Doomsday

BROVY!

I'm going to be polite about this: eat shit and die.

Major / Game Misconduct Penalty to Tuomas Tukio for Abuse of Officials. Tuomas Tukio is ejected from game. QUE G enters game. Shot by Naomi Young. Stopped by QUE G with a rebound. Free Puck Retrieved by Felix Zamora for HC Dynamo. Shot by Felix Zamora. Goal by Felix Zamora - Meute : 2 - HC Dynamo : 3 Good job Tukio!

Edwin Encarnacion: The Most Entertaining Man In Sports COLOGNE - Times have not been friendly to the Cologne Express. Free agent after free agent has spurned the German franchise, sometimes to play elsewhere for less money. Often teetering on the brink of a contending/rebuilding team, the only thing consistent about the team was that it was inconsistent. Times have been even tougher lately, with big names like Kameron Taylor, Reggie Dunlop and Malcolm Spud gone to other pastures (they certainly aren't greener). However, Cologne fans still have someone better on the team: Edwin Encarnacion. Now, those of you who haven't just tossed this publication in the trash are probably wondering, "What kind of drugs are you on, man?" And to that I say, "Just the normal prescriptions." Encarnacion is not going to win any trivia contests about hockey, nor will he be the most fundamentally sound guy out there. But what he does have is charisma and strength. Few people can jack up their opponents like this guy does, yet still get people to guffaw like loonies at his bizarre antics on and off the ice. He is the only man that the Vancouver Green Men have taken out for a beer instead of harassing when he makes his way to the penalty box (and he was back in time to take the ice after his double minor expired). Whether you love or hate the guy, Encarnacion is a breath of fresh air for the VHL and is a treasure to the league. Sadly, we won't have him forever, so we need to embrace this glorious bastard while we can. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, leading supplier of Namekian labor. He enjoys high quality H20, throwing shoes at Hillary Clinton and posting his Mancrush Monday several days late.

Greg Harbinson Blackmailed? SEATTLE - The Victory Hockey League was stunned yesterday when the longtime General Manager of the Seattle Bears, Greg Harbinson, suddenly stepped down. The Bears were further rocked when star center Zack Sound also abruptly retired, leaving Seattle without two key pillars to their foundation after this season. Some claim that the writing was on the wall for both of them, but others maintain that something had to happen to force out Harbinson in such a hurry. But what could it be? Does Seattle's performance have something to do with it? Widely predicted to win not only the American Conference, but the Continental Cup as well, the Bears have struggled mightily this season. Currently behind the New York Americans by five points, there is no guarantee that Seattle will even reach the playoffs after such lofty expectations were placed upon them. Naturally, Seattle's fan base and ownership have been extremely critical of the team lately. It's not terribly far-fetched to think an under-performing Bears team could have sunk Harbinson. But why would that lead to Zack Sound suddenly retiring? Perhaps it could be Sergey Brovalenko? Might the presumed-troublesome center have something to do with it? With Zack Sound widely believed to be a key component of the Season 37 United States international team, could the salty Russian be taking the Americans down a peg? However, this is nothing more than incoherent rambling. With Brovalenko playing his last season in the VHL, he will not be suiting up for the USSR after he plays his last shift with the HC Davos Dynamo. Jesse Ventura is really the only one who would truly believe Brovy has anything to do with it. Now, who could really stand to benefit from both Harbinson AND Sound's departure? It doesn't take any thought at all: Tyler Barabash did. He has been quoted as saying he would do anything it takes in order to become a general manager in the VHL again. His player, Damon Tyrael, could stand to immediately become a first line center with Sound gone, as Ethan Osborne is retiring after this season as well. Both of them got exactly that with the sudden departures of both Harbinson and Sound. However, wanting and summarily getting exactly what you want a matter of months after arriving somewhere doesn't exactly make you a guilty man. But when it was known that Barabash desperately wanted a VHL job (along with a USFL position to boot), why push to move to Seattle unless you know you've got dirt that could wedge your way right on into that job? Did he know that Harbinson wanted out of Seattle? Did he find a stash of French ticklers in the front office? As entertaining as it would be to find out what got Greg Harbinson out of Seattle's front office, it doesn't change the fact that David Copperfield is now the big cheese for the Bears. The audience turns their captivated eyes towards Barabash, hoping that their team will not be abandoned yet again. Seattle couldn't bear something like that right now. Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, who recently ragefucked TMZ to death. He enjoys using techno music to put holes in his enemies' brains, using leather whips to fight evil and rambling for points.

I could certainly play him here in Oslo. Also Jackson Miller still isn't on my roster.

Happy for PLAYOFFS

So when does she find out the good news?

Nooooooo Chawles, get out of my head Chawles!

Win's a win, eh?

No need, he's got a chance in Oslo to make some racket.

You will end up with the most wins, however.

This thread greatly displeases the captain.

Oslo claims RW Jackson Miller.

No need, you keep supplying me with examples as if on cue.

Losers always whine about how they did their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.

Smashing good donnybrook, Karsten!

Tight game, but stick with the captain and all shall be saved! Onwards, Davos!

Approved!

SECRET SECRET, I'VE GOT A SECRET.

So it turns out that Mike's the one holding Riga back...

I've been unexpectedly hit in the face without the benefit of a visor and I still didn't flop like I got a James Neal elbow/crosscheck/penis to the face. Regardless, you completely missed the point. The literal instant he is as much as touched, he goes full flop, Dwayne Wade style and flings his head back like he was in a damn car accident. Crosby is a notorious diver/flopper/bitch and this beautiful, beautiful GIF shows us all how much of a second nature the act of flopping is to him.

