Kylrad

#BECOMEAVILLAIN

Have you ever tried getting a custom VHL jersey with your name on the back, but then opted for a generic one with no name when you realized your commoner name added like 50 bucks to the total price? Letters are hella expensive man. Now imagine if you were in charge of the equipment for a new team. The owners send you to the local proshop, telling you "hey, can you go buy us 6 new jerseys? Oh and make sure they get their names and their numbers in the back. We'll totally pay you back when you come back with the receipt." Man, you're gonna flip when they tell you the price for 6 jerseys with custom name plates and numbers on all of them.
 
Fuck that.
 
My dream team is for those like me who don't want to pay for these expensive custom lettering jobs. I'm buying one full alphabet set at the proshop and spelling the names of my 6 players with these 26 letters. We're even gonna have some leftovers, but I hope they have names with no vowels. Oh and I tried to do with only current players but I couldn't get it done, so we're getting some all time greats back from the retirement home for this. They're gonna get so confused when I suit them up.
 
LW [S54] Fook Yu @Baozi
Yu never broke the 100-point mark, but there's nothing wrong with that. I never broke it either and I got a Hall of Famer. In his prime he was a world class power forward, winning the Scott Boulet Trophy in S55, and the Daisuke Kanou the very next season. More importantly, we only use two fairly uncommon letters for him, leaving 24 more letters for 5 players.
 
C [S61] Podrick Cast @Victor
Cast scored 174 points in his sophomore season. Only Scotty Campbell ever scored more than that but he played against kids that didn't even know how to skate. Cast > Campbell. Checkmate. He was also a first ballot hall of famer, thanks to him winning more awards than you could count on a reasonable number of fingers. We use 4 common letters here, but only one vowel, and Cast is worth it.
 
RW [S74] Lee Xin @Blazzer
Xin never won a single award, but they won a Continental Cup and had 4 straight 100-point seasons to finish their career. Cast only had 4 100-point seasons in his career too. Xin = Cast? Possibly. We only need to use three letters, including the X. I was ready to throw it out as soon as I bought the set. Good thing I didn't. I'm throwing the Z out though.
 
D [S35] Conner Low @Smarch
The man won five straight Sterling Labatte Trophies from S36 to S40. Need I say more? If this alone doesn't put him in contention for best defenseman in the history of the VHL, I don't know what would. Plus he's an all-star when it comes to only needing three letters in the back of his jersey, including the dreaded W. All-star!
 
D [S75] R @Kylrad
Is R an amazing player? I mean, he scored 100 points once as a defenseman, and he won three total Continental Cups. Individually, he's the lesser player of this dream team, but he knows how to win and we need that. I'd be lying if I pretended that he's here for any other reason than the fact that we need players with few letters, especially few vowels in their name. But we're happy to bring the wins to the team too. 
 
G [S25] CAL G @JardyB10
And we go from a player with a single-letter last name to an even better player with a single-letter last name. CAL G is a legendary memeworthy non-bot goaltender, from a legendary memeworthy non-bot member, who played for Seattle and Vasteras, but never for Calgary. He's a living meme. Actually, I'm not so sure he's still alive, he retired like half a century ago. Either way, we need a solid man between the pipes, and in his prime, few did could beat G.
 
So far, we have used A C G I L N O R S T U W X Y, leaving us with only B D E F H J K M P Q V Z, meaning we could have a backup on the squad, but they'd probably need to be called Kemp, Zed, Me, Dvebjz. All actual names, probably.
 
Now for the numbers. Our set of letters also came with a single set of 10 digits, so let's use them, I guess. I know the numbers of three players from their HOF articles. CAL G was #69, because obviously, he was #69. Low was #34. Cast was #13, but we're using the 3 for Low already, because veterans have the first choice. So let's say Cast switches to #10. It's a good superstar forward number. I have no idea what numbers the others used and I'm just a shy equipment manager, so I'm not asking them. Yu will have #8, Xin will have #27, and that leaves #5 for R.
 
