Queef: The Official Story

[twists 367]

Queef: The Official Story

 

Although Eric Queefson has retired from the VHL, we will always have fond memories of him. This media spot looks to address his career as a whole and to mourn our fallen retired comrade.

 

The Early Years
Eric Queefson started his career in the VHLM like everyone else. He had a lot to prove as he was of Queefson descent. At the trade deadline, he joined the Las Vegas Aces. He saw lots of playtime immediately. In the remaining 13 games of the season, Queefson saw 11 assists and 0 goals. Almost PPG in his first season! The Aces made the playoffs but were knocked out in the first round after 5 games. He managed to put up 4 assists in the playoffs which seemed to match his regular season production. After the season ended Queefson began preparations for the VHLM draft. He was a highly sought-after prospect and was drafted 7th overall by the Philadelphia Reapers. GM @Pifferfish talked Queefson up in the GM discord saying he was his top pick in the whole draft. Queefson had not met Pifferfish before the draft, but they soon started a beautiful friendship. Queefson was voted the captain of the Reapers prior to the season starting. As a result, Piffer made sure to run his GM decisions by Queefson to make sure they were on the same page. I believe this was their key to success as a team. Season 88 was a magical season for Reapers fans everywhere. The season started slow, but by the end of the year, the Reapers had a beautiful 89 points and sat in 3rd place in the league. Queefson was a force to be reckoned with and put up 26 goals and 54 assists totaling 80 points. In the first round of the playoffs, the Reapers faced the 21st but made short work of them winning in 5 games. The next series was going to test the Reapers, they played the Hounds who were first in their division. Through a brutal series, the Reapers barely came out on top winning in 7 games. They had made the finals, what would happen next? The finals had everything, heartbreak, determination, leadership, and victory. The Reapers won in 7 games and Queefson was voted the MVP of the playoffs with 7 goals and 18 assists in only 19 games played. A spectacular wrap-up to his amazing VHLM career, it was now time for the VHL draft.

 

The Draft and DC
After the excitement of winning the Founder’s Cup, Queefson knew he had to settle in for the VHL draft. There were lots of rumblings as to where Queefson would be drafted, but one GM made it very clear that he would be taking Queefson at number 2. That GM’s name was @FrostBeard and Queefson was drafted right after Viktor Jensen at number 2 overall. Queefson was ecstatic, he was joining a young team in the DC Dragons and was going to have lots of room to flourish. Queefson was ready to make waves during his rookie season and went on to put up 12 goals and 25 assists for a total of 37 points in his rookie season. Not the best showing, but Queefson thought it was only up from there, that’s where he was wrong. The Dragons failed to make the playoffs and Queefson began to start making bad decisions. He stopped showing up to practice, failed to communicate with his team or GM, and eventually went awol. Queefson entered into the VHL player assistance program at the start of S90. He was dealing with a lot of mental health issues, and couldn’t represent his team in his current state. Queefson put up a meager 18 points in S90 and his rights would be traded to Moscow in the offseason. 

 

Moscow
In the offseason between S90 and S91 Queefsons rights were traded to Moscow. Just as the season started Moscow GM @Spartan  was able to pull Queefson together and get him out of the program. Queefson was placed on the top pairing and truly given a chance to excel as it was a rebuilding year for Moscow. Queefson had his best season to date and was able to get 14 goals and 41 assists for a total of 55 points. Everything looked up for Queefson, however in the offseason, Spartan decided to send off Queefson for picks to LA to help with the rebuilding effort.

 

Los Angeles
Queefson tried to keep himself together after a brutal trade that he had no say in, but it started to catch up with him. He played out his season in LA, albeit reluctantly. His efforts were questioned as he only put up 49 points in total, down from the previous year in Moscow. As Queefson's struggle with mental health didn't seem to end, he wound up back in the player assistance program by the end of the year with LA. Not helping the situation at all, Queefson’s rights were once again traded in the offseason. This time, his long-time friend Kaleeb would try to help him out of his slump.

 

Malmo the Fixers
Queefson had at one point been active within the Malmo organization. Some may call this a conflict of interest, but in the VHL those apparently don’t exist. After @KaleebtheMighty had noticed Queefson slumping, he made the move to acquire his rights in the offseason for relatively cheap. Kaleeb made valiant efforts during S93, but it was just not quite enough to pull Queefson out of his slump. Queefson remained away from the team for the entire season while putting up a disappointing 46 points. Despite Queefsons best effort at sabotaging the team, Malmo still won the Victory Cup. During the offseason Queefsons rights expired and he was acquired as a free agent by Warsaw.

