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  1. HOUSTON--the Bulls came into Halifax on Saturday knowing that they would need to prove themselves worthy and come away with a win in order to show that they were legitimate contenders for a rivalry with the first-place 21st. After a Halifax pregame ritual for the ages (read more in articles), game 69 of the VHLM regular season (nice) was under way, with Halifax taking a 2-1 lead over the arguably rattled Bulls through the first period, with defensive players and players on the lower lines, such as Charles Alderson and Fudge Popsicle, finding the score sheet while Houston's dominant top scoring line (Maximilian Kirbsson, Kari Jurri, and Victor Kozlov) providing the scoring for the Bulls. The second period saw the script flipped a bit, with Kirbsson scoring from Jurri and Kozlov yet again and defenseman Samuel Sparrow also finding the net, this time from third-liners Joakim Sederstrom and Rhys Chism. The Bulls were out to a 3-2 lead at this point, but Halifax tied it up again as Rhye Tyr scored on the power play just over 2 minutes into the third period. About 7 minutes into the third, though, the fate of the game was ultimately decided. Houston forward Ludvig Sederstrom won a faceoff and the puck was knocked back to defenseman Jerry Garcia. He was checked off the puck, but it found its way to Garcia's defensive partner, Beau Buefordsson, and Houston maintained possession. From here, Buefordsson passed to Scotsman Callum MacElroy, who took the shot but had it blocked by Halifax's Anton Edvin. After caroming off of Edvin, the puck leaked back to the point, where Garcia unloaded a blast into the back of the net for Houston's game-winner. So why was this goal, and this game, so special? Well, first of all, look at the players with assists: MacElroy, whose drunken rants about Halifax have become league-wide news, and Buefordsson, who on his last visit to Halifax was deported before he got out of the airport. But Garcia? "I think all of us have some sort of issue with Halifax," said Garcia, who had before been fairly reserved on the topic of this season's newly-established rivalry between the two teams. "Back before the draft, I was actually contacted by Halifax twice. I'd only been registered for the draft for a day or two at that point, and I thought it was pretty neat that anyone at all was interested in me. I think they thought of me as a last-round selection, though, because I wasn't picked by them even when a few players around my level started to come off the board. I wanted to go to Halifax before the draft, but Houston has now shown me that this is where I am actually wanted." And wanted he is indeed in Houston. Upon the Bulls' arrival back home this morning, they were greeted with a parade, along with a rally in their arena, with Garcia front and center. Streets were packed with Bulls supporters waving anti-Halifax signs, Houston radio stations played the Bulls' goal song, "Horns Up," on repeat, and billboards with Garcia's face can currently be seen around the city. "Not only am I a defenseman, but I have a very defensive style," said Garcia on his goal during the rally. "So it's really a surprise that I've scored at all this season. But I think that wanting to beat Halifax as much as I do gave me that extra bit of energy I needed to put that puck in the net." When asked how the Bulls plan to use their strong following and momentum in the games to come, Garcia proclaimed, "Let's get that cup!" Based on Houston's strong play thus far, this doesn't look like a far-off dream.