YU 8 - CAST 10 - XIN 27
LOW 34 - R 5
G 69
 
When I was trying to make this budget dream team happen, the first version of the forward line was Bentz, Su and AK47, which would have given us two Hall of Famers (Bentz and Su) instead of one (Cast), but I felt like the line was overall much worse because of the addition of AK47, who was basically only good for one season, during which he scored like 70 goals and 140 points. The rest of his career was uninteresting, and I felt kinda cheap about adding a player with numbers in his name. Also because I didn't check, but I'm pretty sure this letter set didn't come with nameplate-sized numbers. So I would only have the AK for the name plate and then we could have made his number 47, but that means the legendary Conner Low would have had his iconic number 34, so I felt kind of bad about it and decided to find another way to make it work, which is how we ended up with Yu, Cast and Xin. I'm happy about it.
 
// 1,000+ words

The best & worst of times: award season. As I’m sure the majority of the league can understand, awards are no fun when you know you aren’t on the ballot. Sure, you can be excited for your friends, and if you’re lucky, your teammates to get their name called out during VSN’s award ceremony.
 
The first time I encountered team awards was after my season with Miami. @Ricer13 did his team awards, and Matty Socks won a couple of them. Although practically meaningless, I was excited. It was one of those, “hey, nice” moments. Therefore, because Chicago doesn’t have a pre-established tradition of team awards, I decided to go ahead and do some team superlatives for season 77.
 
Does my team know I’m doing this? No. Did anyone ask for this? No. Do I intend to continue the tradition for future seasons? We’ll see.
 
So, without further ado: the Chicago Phoenix team superlatives for season 77.
 
@Blazzer : Most likely to start a riot
 
We’re starting out with a painfully obvious one: we all know that blazz is ready to jump on any cause that includes raising a pitchfork and setting things on fire. Whether it’s my season 76 championship banner not being selected to put on the voting ballot, losing to a team we should’ve beaten, or quik not indulging her in her coffee poop talks, she will, even without any backing, hit us with an :elmorise: and start a search for blood.
 
@Bobo: Most likely to change careers
 
For those of you who know Bobo, you know that he’s one of the most passion-driven individuals on this site. As the founder of the Victory Hockey Times, a current writer for VSN, dabbling in graphics, and working on an album, Bobo has an idea and runs with it. I’ve never met anyone who has an idea and instantly works to make it come to life without any hesitation. For this reason, I am naming Bobo as the most likely to change careers from a professional hockey star to literally anything he wants. Dream big, Bobo, you’re going places.
 
@Spence King: Most likely to injure himself in the hype
 
Elsby joined us in season 77. We’d seen him around before through his involvement as an AGM and a writer for VSN, but we had no idea who he was as a team player. As soon as Elsby joined our server, he hit the ground running:
 

 
And it doesn’t stop there. Whenever he dropped into the server, it would light up with activity from his insane amount of excitement and hype. In fact, as you can see from the screenshot, the team loved it so much that we voted him captain for the season despite the fact that he’d never before played for Chicago. His hype is unmatched, and for that reason, I’m naming him most likely to injure himself in the hype.
 
@gorlab: Most likely to have his mugshot go viral
 
gorlab is one of those characters with such a large personality that he could probably take home 6 or 7 laughable superlatives. Whether it’s his avid and dedicated marijuana practices or his constant reminder that he is a giant in size-14 shoes, he’s a true icon. However, the most infamous gorlab personality trait is his undying love for confrontational conflict and daring people to roll up and try to take him out. I have little doubt that gorlab was curb stomp somebody for looking at him the wrong way. For that reason, I think that, with the combination of his huge & infamous personality and his love for f*cking people up, he’d be the most likely to have his mugshot go viral.
 
@JeffD: Most likely to fall asleep on the bench
 
Jeff, our fearsome GM, is an avid gamer in many senses of the phrase. He works hard and plays hard. He sips (not chugs, that takes too many channel points) his Claws with the dedication of a working horse until 90% of his bloodstream is pumping alcohol through his system. However, that comes at a cost: sleepiness. Combine that with an unfettered rage that comes with falling behind, I fully believe that Jeff is most likely to fall asleep on the bench. love u jeff
 
@Kylrad: Most likely to show up at a social event without an RSVP
 
I have literally never been addressed by Kyl. I’ve played with him for three seasons now, and I know literally nothing about him other than 1) he plays games and 2) he’s pals with gorlab & nyko. That’s all. That being said, every now and then, he’ll show up, send an emote, and leave for a month or two. He’s still in the server, which makes me want to believe that he, somehow, feels a connection to the team. Therefore, I’ve named him most likely to show up to a social event without an RSVP. He wouldn’t tell anyone he’s coming, but when he showed up, it’d be one of those, “oh, hey pal, thought you died.”
 