Content: 3/3 - Perhaps Turku has a shot, but I have a feeling that Kimmo Salo and Blaine Olynick will be dictating the playoffs this season. Even the juggernauts can fall, however, so keep fighting! Grammar: 2/2 - Only really one error besides a misspelling in the topic title. the teams’ mantra = the team's mantra Appearance: 1/1 - Colors, pictures... she be purty. Overall: 6/6 - Bwaaaaaah yiss!

Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory: S37 Team USA Outlook NEW YORK - During the Season 34 off-season, patriotic fervor took over the United States as Team USA prevailed 3-2 over the United Kingdom on a shootout goal by legendary defenseman Ryan Sullivan.With the creation of the Super Cup, the World Cup has taken an additional year's hiatus, opposed to the usual two year break. However, after three seasons, international play is returning to the Victory Hockey League following the Continental Cup Finals and the United States once again figure to play a big role in the World Cup once again. However, if the Americans wish to repeat, they will have to do so without the two men who sealed the deal: both Ryan Sullivan and goalie Skylar Rift have retired. Other big names that have ended their playing careers are Clark Marcellin, Brody Hodgson and Al Wilson, all pivotal members of the team. There are several players who will be returning, but the majority of this team will consist of new blood. Following will be a breakdown of the eligible players at each position, along with which are most likely to get the call to join Team USA. Goalie Lennox Moher (529) Rock Star (313) We begin with goalie, which even at this stage of the season is already set in, err, stone. After spending two World Cups backing up Skylar Rift, Lennox Moher will be in net for the Americans coming off of a season in which he hoisted the Continental Cup. He has had a maddeningly inconsistent season from which he can go from allowing five goals to posting a shutout the next night. Allowing 2.06 goals a game is one of the better averages in the league, but his save percentage of .912 suggests that he will need run support to back him. Joining him is Rock Star, the infamous journeyman who has been in net for several teams that have not had the most honest of intentions. Not to say that it is a knock against him, but when you are allowing 4.67 goals on average a game, it's safe to say that he will be kept off of the ice as much as possible. Expected Team USA Members: 1. Lennox Moher 2. Rock Star Center Robin Gow (417) Davey Jones (516) Tom Slaughter (375) Zack Sound (604) Center is a solid position for Team USA to choose from this year. Zack Sound was a member of the Season 34 team and is more or less a lock to make the team this year as a veteran presence. Two future stars in Robin Gow and Tom Slaughter deserve to be considered as well, but Davey Jones of Davos will likely earn the second spot. Despite having a down year according to his own standards, he is still having a very good year with 47 points (24 goals, 23 assists) while playing out of position. With Sound likely on the first line, all the components for Jones to be deadly will be in line and he could very well be the key to victory for Team USA. Expected Team USA Members: 1. Zack Sound 2. Davey Jones Left Wing Mikey Blade (540) Reggie Dunlop (537) Anderson Pooper (0) Srraxxarrakex (0) Much like with the goaltender position, left wing is already settled. It will simply be a matter of which player gets the spot on the first line. If things continue at the current rate, it will be Blade's job to lose, as his more dedicated appearances at practices and production on the ice will ultimately outweigh Dunlop's veteran experience. The gap between the two will likely get even wider by the time the World Cup is upon us, so it may not even be much of a question then who will get the top spot. Expected Team USA Members: 1. Mikey Blade 2. Reggie Dunlop Defensemen: Edwin Encarnacion (332) Triton Jackson (144) Conner Low (526) Damien Sandow (276) Jack Sound (556) Riley Stevens (201) Jake Wylde (129) Team USA will have quite the puzzler when it comes to deciding which defensemen to carry on their roster. New York's sensational Conner Low is an absolute no-brainer, as is Toronto's Jack Sound. Edwin Encarnacion's physical prowess will be invaluable for the Americans, regardless of his love for spending time in the penalty box. Despite Sandow's lead in practice hours over the rest, rumors of his retirement and dedication for the game have led many to believe that a younger talent like Triton Jackson or Jake Wylde will be getting the call to the World Cup over him. Riley Stevens of the Cologne Express is known for being a big hitter, but he has been most elusive as well over the past few seasons. Wylde's pedigree proceeds him, with many believing he will be joining the Americans' quest for gold before his VHL career even begins. Expected Team USA Members: 1. Jack Sound 2. Conner Low 3. Edwin Encarnacion 4. Jake Wylde Right Wing Sebastian Ball Jr. (663) Robert Gow III (277) Cody Inko (401) Thomas Landry (590) Guido Schwarz Esq. (421) Bruno Wolf (101) Right wing has a deep pool of talent for the Americans, including four members of the Season 34 Team: Sebastian Ball Jr, Thomas Landry, Cody Inko and Guido Schwarz Esquire. Two quality young players are in the mix, but their chances are slim to none of making the roster. Bruno Wolf is simply too raw this season, but will definitely be a major contender to make the team in Season 40. Robert Gow III is in the same boat, but the amount of success he is having with Riga this season will definitely garner him some consideration. Schwarz Esquire's bizarre antics and apparent intentions to retire have effectively removed any consideration Team USA would have shown towards him. With the defenseman-turned-right wing Inko currently not scoring amongst the top ten at his position, Landry and Ball Jr practically make the roster by default. However, Inko could certainly crack Team USA's roster at the defenseman position should he willing or able to do so. Expected Team USA Members: 1. Sebastian Ball Jr. 2. Thomas Landry Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, your number one source for assorted tomfoolery. He enjoys eradicating glittery vampires, looking for plot holes in movies and laying waste to the Rebel horde.

Even when he gets inadvertently hit by an official, this bitch STILL flops. Would've been hysterical if he got called for diving after that, the only way it'd be more perfect.