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I'm gonna shock all of you


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I was the one who submitted this for the Writing Ranks:


The World Cup has finished and the focus is rightly pointed on two well-known pussies who decided to use the most patriotic games of their career to grow a pair of testicles. Heading into the World Cup, both Tom Slaughter and Don Draper had failed to rack up any meaningful PIM numbers in their VHL careers, however they will return to their team ready to continue the fine vein of form they found at the World Cup.


Slaughter, who has only managed an abysmal eleven penalty minutes in four VHL seasons, managed to beat that in just one game with the USA as, during an incredibly dull game with Canada, he decided to break the monotony by lowering his pants and taking a shit on the ice, earning him not only a standing ovation from both sets of supporters, but 15 PIMs and an ejection from the game.

Although Draper also used the World Cup to prove the PIM ability that many felt he lacked, the manner of which he decided to go about it was unsurprisingly lame. Facing the Mercenaries, Draper decided to use the opportunity of facing a weaker opponent to pick a fight with Jaime Hill, who is a woman. Whether Draper has brought shame to the art of PIMing with this cowardly act will be up for debate for centuries to come, but at the very least he’s finally proven that he is able to find his way out of the game.


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