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JardyB10's VHL Member+ Award Ceremony


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JardyB10's VHL Member+ Award Ceremony


Good evening ladies and gentlemen and everyone else of the VHL. My name is JardyB10, and welcome to the inaugural standalone JardyB10 VHL Member+ Awards! These awards are far more prestigious than the ones that are sanctioned and given out by the league, because they come from the heart - an organ that VHL award voters do not possess. Let us not dilly-dally any further, and let's get into the show!

 

Best VHL Pet


We're going to start off with what will likely end up being the biggest and most important category. I, like most people, am a big fan of domestic critters. Bless the VHL and its Discord for giving members a place to spam photos of their fuzzy friends, it is easily the best and most underused channel on that platform. I've given it a quick scan, and here are the nominees for the best pet in the VHL:


Mozi the Oodly Looking Dog - @DMaximus
Tiko the Husky - @Enorama
Unknown named Golden Retriever - @Ledge and Dairy

 

All of these sweet boys and girls, and those not nominated, are cute as fuck and I love them. However, one stands out among the rest by virtue of being an awesome dude and having an owner who knows what the heck is up. The award for best VHL Pet goes to.......

 

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TIKO THE HUSKY!


What a wonderful breed. What a personality. Makes me smile every time. Easy winner of best VHL Pet.


The Biggest Dumbest Piece of Shit Award


This might be a bit of a controversial category because it's also a very competitive one! The league is chock full of big dumb pieces of shit (including yours truly), and you could make a compelling argument for any single member to receive this prestigious award. It wasn't easy to narrow it down to three nominees, but I'm giving it my best shot:


@Frank: Is he one of the league greatest graphical talents? Yes. Is he a super chill dude who makes both the league and teams he's on better? Arguable, but sure. However, is he a stinky young ginger boy who always has edgy television characters as his avatar? Absolutely. For these reasons, he's a big dumb piece of shit.


@Zetterberg: The very definition of a member who has truly done nothing wrong except seem to be reasonably okay with me being unreasonably mean to him in my podcasts. I retired the bit in audio format, but I said nothing about the written word. For this reason, he is a big dumb piece of shit.


@Beketov: Robert's sins are numerous. For starters, he's the first player/member to be banned and punished hard for being a big cheater. His experience in these matters made him the perfect fit to take over simulating our league games, as that job is generally reserved for the most rotten of riggers available. Finally, as one of the head honchos of the VHL, truly every single league decision that is made will be disliked by at least someone. If that isn't big dumb piece of shit behaviour, I don't know what is.

 

Which of these three pieces of shit are the biggest and the dumbest though? Allow me to open the envelope......

 

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IT'S FRANK!

 

He's rotten to the roots, having been recruited by DGFX or some shithead like that, and the aura of soullessness he brings to the table is unmatched by any Blue Team or esteemed recruiter. Congratulations Frankwick, you've truly earned this!


Most Inactive


Here we have our final competitive category of the evening! For every active member we have here in the VHL, we likely have 10+ inactive members. Some of these members haven't even made a single post. Others have only made a single post. The voting for this award was raw and angry, so we needed FOUR nominees instead of the traditional three.


@gorlab: Another one of the league's most prestigious graphical talents, gorlab can throw fades both in Photoshop and in real life. The players that have come from his agency are some of the most electric the league has ever seen, but his time here hasn't been without controversy. Relatively recently, one such controversy went so awry that gorlab decided to hang up his proverbial skates indefinitely, likely to set up shop at the local Fuddruckers.


@Will: Had William Donald Draper still been active, he would have given Frank a real run for the BDPoS Award. As it stands, Will is truly one of the most inactive members available. As far as I know, he doesn't even have a player in the league right now, though if he does, he is truly awful. Will can be poorly counted on to update the forum sometimes, as well as embezzle league donations into his drug fund.


@Beaviss: Yet another former commissioner who cracked under the formidable and thankless weight of the job and mercifully fled from the league. I did not have a ton of overlapped time with the young Beav, but I have heard many comparisons between him and I. Which tells me that he is in fact prodigal at being inactive, and everyone is better for it!


@hylands: One of the most popular inactives today. Despite GMing a team in the league and being a consistently strong earner of those TPs, he is undoubtedly extremely inactive. The fact he has yet to be fired and banned is yet another reason Beketov earned a BDPoS nomination.

 

A hearty crop of inactive members with scrub players! The one who stands out above the rest is none other than...

 

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BEAVISS!

 

When Butthead told Beavis to "settle down," he took those words to heart. He is a man we will never see again, and I respect him for it.

 

Best VHL Team

 

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IT'S THE DAVOS DYNAMO!

 

That concludes the JardyB10 VHL Member+ Award Ceremony! I would like to thank everyone for coming out tonight, and hope you all enjoyed your weekend. Have a good night!

 

~1000 words.

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