 

Warsaw and the Future
As season 94 started Queefson made one last-ditch attempt to come back to the VHL. He joined his close friend @N0HBDY in Warsaw and aimed to help them make a good playoff run. We are currently at the trade deadline in S94 and Queefson has 9 goals and 38 assists for a total of 47 points. He is actually on pace to have his best season by just a few points. Warsaw also sits comfortably in a playoff spot. Can Queefson help Warsaw win the cup? Can he have a redemption season? We don’t have answers, so we’ll just have to wait and see! As exciting as this season has been for Queefson, he made a huge announcement on Monday. Queefson has decided that this will be his last year in the VHL. It’s been a bumpy ride for Queefson, so while it's a shame his career is ending early, he deserves a fantastic retirement. N0h let it be known that he did not agree with Queefson retiring, but alas that did not stop him. However, I’ve heard rumblings that Queefson had a child who may grow to play in the VHL soon himself. There will be more on this in a future point task or biography. Who could I possibly be talking about?

 

Epilogue
This was very fun to write, and I still issue apologies to all of the GMs who I may have fucked over their team by going inactive. I’m well aware that I have become known for going inactive and hopefully my new player will help break the trend. Mental health and the VHL player assistance program was a fun way to write about my inactivity, but it’s also somewhat true of the reason I went inactive. I have struggled with depression since I was very young, and I have a bad habit of spiraling when big changes happen in my life. I’ve talked about it in spurts before in VHL.com articles, but it is a really difficult issue that I struggle with on a daily basis. I know it's hard to imagine that I can really be that depressed when I joke around and hang out in Discord, but a lot of the time that's just a mask I put on. When I have gone inactive in the VHL, I tend to go inactive in all of my hobbies, chores, and with friends. When I get in that downward spiral I know I tend to cut out everything I enjoy. Naturally, this only makes things worse, and you’d think I could talk myself out of it easily since I understand what’s happening, but I can’t. I have been making big efforts to change that this year and moving forward. I work with a therapist to help me realize I don’t have to shut down when the going gets tough. I’m also finally on a good regimen of medication. Once again, I’m sorry for going inactive, but I really am doing my best to not do that anymore. I am looking forward to Youre Not Fucking Retiring having a great career with some cool people! I'll be back in the VHL soon enough!
 

Edited June 26 by twists

[N0HBDY 1,108]

I hate you

[twists 367]

50 minutes ago, N0HBDY said:

I hate you

 

That is a little rude

[Pifferfish 429]

On 6/25/2024 at 8:01 PM, twists said:

Queef: The Official Story

 

Although Eric Queefson has retired from the VHL, we will always have fond memories of him. This media spot looks to address his career as a whole and to mourn our fallen retired comrade.

 

The Early Years
Eric Queefson started his career in the VHLM like everyone else. He had a lot to prove as he was of Queefson descent. At the trade deadline, he joined the Las Vegas Aces. He saw lots of playtime immediately. In the remaining 13 games of the season, Queefson saw 11 assists and 0 goals. Almost PPG in his first season! The Aces made the playoffs but were knocked out in the first round after 5 games. He managed to put up 4 assists in the playoffs which seemed to match his regular season production. After the season ended Queefson began preparations for the VHLM draft. He was a highly sought-after prospect and was drafted 7th overall by the Philadelphia Reapers. GM @Pifferfish talked Queefson up in the GM discord saying he was his top pick in the whole draft. Queefson had not met Pifferfish before the draft, but they soon started a beautiful friendship. Queefson was voted the captain of the Reapers prior to the season starting. As a result, Piffer made sure to run his GM decisions by Queefson to make sure they were on the same page. I believe this was their key to success as a team. Season 88 was a magical season for Reapers fans everywhere. The season started slow, but by the end of the year, the Reapers had a beautiful 89 points and sat in 3rd place in the league. Queefson was a force to be reckoned with and put up 26 goals and 54 assists totaling 80 points. In the first round of the playoffs, the Reapers faced the 21st but made short work of them winning in 5 games. The next series was going to test the Reapers, they played the Hounds who were first in their division. Through a brutal series, the Reapers barely came out on top winning in 7 games. They had made the finals, what would happen next? The finals had everything, heartbreak, determination, leadership, and victory. The Reapers won in 7 games and Queefson was voted the MVP of the playoffs with 7 goals and 18 assists in only 19 games played. A spectacular wrap-up to his amazing VHLM career, it was now time for the VHL draft.