  2. "Anyway, here's Wonderwall," said Halifax GM Anthony Rogers, pulling an acoustic guitar out from under his desk. The press let him get halfway through the first verse before politely informing him that the press conference was, in fact, not over, and that it would be nice, so very nice, if he could give the time to answer a few more questions about his team, the Halifax 21st, currently (and suspiciously) atop the VHLM standings behind some admittedly (though, again, suspiciously) stellar play from a few star players and the team as a whole. The conference got under way again, and ran smoothly until Rogers was asked for his opinion on the VHLM's two expansion franchises: the Houston Bulls and Philadelphia Reapers. At the mention of these names, Rogers showed no reaction whatsoever and asked the reporter to repeat himself. When he did, Rogers' response was a simple "I don't know what you're talking about." The 21st's response, or rather lack thereof, to negative anecdotes from Houston's players could certainly be explained by the situation at hand, as Rogers seemed to have no idea that the Bulls (or the Reapers) even existed in the first place, even after having played both. "So that's where Kozlov went," said Rogers, looking over Houston's roster and noticing Viktor Kozlov, a physical forward previously owned by the 21st and the lone player to be selected in this season's VHLM Expansion Draft. "Garcia, too. When the last round in this draft came up we looked for him, but he just wasn't there. I thought he just quit or something." Various Halifax players could not be reached for further comments or reactions. (@McWolf I did it)
  3. HOUSTON--As we all know, Texas is a very Republican state. ...which makes it a perfect perennial landing spot for right-wing commentator Ben Shapiro, who visited Houston's Toyota Center Friday night for one of his often-controversial, trademark speeches. It was filled with all the usual: the LIBTARD FEMINIST being RIPPED TO SHREDS and the LEFTIST PROFESSOR LEFT SPEECHLESS by Shapiro's LOGIC and FACTS. Though political matters occupied much of the discussion here, Shapiro took some time to address a question on his opinion on the VHLM, which has, as of this season, moved into Houston through expansion and gained a particularly strong following in a remarkably short time. "Now you know what I like about hockey? All these white guys beating each other up. All this white-on-white violence really helps destroy the myth of white male privilege," said Shapiro, to thunderous cheers from his predominantly conservative audience. "And it's great that our two new teams are American. It's great that we're taking back hockey as the all-American sport that it is. I mean, who needs Canada for anything anyway? ...Justin Trudeau? More like Justin Tru-don't." And it didn't stop there. Shapiro proceeded to rip into the city of Halifax, and their first-place team, the 21st, who have been the source of ridicule from many a Houston supporter with numerous preseason (and in-season) stories and comments from multiple Houston players regarding potentially illicit practices on the part of the team. "When I think of Halifax," said Shapiro, "you know what I picture? Nobody's walking around with a gun. Illegal aliens everywhere. No bald eagles dropping American flags on liberals. Just socialists with taxpayer-funded healthcare and no economy. I went to Halifax last week and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was living there. That's right, Houston: she's Canadian and ready to take over." When asked what, in particular, he disliked about the city of Halifax, Shapiro had a ready answer. "You know what I don't trust about Halifax? It's so far east. It's way out in the Atlantic Ocean, way out close to Europe. And you know what you find in Europe? Libtards and socialism. Imagine the peso becoming the official currency for all of North America. Imagine the USA being responsible for all the Mexicans. We wouldn't have President Trump to build us the wall because we'd have so much liberal influence over our country's wonderful leadership. That's what the European Union is, just a bunch of liberals letting Greece go down the drain. Halifax is so close to Europe that you could stand in Ireland and scream across the ocean and they'd hear you in Halifax. That's why I don't trust that city. If you go to Ireland you'll find a flock of liberals on all the beaches screaming across the water. That's what they're doing. They're using their liberal influence on Canada through Halifax. That's why I'm not a fan of the 21st. When I went to Halifax last week, I could just hear screaming libtards in the air and it took all my all-American patriotism to fight it off. But here I am, Houston, destroying those libtards, and here I will stay." Shapiro stood there in the Toyota Center for the next four and a half hours, destroying libtards whether the questions he received asked for it or not. *Possibly an obligatory disclaimer: the above does not reflect any political opinion of mine in any way, nor is it intended to promote any sort of political belief or ideology. I could be far-right, far-left, or anywhere in between, and what's important at the end of the day is that the VHL is a place where anyone who loves their hockey can come together and talk about it and have themselves a bit of fun, regardless of political belief or background. Please do not take this as any sort of endorsement for either side.
  4. The Houston Bulls and Halifax 21st finally met on Saturday, after a good deal of hype as many Houston players came forward to document their unpleasant experiences with not only the 21st but the city of Halifax in general. Any viewer of this game would have expected a hard, physical, competitive matchup, with both sides doing all they could to put the other in their place. But all expectations fell short of what ultimately happened during the pregame warmup in Halifax that night. Five minutes in, the lights in the arena shut off, and thick clouds of incense descended from the Halifax general managers' private box. Somebody down on the ice struck a match, and a scarecrow wearing Beau Buefordsson's #42 Houston Jersey was burned at the stake while Halifax players skated around it. By some Houston players' accounts, they were singing the Halo theme song. "I know the Halo theme song has gotten to be a bit of a joke lately on the Internet," said Buefordsson, who had to be disguised to get through security at Halifax Stanfield International Airport, "But it was scary. I took it as a bit of a threat; I didn't know whether this was normal Halifax behavior or if they were trying to send some sort of message or what." For the record, it didn't work--Halifax lost 4-3 on a third-period goal by Buefordsson's linemate, defenseman Jerry Garcia, who Halifax famously considered in the draft but let slip into the 5th round, where he was ultimately picked up by Houston. Halifax players, coaches, and management collectively avoided the topic during postgame interviews.
