.sniffuM

VHLM Commissioner
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Everything posted by .sniffuM

  1. .sniffuM

    (S65) RW - Brian Strong, TPE: 30

    Oh hey it's Wheaties!
  2. .sniffuM

    Oh my god

    How did I know Nyko was gonna be the one like on this post? 😄
  3. .sniffuM

    Top 10 Goaltenders of All Time

    Also D'Artagnan O'McLeCouloulihanmansteinberg will crush all these goalies.
  4. .sniffuM

    Top 10 Goaltenders of All Time

    Remember when he stole ROY in his third season because he technically didn't play enough games as your backup to lose his rookie status? 😩
  5. .sniffuM

    Top 10 Playoff Performers of All Time

    Nice one. Wonder where Reik would rank here, iirc he had two or three really strong playoff performances. Hopefully at least top 20, although the competition is tight to say the least.
  6. .sniffuM

    S64 WJC Fantasy Prediction

    Canadia
  7. Previous Entries The dejected townsfolk looked on in stunned silence as Cyclops Jackson squirmed through the last moments of his life. Sonnet sprung into action, commanding everyone to help Jardy and all the other injured to one of the lone untouched buildings for medical assistance. Marvin just sat on the ground with a distant gaze, before being joined by Reives. “Hey there,” Reives said. “How could one man be so evil?” Marvin asked Reives in reference to the treacherous Pennypenny. Reives sat silent for a moment, before patting Marvin on the back. “If not for your heroic acts, we’d all be dead right now,” Reives said, attempting to cheer up his new friend. That didn’t satisfy Marvin, who continued his brooding. Reives looked around a bit, then perked up. “Hey Marvin,” Reives said. “I have an idea for you. When we were first transported here, there was nothing in this area except for a house atop a cliff up Death Path. No one that has gone to investigate the house has ever come back, hence the name for the path. If you’re really looking for answers on Pennypenny, maybe that can be a start for you.” Marvin looked up the way and faintly saw the house in the distance. “Are you sure? I feel like I should stay and help.” “We can handle ourselves,” Reives weakly replied. “We have my amazing wife to tend to everyone, after all.” Reives fetched some food and healing tonics for Marvin, and he said goodbye to the townsfolk before setting off for the house. Off in the distance, away from everyone, a rift opened, dropping Pennypenny’s top henchman Robert Malenko, as well as a terrified Banackock. Still incensed that he had been disallowed from participating in the first revival of the World Junior Championships in Season 62, Malenko had a bone to pick with ‘Ckock, and was salivating at the chance to get his revenge. He tied up the former WJC head, placed him in the shadow of a giant tree, and proceeded to ram the tree repeatedly, until it fell on top of a crying Banackock. The Season 64 WJC must find a new organizer just a short while before the tournament begins.
  8. .sniffuM

    VHL Predict the score (S64W4)

    4-1 Riga
  9. .sniffuM

    VHL Pickem (S64W4)

    Riga Seattle Quebec Helsinki
  10. .sniffuM

    S64 WJC Uncapped TPE Opportunity

    Welp guess I gotta shoehorn a sentence about the WJC into Bread Sandwich.
  11. .sniffuM