@Nykonax : Most likely to scam a scammer
 
The first time I really interacted with Nyko was in the EFL server playing Among Us back when that game was still relevant. Based solely on his voice, I decided that Nyko would probably scam me out of hundreds of dollars if I weren’t careful. I haven’t changed my mind. Nyko knows more about finances than I do (keep in mind that that bar is pretty low), and he’s the VHL’s resident child. He’s clever and fun-loving, which makes me think that he could pick up a call from the Prince of Nigeria and hang up with their bank account information.
 
@Quik: Most likely to bust out the air fryer between periods
 
Jeff created our food channel, cleverly named “the lunch room,” because Quik liked sending pics of his food. Quik has a habit of rubbing his drool-worthy meals in our faces. He loves food and makes it no secret. Most iconically, though, is Quik’s undying love for the air fryer. You read that right. An air fryer.
 

 
(Yeah, I’m sure he’s a sucker for instant coffe too, but that’s not my point.) Quik, one of the most clever and stubborn people on the team, would undoubtedly hit the locker room between periods and make us french fries. I love french fries, so this is 80% a compliment. You can decide what the last 20% is.
 
@solas: Most likely to stop a puck with his head
 
JP CAMPUS MY LORD AND SAVIOR.
 
solas knows a lot of things that he does not need to know. I say this with a lot of love, but he has a plethora of useless information. The story began when I realized that solas was in the EFL server. I don’t even know if he has/had players in the EFL, but he was there. So I asked him why he was there, and he told us that he stayed for the Jeopardy! channel. Jeff added the Jeopardy! bot and created the channel, and, well, none of us knew that we would get schooled by the Jeopardy! master. He has over $200,000 - wack - and I have, like, $0. (Not “like $0,” it’s literally $0). Nobody can compete. In fact, we’ve even coined the term, “solasnipe” for every time we are waiting for the one minute to expire so that we can t.q the next question, and solas rolls up with the answer. Therefore, as our trusty goalie, I say that solas is most likely to stop a puck with his MASSIVE GALAXY BRAIN.
 
@Sonnet: Most likely to get a senior discount
 
Y’all, when I found out that Sonnet wasn’t at least 10 years older than me, I was shook.
 

 
(proof ^)
 
However, I’ve found that I’m not the only one.
 

 
Sonnet has convinced people, without even trying, that he is a boomer. He is our senile 20-something. He’s an old soul stuck in the body of a child. He has the same energy of an old man who sits on his front porch and yells at kids fetching a ball that mistakenly ended up on his property and tells them to “GET OFF MY LAWN!” (Except instead of that, he’s sitting at his desk of 6000 monitors watching anime on 2 of them, making a draft stream on another, creating a jersey initiative, who knows.) However, he’s actually just a cuddly teddy bear. Think Sandlot: the kids are deathly afraid of their baseball going over the fence because of a terrifying menace, but once they politely chat with the owner, they find out that he’s actually a great resource and he becomes an iconic piece of the baseball team. Therefore, Sonnet is the most likely to get a senior discount. Old fart.
 
@tfong : Most likely to bring a fan into the locker room
 
Finally, tfong. He, like Elsby, just joined us for this season. He doesn’t visit our locker room often (probably because he has no power there ), but he has made a home in the VHL server. The VHL server, a much more populated space, gives fong the audience he wants and lives for. He’s also made it clear that he ahem appreciates beauty. I fully believe that Jungkok, after having seen a particularly eye-catching fan, would invite them to the locker room just to hang out and for their “dazzling personality.” Therefore, I am naming him most likely to bring a fan into the locker room.
 
And that’s a wrap! See you next off-season… maybe.
 
1584 words, claiming weeks ending 5/23, 5/20, and 6/6

1. Was the theme week theme of vacation easy to write/talk/make a graphic about?
i didnt do theme week but vacation does sound like a harder topic
2. Valentines day has passed but what are your thoughts on Valentines day? Some say it's a corporate ploy to make things more expensive? 
3. If you could build your team around one NHL/VHL player, who would it be?
Connor Mcdavid in the NHL and R/L in vhl
4. Should we sign Christian Mingle to a new contract?
isn't that quik if so obviously you always need a commish around
5. Would you want your VHL friends to follow you on any social media platform?
nope, i also don't use the main social media platforms that much anyways
6. What's a skill that you want to learn?
there's too many, i want to learn how to learn too many skills

1. We're poised to top the North American standings if we can stay hot, do you think we'll be able to end the season as the 1 seed?
Yea we should be able to end the season as the 1 seed

2. How much of a trivia buff are you? Do you think you could hold your own on Jeopardy!?
Probably not, I don't think I'm bad at trivia but jeopardy's weird 

3. Word has spread that a new VHL newspaper might be in production, what do you hope they cover in some of their articles?
 hopefully they cover how awesome R is 

4. Gotta ask the tough question- who's your FAVORITE teammate and why?
L's my favorite teammate because he covers up for all my mistakes on the ice.