  5. HOUSTON--Bulls forward Callum MacElroy has gotten quite a bit of media attention lately, and he seems to be embracing it. Yesterday, MacElroy was contacted by the media for a few comments on the Bulls' long string of games against the Yukon Rush, in which the Bulls have not been particularly impressive but have shown for sure that they deserve recognition as a legitimate contender in their first year of existence. Instead of answering these questions, an animated (and visibly drunk) MacElroy proceeded to give a comprehensive ranking of every VHLM team's name, talking for upwards of ten minutes for each and more than periodically stopping to chug another can of Deuchars. So, without further ado, here's what hockey's favorite Scotsman had to say about his competitors: 8. Halifax 21st It should come as no surprise to any follower of Houston that the team has already developed burning feelings against Halifax, and MacElroy was no exception, coming forward earlier this week with his own negative pre-draft impressions of the city. Here's what MacElroy had to say, in part, about the 21st: "Awe rite, noo thes a body sucks. Whit th' heel is a twenty-first anyway? Ye hae tae explain thes nam tae anyain fa hears it coz nobody knows whit it is. It coods be twenty-first century, twenty-first regiment, twenty-first century schizoid cheil, anythin' at aw. E'en if it's guid it still sucks." 7. Ottawa Lynx Lynx, surprisingly, functions as both the singular and plural forms of lynx (though "lynxes" is actually a valid representation of the plural as well). This wasn't the issue MacElroy had with the name, however. As it turns out, he had done his research on the team before the VHLM draft, and it shows in his lack of appreciation for the name's origins. "Hoo unoriginal can ye gie? Thaur was awreddy a minur league basebaa team called th' Ottawa Lynx. That's loch if we waur called th' Rockets. Th' lack ay creativity haur makes me want tae jump intae th' Hooston River." The Houston River is in Louisiana, but we didn't tell him that. 6. Minnesota Storm At this point, MacElroy offered a very drunk (and surprisingly accurate) criticism of American citizens, no matter their region, and explained just how Minnesota's name is a prime example of the American way of thought. "Thes is whit happens when ye lit americans gab abit weaither. They aw want tae gab abit hoo whaur they bide is sae huir uv a much waur than everythin' else, hoo it's tay hot, tay braw, tay snowy, whatever. Jist swatch at thes name--'ooh, aam frae Minnesota! Swatch at aw uir storms!' Nobody gi'es a jobby." 5. Saskatoon Wild It became clear to us at this point that MacElroy wasn't going to be a fan of many on this list. He disagreed with this name for much the same reason he disagreed with Minnesota's: Western culture. "An' these Canadians, they're jist loch th' Americans. Ye hink they're aw braw syrup-drinkin' fowk, an' 'en when ye gang thaur they're aw loch 'look at uir bonnie Canadian wilderness!' dae Ah caur? nae! Ah jist want tae play some hockey." 4. Philadelphia Reapers MacElroy addressed the VHLM's other expansion franchise with the tiniest bit of respect, but then threw even that out the window as he reflected on what society as a whole might think. "Ah dornt see onie problem wi' thes nam, but nobody cares abit reapers anymair. Sure, back when th' irish didne hae onie tatties, th' nam was sure tae make a causey urchin afraid. But 'en Blue Oyster Cult went an' tauld a' fowk nae tae be scared sae noo nobody is. Thes nam sucks tay noo 'at Ah hink abit it." 3. Yukon Rush In much the same way nobody cares about the name "Reapers," MacElroy says, nobody cares about the name "Rush," though at least it has some sort of significance to the area. "Noo Ah ken 'at back in th' day aw these fowk decided tae freeze themselves inside it tae fin' a bit ay gauld an' gie rich. But hoo mony fowk ur gonnae ken thes? American kids ur gettin' dumber by th' year an' bonnie suin nobody is gonnae min' thes at aw. It's a guid reference, but it ay tooch." 