    Keaton Louth Rule

    All good. As bana said though, there is a lot currently being discussed (VHLM and otherwise), so hit us with a reminder on this in a couple weeks when things are hopefully a little more fleshed out and we should be able to give more attention to it.
  12. Previous Entries Part III The man continued to poke at Marvin’s listless body. After a solid 25 minutes of prodding, Marvin finally came to with a shocked gasp. “I didn’t think you were coming back,” the man said with a wispy smile. Marvin brushed himself off and struggled to his feet. “Who are you?” Marvin inquired. The main gave him a chilling look before responding, “There will be time for all of that later.” The two ventured to the man’s house, where his wife used her assortment of tonics and bandages to treat Marvin’s various wounds. The two conversed for a while, Marvin explaining that he had been transported to the location via portal and the man informing him that everyone in the town had found their way there in a similar manner. “You’ve all been sent here by Pennypenny?” Marvin posited. “Seems like he’s gathering all of his enemies here for whatever reason,” the man responded. As the man’s wife continued to nurse Harding back to health, the man went into town to buy some food for everyone. “Thanks for your help, you’re a really good nurse,” Marvin said to the woman. “I help everyone that survives the portal,” she replied. “My husband believes one day someone will come through with the abilities to help us get out of this hellish moor.” Marvin pondered her old-timey vocabulary for a moment, before remembering he still didn’t know anyone’s name. “Hey, your husband never told me your names,” Marvin said. “He’s the town’s financier, Reives,” the woman replied. “Of course, we have nothing of any true value here, so we mostly use rocks as our currency. He collects rock taxes and makes sure everyone does their fair share of supporting the town. He’s truly a great man.” “And you are?” “I was a nurse by trade, but as the only person here with any medical expertise I double as the town doctor and the town nurse. You may call me Sonnet.” Marvin was shocked, for some reason he was sure her name would be Blade Maiden. She continued on. “And of course, this is our wonderful dog, Hedgehog. He’s just the best boy.” Sonnet made eyes at the orb on the shelf. “And then over there we have our useless, ugly, piece of shit fish. All he does is eat all day, doesn’t contribute to the household or anything. His name is Beaviss.” The conversation swiftly ended, as a crashing noise was followed by the house shaking so violently it seemed as if it would collapse. Part IV Marvin and Sonnet stepped outside of the home, curious of what all the commotion was about. They arrived just in time to see that the portal had again opened up, only this time right over town, before it closed right before their eyes. In the town, they saw a massive creature wreaking havoc. He was twelve feet tall, red in color, with wings so grotesque they might as well be Beaviss the fish, and only one eye. Marvin and Sonnet rushed to the center of the tiny town, finding the cyclops with Reives in his grasp. It began waving Reives around with considerable force, smashing buildings with the same arm. “Honey!” Sonnet called out to her beleaguered lover. Reives was clearly unconscious, or worse, at this point, leading Marvin to spring into action. He attempted to punch the cyclops right in the gut, a move that yielded no success. Perturbed, the cyclops dropped Reives and swung an open hand at Marvin, which was narrowly avoided by Marvin laying on the ground. He reached up and grabbed the arm as it swooped by, holding on for dear life through the forceful swing before finding his bearings and climbing across the monster’s arm and onto its back. Harding tried punching it in the head to no avail, before the monster flexed its back muscles to send him flying. The townsfolk found their bearings and attempted to help, climbing on the monster’s back in a similar fashion. It was able to shake most of them off, but Bushito the blacksmith remained with a persistent grip. The cyclops responded by reaching back and grabbing Bushito’s arms, before once again flexing his back muscles, this time generating so much force that it tore the poor blacksmith in two, blood spraying all over the fallen townsfolk. They looked on in horror as the cyclops turned, threw the disembodied arms to the ground, and began to step towards them, a grotesque smile spreading across its face. The cyclops grasped a pillar holding up the town center, ripping it off and collapsing the building. It used its sharp teeth to fashion the pillar into a sharp-edged spear-like device, and began to plunge it downward at Jardy the tavern owner. Just before the spear impaled the poor drunkard, Reives tossed the biggest rocks he could find desperately at the cyclops, first hitting it in the junk and then in the eye. The monster grabbed at its afflicted areas in pain and turned towards Reives, red with anger. It opened its bloodshot eye and began charging towards Reives, whose face looked a well of determination. As the cyclops continued to approach, the townsfolk activated a self-defense trap, springing a rope to come up out of the dirt and fully extend across the monster’s path, causing it to tumble to the ground face-first. It rolled to its back, determined to kill everything in sight, but before it could rise Marvin stepped onto its body, somehow wielding the massive pillar spear. Part V “Can you speak?!” Marvin demanded of the once-mighty giant. “What?” the cyclops responded. “English motherfucker, do you speak it?!” Marvin was clearly growing angrier. “What?” Marvin thrust the spear to within inches of the monster’s singular eye. “Say what again! I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker!” With that bit out of the way, the townsfolk finished bounding the cyclops’ appendages to the ground, entirely immobilizing it. “My name is Cyclops Jackson,” the creature bellowed. “Well are you ready to die, Cyclops Jackson?!” Harding was clearly not fucking around. “No! I’ll tell you everything I know!” Cyclops Jackson sensed that his foe was clearly not fucking around. He told everyone about how he had been living in Cyclops World, six months short of finishing his doctorate in sociology, when one day he was walking and fell into a crack in the ground. From there, he was bound to a wooden post for ten years, forced to watch through a viewing portal as his fiancée forgot all about him, marrying someone else and getting rid of everything that reminded her of the disappeared lover she was sure left her for some other life. Eventually the realm spoke to Cyclops, telling him that it could transport him to the people who had placed him in his personal hell. The townsfolk were torn. This creature had just destroyed nearly everything they spent years building, but they sympathized with his story nonetheless. Cyclops cried profusely as he went through his tale, and eventually most of the townspeople joined in. One townie that was not amused was Jardy, who was still incensed about Cyclops singling him out and nearly killing him. As Jackson finished his story, Jardy was the first to respond. “So you think your story just makes up for all the destruction that you brought here?” he slurred. “All the lives you took, all the people you traumatized, we’re just supposed to forget about all that?!” The townsfolk gasped, and gazed upon Jardy with angry, tear-filled eyes. “He didn’t know any better!” uttered McWolf the professor. “He thought we ruined his life!” shouted Shawn Glade the shopkeeper. “He’s been through so much, can’t you see that? Like we, who had been transposed from our homes, our very lives, ripped from our roots and brought here, just to start anew with no knowledge of what’s to come and no reason as to why it happened! “He had his life all planned out! He studied so hard in sociology, took years to get over his high school sweetheart, and his father’s drinking certainly didn’t help! All the weight of the world placed upon his shoulders, beginning at his upbringing and continuing through his high expectations for himself birthed by his parents’ disapproval, and he thought he could never trust again! “And he finally found his true love! She was everything he wasn’t, everything he was lacking to ever accept himself for what he is and achieve true happiness! And he was torn from her, watched as she grew to resent him because she believed he left, and was told it was our fault, and yet you can’t see the hell this poor man has been through?!” Devise the small business owner preached. Jardy took a swig from his flask and wiped his mouth. “All I see is dirt, and a creature that is somehow beneath the dirt in composition and yet continues to reside above it. You disgust me Jackson, you killed our people, you ruined our livelihood. Death wouldn’t be enough for your ilk.” Jardy walked over to Cyclops and spit in his eye. Cyclops mustered all his strength, ripping the ropes that bound each of his limbs and shaking Marvin from his perch on top of his chest. He grabbed Jardy and stood up as the pillar landed sharp-side up, crushing the lower half of the mad drunkard. “No!” the town yelled in unison, wanting to save their comrade despite the vile words he had spewed. Cyclops tightened his grip, and tightened it more, but the cries of his new sympathizers brought his consciousness back to the surface. Cyclops looked to Jardy, and placed his latest victim gingerly on the ground, with legs bent every which way. The tears began to flow from Jackson once again. He looked down to his hands, thinking about what he was, what he had become, what he really could still make of himself. The townsfolk looked on in silence. From there, Cyclops let gravity take control, slipping forward as the townspeople reached out to him and yelled in anguish. His body never fully hit the ground as the pillar spear impaled his eye, launching fragments of cyclops brain all over the surrounding area.
  13. .sniffuM

