people who don't actually want a cab, dodging rocks like it's nothing and remembering the fallen.

We may not know how to fight, but we do know how to win cups.

Kowalski Finally Hits the Ice NEW YORK - After receiving the banhammer from the NFL, VHL hopeful Jack Kowalski finally was able to hit the ice for the first time Sunday evening. And hit the ice he did... again and again and again. Yes, before any lessons of hockey fundamentals or skills can be taught, the former football star must first learn to become a proficient skater, which is proving to be no short task. "It's been... challenging," says legendary VHL defenseman Ryan Sullivan. "It's a good thing we've got so much time to get Jack ready because skating definitely isn't his thing yet." While it is true that many expected Kowalski to struggle with skating, they were correct with another assumption: he's already allegedly been in a fight. "Someone must have thought it would've been hilarious to make fun of Jack as he struggled to skate," said Doomsday Agency representative John Gordon. "Last I saw him, they were getting him off the ice with a forklift." For some odd reason, there are no witnesses to the altercation, for none of the 48 other attendees of the open skate night seem to recall a massive 6'5 guy pounding on an overweight, balding slam poet from the Bronx.

Love it, great job boys.

Worry about keeping your guys on the ice and we'll see you then. And don't worry, we know how to playoff.

oof

Another day, another brawl for the Dynamo. Tempers running short for Davos this year apparently.

My brother has been playing it, looks pretty neat.

I'm in.

What does it matter if you can't even beat us?

If someone makes me one, I will wear it. If not, an avatar change is in order.

Certainly adds an element to it all that I didn't catch before. Like Lombardi, Taylor will certainly be remembered by the VHL for years to come, but I have two more seasons to make sure Landry earns immortality as his namesake did.

Congratulations Taylor, the rivalry we had is more or less the story to Landry's career. But tonight, it's your time, your night to be on top. Enjoy it, and here's to the memories that led to this honor.

Not our problem McQueen didn't want to play. Bring more than excuses next time.

Won the battle, but... Overtime #1 5. HC Dynamo , Thomas Landry 2 (Matt Bentley, Davey Jones) at 3:49 ... lost the war. Captain Clutch returns!

Inconsistency Hurting Davos DAVOS - Six games into the Victory Hockey League season, the reigning champion HC Davos Dynamo are sitting at 3-3. Their season currently epitomizes that of a roller coaster, with many ups and downs. One night, they'll blow a game in the third period; the next, they shut out a consensus pick to win the Continental Cup in their own arena. While it is still early in the season, the inconsistency shown by Davos has gotten fans frustrated and some worried about their ability to take on a talented team in the post-season. "Honestly, there's really only one consistent factor with our team so far: our consistency," said Davos captain Thomas Landry following a loss at home to the Cologne Express. "Some nights, we're just on and everything works great and the next, nothing. It's frustrating, but sometimes even minor changes in your roster can mess with your chemistry. The good part about this is that it's happening early in the season, it's not as if this is happening while we're trying to lock down a playoff berth. There's plenty of time for us to figure it out and start playing up to our potential." Landry and the HC Davos Dynamo are in Riga to take on their mortal foes, the Riga Reign.

How dare you disrespect the Cowboys, we're working very hard to overcome our handicap Jerry Jones.

Sent $20 for S39. I'll take another extra doubles week and my $50 donor tag please.

Well that was unexpected. Not going to complain one bit, though.

Feed the Davey, get points.

This is no time for jokes, boys.

Turns out I DID do something this game!

I saw that Sheldon Cooper is a line judge and I giggled.

Video review exists in the VHL?