2. Las Vegas Aces MacElroy here had the same issue with this name as he had with Minnesota and Saskatoon, that being an overrepresentation of regional pride, but decided to discount a bit of it due to his own personal interests. "Noo haur we hae mair americans talkin' abit hoo their city is th' best. It's aw th' fowk in las vegas sayin' 'take a swatch at us, we spend mair bunsens than ye!' Ah loch thes nam, thocht. Ah loch gettin' blooter'd an' gettin' laid an' i've awreddy bloon ben mah contract bunsens. Sae Ah can identify wi' thes a body." 1. Houston Bulls MacElroy put his own team at number one, offering a bit of hometown bias and putting an end to an altogether crazy interview. "Noo here's th' greatest nam in th' history ay names. Hooston isnae sayin' 'look, we're Hooston! We hae mair bulls than ye!' 'at woods make nae sense. Americans also ken whit a bull is, ur at leest Ah hiner they're nae glaikit enaw nae tae. When Ah saw thes logo fur th' first time, Ah main hae jumped a kilometer in th' air. It makes ye afraid an' it's perfect fur thes league's scariest team." After McElroy finished this last comment (with his volume rising with each one until he was outright screaming by the end) he passed out drunk on his front porch, and reporters left without any further inquiries.
  6. "WHEN AH WAKE OP WELL AH NO AHM GONAE BE AHM GONAE BE DA MON WHO WAKES UP NEXT TAE YOU" The Proclaimers' greatest hit was blasting out of Callum MacElroy's locker in Houston yesterday, and MacElroy was singing along at the top of his lungs. Still, he agreed to an interview, albeit through a gigantic mouthful of haggis. MacElroy, the second-year forward from Scotland, was asked the usual--if he expected to be in Houston, if he was happy to be in Houston, what he thought of the team so far, you know the drill. But when asked if any city in particular stood out to him, he had an interesting answer. "Ah hud a feelin' ah was gonnae Hooston, but thooght ah micht check it aw th' other VHLM cities an aw," said MacElroy, discussing his pre-draft plans. Due to his strong personal connection with Houston's general manager, Alexander Pepper, MacElroy fully believed he was headed to Houston, and indeed that turned out to be the case. But he still had a bit to say about another city. "Ah visited Halifax an' hated it," said MacElroy. "Ah dunnae kin hoo ye Westerners hink that's a real city. It's much tae wee an' it smells loch auld goat's milk. There's naethin' interestin' thaur an' aw th' folk swatch loch they're fed up it ay their heids ur loch they want tae kill ye." Representatives from the Halifax 21st could not be reached for further comment.
  7. HALIFAX--Beau Buefordsson went undrafted this year, but that didn't stop him from being at the center of a pre-draft scene in Halifax. The defenseman who signed with Houston on February 19th came forward Sunday night with a shocking, and perhaps, a tad humorous, anecdote from before the VHLM draft, when he was being scouted by teams around the league. Visits went well, he said, to every team interested in seeing him, even as he flew to northern Alaska for a visit with the Yukon Rush. There was one team, however, that he did not meet with, and that was because he didn't even get past airport security. The official cause? He "looked too Nordic," according to French-Canadian Jean-Luc Dubois, head of security at Halifax Stanfield International Airport. "I went through the metal detector, got the full-body scan, complied when I was asked to take off my left shoe so they could smell it, didn't complain when they took my lucky bottle of rat urine, and they still stuck handcuffs on me and shipped me back to the States because I had the 'nose of a Swede'," Buefordsson said in Sunday night's press conference. When reached by the media, a representative of airport security delivered one single sentence in reply: "Canada is a country for the French." Many other Canadian cities, Vancouver and Toronto included, have condemned this statement, and the city of Halifax states that Buefordsson's detention "in no way reflects the moral character of Halifax or its people." Representatives for the Halifax 21st, thought by a small group of Houston's supporters to be at the root of this problem, could not be reached for further comment at this time.