    Bread Sandwich, Parts III, IV, & V

    Humble beginnings my friend.
  14. .sniffuM

    Bread Sandwich, Parts III, IV, & V

    So by implying a fish couldn't possibly be useful to an epic tale you've shown the true colors of your fish prejudice.
  15. .sniffuM

    Bread Sandwich, Parts III, IV, & V

    Who said you won't?
  16. .sniffuM

    VHL Donation Index

    Transaction ID: 3UM89326GS900954C Doubles Week Doubles Week 5 TPE $1mil store cash @Josh.
  17. .sniffuM

    Bread Sandwich, Part II

    Previous Entries As Marvin Harding stood there, eyes slighted at the realization that Pennypenny was in fact the culprit in the mess, the world stirred, light giving way to darkness and the floor crumbling beneath the muffin shop. Muffin man’s tears dissipated to polychromatic pixels strewn away from his body before he, too, faded away in a similar fashion. Eventually the only ground left to stand on was that under Harding’s feet, the rest of the world engulfed in nothingness, wind swirling in every direction. “Show yourself!” Harding shouted to the ether. “If it is I you truly seek,” a harrowing voice boomed back to the hockey player. “then you must run to every end of this mortal plane, to procure the ultimate truth in the face of my unending presence!” “Fuck you dude!” Marvin responded before the ground underneath his feet gave way. At this point it was only the gusts that influenced his position, as he fell for what felt like an eternity, no discernable difference in where he was or what was surrounding him. Finally, a rift appeared through the nothing, shining brighter than anything ever seen before. It appeared as if Marvin would fall beside the rift, until one more powerful blow changed his course to enter the portal. Through the rip, Harding fell at mach speed until he realized he was back in the world as he knew it, on a collision course with flat, barren ground. His impact was so great it created a crater the size of New Hampshire. There, an unconscious Marvin Harding rested, looking lifeless. “Hello?” an inquisitive figure beckoned, poking at the crumpled man that lay before him.
  18. .sniffuM

    literal spam

    That's better.
  19. .sniffuM

    S63 All-VHLM Teams

    One of these days we'll post these on time, I promise! All-VHLM First Team - May Claim 2 Uncapped TPE F - Elias Dahlberg @Nykonax F - Chance Matthews @DaftRaincloud F - Jorgon Weyed @Joubo D - Jesse Wilson @monkeywrench15 D - Piotr Jerwa @majesiu G - Rhett Stoffiday @Stoffiday All-VHLM Second Team - May Claim 1 Uncapped TPE F - Nathan Mackinnon @bagelbitesisbae F - Rylan Peace @Peace F - Nikita Flipachyev @Arayvenn D - Toby Fitzgerald @JohnnyT_77 D - Burnt Toast @Toast G - Brick Wahl @BladeMaiden
  20. .sniffuM

    HOF Articles

    Forgot about it. Will have it done early next week.
  21. .sniffuM

    S64 Group 11 Fantasy Draft

    D - Maxim Kovalchuk @Kisshan
  22. .sniffuM

    S64 Trivia Week 3

    At least this one doesn't require using forgotten era indexes. Took me 3 minutes to find both answers from my phone, just gotta cross-reference the portal and some spreadsheets.
  23. .sniffuM

    TPE: Reddit Weekly Upvote

    Did tibbles