Claimed:STABBY McFULLOSCHMIDT ROOKIE PROFILE: The One Man Wrecking Crew [Final 8/8]

[John Scott 46]

STABBY McFULLOSCHMIDT ROOKIE PROFILE: The One Man Wrecking Crew
by Dick Shivers

 

 

Stabby McFullOSchmidt, the Bratislava defenseman who’s hometown is listed as “A Dumpster Behind a New Hampshire 7-11.” The 7’0”, 300lb defenseman is an absolute wall on the ice, and a wrecking ball for the opposition. The 23 year old had high hopes for the VHL, but since going undrafted, found himself drinking three bottles of Canadian Superior and punching himself in a blind rage. It was unsure that McFullO’Schmidt would ever play again.

 

 

Stabby McFullOSchmidt finally came out of his coma and has slotted back in on the Watchmen roster. I had a chance to watch some exhibition games featuring the young bust, and we’ve seen a lot of promise coming from the defenseman.

 

 

STRENGTHS

 

 

1.      FIGHTING – Stabby McFullOSchmidt is a fighter at heart. The defenseman is never afraid to drop the gloves and take one for the team. Whenever the Bratislava stars are targeted, or there’s another enforcer on the ice, Stabby will make them pay with the 5-Finger Form of Justice – Open-Mindedness, Respect, Integrity, Passion and Punching. Stabby just loves to stab, but ever since he tried to sneak a shank into a game against Moscow, he’s had to resort to the most violent form of aggression the league will allow.

 

 

2.      CHECKING – When Stabby isn’t dropping the gloves, he’s throwing the body. Stabby doesn’t even care where the puck is on the ice: if your head is down, he’s gonna make you eat the ice. Stabby has perfected his checking method by forcing his arms up and out, using his elbows in a way that’s not technically a penalty. He even hit the ref in one game. Watch out for Stabby because you won’t like him when he’s angry, and he’s always angry.

 

 

3.      SKATING – Probably the only real hockey skill that Stabby possesses is his ability to skate up and down the ice. Probably because he’s gotta get back into position so he can get out of position to deliver a crushing bow or agitate the opposition. Stabby’s skating is no joke: he can really hustle.

 

WEAKNESSES

 

 

1.      SHOOTING– Stabby couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn. Hell, Stabby probably couldn’t hit the broadside of a high school. Not that he would know; Stabby only has a 3^rd grade education. Too much fighting. But when it matters, when Stabby knows he can rocket the puck into the eye of his rival, Stabby always hits his mark. Or the boards. He’s really not very good.

 

NO IMAGE FOUND

 

2.      PUCK HANDLING– Stabby doesn’t do well with the puck. Everytime it’s passed to him, he gets tripped up, says Fuck It, and goes after a member of the opposing team. Every. Single. Time. Don’t expect any dirty dangles from this defenseman.

 

 

3.      FACE OFFS – One time, Stabby was called into the dot when the rest of the forwards got kicked out. Instead of trying to win the puck, he shanked the opposing center. Let’s just say that Stabby has no interest in the puck whatsoever.

[Kylrad 178]

Overview 2/2 Yup, all the info needed was there

 

Pros & Cons 3/3 Great, look forward to seeing how a goon does.

 

Grammar 2/2 Not much to find

 

gonna - going to

 

Presentation 1/1 Looks good

 

Overall 8/8

[Victor 10,844]

Think we found the new Edwin Encarnacion tbh.

[eaglesfan036 4,595]

Think we found the new Edwin Encarnacion tbh.

edwin multi confirmed?

[Victor 10,844]

edwin multi confirmed?

YEAH! makes good player, John Scott suddenly returns?

Pretty much definite.

[Kendrick 4,741]

Claimed