5. Going with this weeks theme of vacations, what would you consider your dream vacation? Do you plan on going through with those ideas?
I'm not really sure what my dream vacation is, travel wise there's a lot of places I'd like to visit, mostly in Europe 

6. What's one thing about yourself that most people don't know?
I hate tomatoes 

Ola Vikingstad
 
You too, it has been a while, glad to see you're still around here and just came back to SHL I believe.
 
@Advantage
 
 

1. With the recent hiring of new VHLM GMs, share your thoughts on how this will help the league.
don't really have any thoughts without knowing the new gms, new gms can be good or bad for the league.
2. Would you be pissed if your player ratings were reset to 40 (you'll still have your tpe)?
I wouldn't mind most of my attributes are 40 anyways
3. What's one goal in life you want to achieve?
Win the victory cup, or the founders cup, whichever's the vhl one or both
4. How has the off-season been for you?
Great, nice and relaxing
5. Chewy or hard chocolate chip cookies?
Chewy, definitely chewy
6. Quik recently said that we need a new mascot for the team. Do you have any ideas on what our new mascot should be?
Nyko is a great mascot and he has prior experience with it

yea

1. What are your thoughts on Chicago and our playoff progress as it currently stands? 
Better than expected and pretty good so far
2. Is your player a morning person or a night owl? Why?
a night owl, mornings suck, night is good
3. Do you believe in New Year's Resolutions? If so, what's something on your list?
I don't really ever make New Year's Resolutions unless I had to in school but I do believe in the idea of setting or goal or something to work towards in the new year, just never really consciously do it that often
4. How have you been recovering from the murder of our counting streak in the Discord?
Hard, it was a travesty, all my hard work contributing to it one time, but we'll recover and I contributed another one time so I can still take credit
5. Which player (not user) do you think is getting hammered alone on NYE this year?
R is getting hammered alone on NYE since he got lost in Ukraine by himself
6. Who's someone in the league that you haven't really interacted with but would like to?
McWolf, he's my favorite 

review:
seeing a jensen graphic brings me back The sizing and mainly monochromatic pallet are expertly handled as the render is easy to see. as someone who constantly struggles with text i think yours was handled rather well and looks pretty damn concise and clean. Over all the image may be a little dark for my taste but i think it gives a very clear vibe and i dig it.
 
9/I0 because why not, good to see you @Kylrad

@jared @Kylrad @Grant @gorlab @Spade18 @Eso @Kloxified @Aye my name jeff 

@Cusemode

@Kyle

@Knight

@sterling @scotty @JardyB10

@Da Trifecta

I really do hope everyone has a great 2021. May you all win the Kanou's you deserve.
 
@rory  @Hylands @.sniffuM @Victor @Josh @Quik @Beketov @Blazzer  @fishy @Spartan @Beaviss @Tate @CowboyinAmerica @Prout @Cornholio @rory  @gorlab @Kylrad @solas @a_Ferk @dasboot @Devise @Ricer13 @Zetterberg @OrbitingDeath  @Gooningitup @Enorama @tfong  @Renomitsu  @Spartan @efiug @GlowyGoat @frescoelmo  @GustavMattias @Berocka @Banackock @Peace @Jubis @hedgehog337 @Jubo07 @McWolf @Josh @FrostBeard @Frostbite @Dil @Esso2264 @diamond_ace  @Acydburn  @fonziGG @IamMOOSE @Tape-to-Tape @Nykonax  @Spartan @rory @WentzKneeFan036 @flyersfan1453 @Sixersfan549 @STZ @RedSus @fromtheinside @DoktorFunk @Molholt @emidas @chikn  @youloser1337 @thadthrasher @Dolant @MMFLEX @GRZ @Kendrick @Bushito
 
Be sure to tag your fellow members to give them good luck for 2021.