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Claimed:5 VHLM rumors that might come true [Final 6/6]


atw2592
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1. Ottawa trades everyone.

After a huge season 46 draft that saw the Lynx acquire numerous active pieces to their team, general manager Jardy has been in contact with multiple teams to discuss trades. Goaltender Atticus Von Braxton IV seems to be the most popular player coming up in trade talks. He currently has 53 TPE and one of the best trainers in the VHLM who will assure that his skills progress throughout the season. Highly coveted by Oslo, Moscow, and Brampton, Von Braxton will probably require a first round draft pick and another solid veteran goaltender in return. Not only could Von Braxton be on the move, but LeAndre St. Pierre and Jonathan Stark also might be in a different jersey soon. St. Pierre has an excellent relationship with the Oslo Storm and they are willing to give up draft picks to acquire him. On the other hand, Stark has a smaller price tag and could be moved for a single first round pick or multiple second round picks. Jardy has been known to make some ballsy/stupid decisions in his life, so we’ll see if any of these moves actually come to fruition.

 

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2. Despite having a large “trading block,” Moscow pussies out and doesn’t make any moves.

Currently, the Moscow Red Wolves are shopping some of their best players and looking for good offers in return. The only problem is that no one really knows what general manager Steven Stamkos wants for his top guys. Obviously some draft picks will need to be involved, but it seems like Stamkos is all talk and no action at this point. Will he grow a sack and be more precise about his offers? Or will he continue having a vagina and not responding to anyone’s attempts at contact?

 

3. Oslo goes the entire season without having an active player.

This seems like a very possible rumor at this point. Oslo has been persistent that they want to acquire some activity for season 46, but it doesn’t look like they have the assets to make a move for one. They might have to just ride this season out as an above-average team who doesn’t have a realistic shot at making the finals or having a high draft pick.

 

4. LeAndre St. Pierre retires if he is not traded to the Storm.

Continuing from the second rumor, Ottawa could be out of a high-level left winger if they don’t make a deal to send St. Pierre to Oslo. “I’ve been in the locker room for a week and Jardy has already made numerous jokes about penises” said St. Pierre in an interview last night. “Normally I wouldn’t be offended by penis jokes, but Jardy always looks me in the eyes and tells them with a straight face. It creeps me the fuck out.” This could be an issue going forward for the Ottawa organization.

 

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5. Yukon draws a total of seven fans in the first game, forcing them to relocate.

Last season was nothing short of an embarrassment for the Yukon Rush. As a result, Yukon currently has a total of two season-ticket holders and things aren’t going to improve anytime soon. With only five players on the roster for season 46, it would be easy to put those guys in a mini-van and send them to a different city who wants to watch them lose all year long. Rumors have linked the relocation of the Rush to Cleveland, Ohio.

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Content 3/3 Comedy aside, all of these points seem to be based in reality and are fairly well-explained. They were also about different teams, not just you and yours. Job well done.

Grammar 2/2 I didn't catch anything in there. If anybody disagrees, they're showing some ineptitude in their analysis.

Appearance 1/1 

Total 6/6

Edited by Hybrid1486
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  • Hybrid1486 changed the title to 5 VHLM rumors that might come true [Final 6/6]
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