  8. Good evening guys, I just wanted to address you all as a team! Just wanted to say it's great to be here and be apart of the team. I'll do the best I can in every way possible. I'm ready and capable to work hard and play the best. This is my first ever season in the VHLM so if you don't really hear from me, don't think anything bad. I'm just getting use to all of this and how it all works. I'll pop in once and a while. For now I'll try to be as converse as possible with you guys and eventually be there 24/7. Right now I'm doing everything I can to gain MAX TPE each week. I want to help this team win the cup, what ever it takes to get there, I'm in it with all of you! I hope none of you think I'm a bust or anything of that nature, I believe I'm the complete opposite and I'm ready to prove that. I'll see you all on the ice for practice and can't wait for the season to kick off! LETS GET IT BOYS! -Nacho (190 words)
  9. There was a lot of turmoil in the heart of Julius Freeman when he realized he was too late for the VHLM draft. This cause a fire to be lite in his heart to push himself past all previous thoughts of ability and made him consider his future in the league. He reached out to a number of General Managers and each had pros and cons but one gave him the straight truth and told him it would be a tough road and that nothing would be given. Talking with Anthony Rogers he told me that it would be tough to be a star on the team but if I worked hard and fought with every fiber of my body I could possibly make the second line. So I signed and all through training camp where I meet with every teammate I showed the ferocity of my game but with the kindness toward my fellow teammate. I worked hard but encouraged everyone to push themselves to the limit as well. This continued all through training camp until the final day before we took a break to rest before the season started. The coaching staff said that we were to pick our own captains that no one was a given. I put my vote in the hat like everyone else and was excited to see who would end up being voted as the captains. When Anthony tailed the votes and was ready with the results he gave them to Aran Thranduil the AGM to read off. Assistant Captain: Rhye Tyr. I was so excited since he was a solid defender who has helped me learn the ropes of how to stop opposing offensives in their tracks. Assistant Captain: Julius Freeman. I was shocked and delighted, I would be lying if I wasn't wanting the position but never would have thought that I would get it since I was an undrafted rookie who just joined the team. Captain: Dimitri Volosenkov. My mentor on the ice and now my Captain. Wow, this guy is going places maybe he will go 1st overall next year in the VHL draft. The sky is the limit with this guy. Once everyone congratulated me we were given a few minutes to say a few words. Dimitri said some great words like 'Let’s keep this train rolling all season long and go for a cup. I believe in this squad and I have faith that we can be serious contenders.' Rhye liked to let his on-ice performance do his talking so he was short and sweet and almost said the exact same thing as Dimitri. When it was my turn I didn't know what to say but I tried my best and said: 'I know I'm new here but I am truly grateful for your belief in me. I will do my best to make it so that your faith in me was not put in vain. We are more than the Captains and Assistant Captains. We are a team first and foremost, and together we will push Halifax past the point where past teams have fallen short. We will do this for them, We will do this for Us, We will do this for all future Halifax.'
  10. Newest member of the Halifax 21st
  11. I'm new to VHL and this is a logo I created after being drafted by the Halifax 21st! Tried to put my sub-par photoshop skills to the max for this one boys! let me know what ya think
  12. Good evening, In surprise late night event out of Halifax, Hadrian Melborn, rookie defenseman, signed a $1.5 million contract today with the 21st. Halifax placed 3rd last year in the overall standings, and they are again currently projected to be a middle of the road team this year. However, Melborn’s addition could make a big difference on the blue line to shake up their ability to compete with the heavy hitter’s like Oslo or Ottawa. Melborn had this to say about his decision to join the club: “I believe my skills are something that Halifax could use. I want to be able to provide a big addition to this club. In return, I feel that Halifax has a great staff and can help me in my development on my way to the VHL. They gave me a platform to make a name for myself early. I see a future with this club winning the Founders Cup.” Melborn is a 2-way defensemen that, while having plenty of skill, needs plenty of coaching to hone in his raw talent. We’ll be keeping a watchful eye on his progress as the season progresses.