 

The Draft and DC
After the excitement of winning the Founder’s Cup, Queefson knew he had to settle in for the VHL draft. There were lots of rumblings as to where Queefson would be drafted, but one GM made it very clear that he would be taking Queefson at number 2. That GM’s name was @FrostBeard and Queefson was drafted right after Viktor Jensen at number 2 overall. Queefson was ecstatic, he was joining a young team in the DC Dragons and was going to have lots of room to flourish. Queefson was ready to make waves during his rookie season and went on to put up 12 goals and 25 assists for a total of 37 points in his rookie season. Not the best showing, but Queefson thought it was only up from there, that’s where he was wrong. The Dragons failed to make the playoffs and Queefson began to start making bad decisions. He stopped showing up to practice, failed to communicate with his team or GM, and eventually went awol. Queefson entered into the VHL player assistance program at the start of S90. He was dealing with a lot of mental health issues, and couldn’t represent his team in his current state. Queefson put up a meager 18 points in S90 and his rights would be traded to Moscow in the offseason. 

 

Moscow
In the offseason between S90 and S91 Queefsons rights were traded to Moscow. Just as the season started Moscow GM @Spartan  was able to pull Queefson together and get him out of the program. Queefson was placed on the top pairing and truly given a chance to excel as it was a rebuilding year for Moscow. Queefson had his best season to date and was able to get 14 goals and 41 assists for a total of 55 points. Everything looked up for Queefson, however in the offseason, Spartan decided to send off Queefson for picks to LA to help with the rebuilding effort.

 

Los Angeles
Queefson tried to keep himself together after a brutal trade that he had no say in, but it started to catch up with him. He played out his season in LA, albeit reluctantly. His efforts were questioned as he only put up 49 points in total, down from the previous year in Moscow. As Queefson's struggle with mental health didn't seem to end, he wound up back in the player assistance program by the end of the year with LA. Not helping the situation at all, Queefson’s rights were once again traded in the offseason. This time, his long-time friend Kaleeb would try to help him out of his slump.

 

Malmo the Fixers
Queefson had at one point been active within the Malmo organization. Some may call this a conflict of interest, but in the VHL those apparently don’t exist. After @KaleebtheMighty had noticed Queefson slumping, he made the move to acquire his rights in the offseason for relatively cheap. Kaleeb made valiant efforts during S93, but it was just not quite enough to pull Queefson out of his slump. Queefson remained away from the team for the entire season while putting up a disappointing 46 points. Despite Queefsons best effort at sabotaging the team, Malmo still won the Victory Cup. During the offseason Queefsons rights expired and he was acquired as a free agent by Warsaw.

 

Warsaw and the Future
As season 94 started Queefson made one last-ditch attempt to come back to the VHL. He joined his close friend @N0HBDY in Warsaw and aimed to help them make a good playoff run. We are currently at the trade deadline in S94 and Queefson has 9 goals and 38 assists for a total of 47 points. He is actually on pace to have his best season by just a few points. Warsaw also sits comfortably in a playoff spot. Can Queefson help Warsaw win the cup? Can he have a redemption season? We don’t have answers, so we’ll just have to wait and see! As exciting as this season has been for Queefson, he made a huge announcement on Monday. Queefson has decided that this will be his last year in the VHL. It’s been a bumpy ride for Queefson, so while it's a shame his career is ending early, he deserves a fantastic retirement. N0h let it be known that he did not agree with Queefson retiring, but alas that did not stop him. However, I’ve heard rumblings that Queefson had a child who may grow to play in the VHL soon himself. There will be more on this in a future point task or biography. Who could I possibly be talking about?

 

Epilogue
This was very fun to write, and I still issue apologies to all of the GMs who I may have fucked over their team by going inactive. I’m well aware that I have become known for going inactive and hopefully my new player will help break the trend. Mental health and the VHL player assistance program was a fun way to write about my inactivity, but it’s also somewhat true of the reason I went inactive. I have struggled with depression since I was very young, and I have a bad habit of spiraling when big changes happen in my life. I’ve talked about it in spurts before in VHL.com articles, but it is a really difficult issue that I struggle with on a daily basis. I know it's hard to imagine that I can really be that depressed when I joke around and hang out in Discord, but a lot of the time that's just a mask I put on. When I have gone inactive in the VHL, I tend to go inactive in all of my hobbies, chores, and with friends. When I get in that downward spiral I know I tend to cut out everything I enjoy. Naturally, this only makes things worse, and you’d think I could talk myself out of it easily since I understand what’s happening, but I can’t. I have been making big efforts to change that this year and moving forward. I work with a therapist to help me realize I don’t have to shut down when the going gets tough. I’m also finally on a good regimen of medication. Once again, I’m sorry for going inactive, but I really am doing my best to not do that anymore. I am looking forward to Youre Not Fucking Retiring having a great career with some cool people! I'll be back in the VHL soon enough!
 

Can't wait to meet again, Woody is ready to coach up the next prodigy of the Queef School of Hockey!

[twists 367]

Claiming week 2/3

[twists 367]

Claiming week 3/3