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Claimed:Story Time - Chapter I.2


  

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Story Time - Chapter I, Part 2

Jean-Luc

 

Continued from Chapter I, Part 1

 

“Of all the places to be when the end of the world strikes… Why did it have to be fucking Germany?”

 

The question doesn't require an answer, but Jean-Luc sees that Jon isn't the only one who keeps asking himself that. Why did they have to be in a foreign land when the world goes to shit? A land whose language they don't speak. A land in which Jean-Luc had planned to just spend a few hours in until his connecting flight was ready. A connecting flight that never came.

 

"I don't think it's anything important." Patrick shrugs, still looking at the plain white sign with the black letters which is installed right under another, larger one, round and red with a thick white horizontal line in the middle very much like the do not enter signs Jean-Luc knows from back home.

 

"No matter what it says, we can't read it anyway", Jon adds, "let's just keep moving."

 

The uncertainty makes Jean-Luc nervous, but he says nothing. For all he knows this sign could be a warning, but as much as he hates it, he has to agree with Jon - there is no way for them to find out what it says.

 

"Look, over there!" While the rest of them were talking, Sara had move away from the group a bit, almost disappearing into the fog. "I think there are some houses." She points onwards and after a few more steps, Jon sees it as well. He can't make out if it's an actual village or just some scattered buildings that maybe belong to a farm, but does it matter? He had almost forgotten about his empty stomach but now that there were signs of human civilization, the hunger returned with all its power. Since the group had to leave the airport all of a sudden, they had barely eaten anything aside from airlines peanuts and old pretzels.

 

B4IKywa.jpg

 

"Careful", Jean-Luc hushes into the others direction as they slowly approach his building. The five of them are barely armed and the axe in Jean-Luc's hands that he picked up near a farmhouse probably makes him look more dangerous than he actually is. At least being a lumberjack he knows how to use it, but he isn' so sure about the others who settled for improvised clubs, blunt rusty knifes and an old hockey stick. A fight is the last thing he was after, empty stomach or not.

 

"Ping."

 

Jean-Luc and Patrick notice the sound almost simultaneously. They both stop right away and signal the others to do the same. The sounds seemed to come from inside the building. It is eerily quiet again. As close as the group is now, Jean-Luc can also take a look at the window front, which seems to be barricaded from the inside, although loosely. Racks full of magazines block the view, but they don’t look very stable.

 

“Can you see something inside?”, Jean-Luc whispers into Patrick’s direction.

 

“I’m not sure. I think I see a rack full of cigarettes a bit in the back, if they have magazines and cigarettes, they will at least have some snacks as well.” Patrick talks louder and his answer is longer than Jean-Luc would have liked. And more snacks and other cheap stuff aren’t exactly what he had in mind either, even though it’s better than nothing. Maybe, just maybe, there’ll be some regular food in there as well.

 

Nobody has moved for a good few seconds. Finally Jean-Luc turns around: “So… what now?"

 

A: This doesn't seem like it is worth the risk. Leave and get back to following the road, looking for a more worthwhile target.

B: Break through the front door and try to get a jump on whoever is in there.

C: Break through the front door but be careful afterwards and don't try to provoque the inhabitants.

D: Try to go around the building and look for another, less obvious way in.

E: Make your presence known to the people inside and show your peaceful intentions.

 

[You can find more information about this story, including a description on how you can become a part of it, in the opening post here. Please vote in the poll to help decide what the group does next, and of course I'm looking forward to comments as well. Also I'm still experimenting with times and perspectives a bit, so some of that could still change over the next few chapters.]

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Guest Svoboda_3

Content: 3/3

687 words. Obviously I choose B. But I love this interactive type of work, where you have the poll and the readers suggest where the story goes next. Th writing was very descriptive and smooth and the story itself is building up, so it leaves the reader something to look forward to next edition. This edition wasn't tied into the league or anything, but I'm sure you are getting there, so I'll let it slide to the left.

Grammar: 2/2

anyway", Jon adds = anyway," Jon adds

move away = moved away

isn' = isn't

provoque = provoke


Appearance: 1/1

Nothing wrong here.

Overall: 6/6

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  • Admin

I didn't realise how not even league-related this is because all the names are just names. I hope this isn't too long haha (please no Song of Ice and Fire) and if you could tie it in to the VHL at least somehow that'd probably be better.

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I didn't realise how not even league-related this is because all the names are just names. I hope this isn't too long haha (please no Song of Ice and Fire) and if you could tie it in to the VHL at least somehow that'd probably be better.

 

I already talked about that with Slobo, probably gonna submit them as Fan590s in the future as I really don't see how I could tie the actual VHL into this aside from some quick passing references.

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  • Senior Admin

Personally I think the fact that its interactive with member submitted characters is enough. But I can see how it may cause issues with other people thinking they can write about apocalypse whenever they choose. 

 

Anyways, great reading thus far :)

Edited by Draper
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Yeah it's the precedent being set which is slightly concerning. Not that I think many people would undertake a project like this but still.

 

Yeah I actually agree with that, if we allow one person to get TPE with non VHL related stuff, who knows what will follow? I'll just stick to Fan590s from now on :)

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