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Claimed:Making A Movie With VHL Talent: 2nd Edition


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Making A Movie With VHL Talent: 2nd Edition



NEW YORK - Last week's article about casting the members of the VHL into a cheesy, cliched cop film turned out to be quite a successful venture and was just as fun to write, so I will be following it up with another go this week. This time, however, I will instead be casting members of the VHL into a romantic comedy film, because fuck you. Just like last week, I can only use members of the VHL and VHLM, regardless of how fun it might be to cast them with Richard Simmons just to creep them out. Bonus points if you can figure out which movie I am lifting the plot from. Let's get started.




Jimothy Merrill is a down and out golfer who has not been relevant for several years. Although his age and strained relations with his family have contributed to it, a waning love for the game he so revered as a youth has sapped his desire to play the game. With the PGA Masters looming, Merrill decides to try to qualify for the Masters to make one last shot at finally winning at Augusta. During the qualifying rounds, he meets an up and coming female golfer, Claire Thomas. While immensely talented, Claire is rather immature and cannot handle making mistakes without blowing up and completely losing her composure. Despite the wishes of her overprotective father and the advances of other younger golfers, Jimothy decides to help Claire control her emotions and unlock the potential of her game. Spending time with her revitalizes his love and passion for golf, resulting in a surprising qualifying round that puts Jimothy's dream in sight and sparking a romance. Will he be able to win both the Masters and Claire's love? Find out by watching...







Jimothy Merrill: Michal Wozniak



A player who seemingly never seemed to quite play up to his potential, Wozniak probably assumed he was heading into this season to ride the coattails of his teammates and Calgary and end his career in a decent manner. Instead, something has lit a fire under Wozniak, leading to an absolute career year for the veteran center, who has led not only the Wranglers, but the entire VHL in scoring with a ridiculous 154 points. Michal may be able to get the storybook ending that Jimothy desires, making him the absolute perfect casting choice.


Claire Thomas: Naomi Young



The amount of female prospects in the VHL/VHLM are rather limited, although the young, talented Naomi Young makes for a good parallel. While the center doesn't really have the rage issues that Claire does, Young can be awfully lazy and has not really shown off her massive potential this season, making her the natural choice to have an older, veteran center on his way out in Michal Wozniak the perfect guy to be her Jimothy Merrill.


Randolph Manderbach: Sebastian Ball Jr.



A young, promising golfer who also vies with Merrill/Wozniak for Claire Thomas/The Funk Trophy. While Manderbach has had himself a good campaign that made him among the frontrunners, the old veteran's sudden emergence has put him on the back burner and he is not particularly fond of it. It will make for an interesting showdown when the two show down in a tiebreaker round with the PGA Masters title on the line.


Scott Thomas: Skylar Rift



Claire's father, who believes that Merill is only a distraction to his daughter and who will only hurt her chances of winning the Masters. While initially vehemently opposing everything Jimothy does to attempt to help her, Scott eventually sees the good nature and intent behind Merill's actions and in the end warms up to him and allows Claire to learn from the crafty veteran. This transformation from black to white, cold to friendly can absolutely be personified through Skylar Rift's adoption of the "Two-Face" moniker. His imposing nature only adds to the appeal of the choice.


Jay Montra: Robert Gow III



A humorous, insightful and helpful caddie who has faithfully served with Jimothy over the course of his career. A guy who can always be counted on for a laugh, good advice and the sort of wild ideas that really get this plot moving. Robert Gow III is just the sort of guy you can count on for comedic value.




Color Commentary: Wesley Kellinger



While golf commentary is usually dry, dull and about as exciting as using sandpaper as lubricant, that's not the kind of guy we want here. We want someone who is full of bizarre, colorful and entertaining commentary during the golf scenes of this film. While the work that led me to make this choice did not occur in the VHL, I never said that it had to, so suck it. Wesley Kellinger has just the sort of bizarre humor and wit to make something dull like golf or MMA matches that turn into dry hump sessions on the mat into comedy gold.


Washed-Up Veteran: Alexander Labatte



Jealous of the success of his peers, this old veteran has tried to shout louder than the publicity that Merrill has attracted, trying to get the attention back on him. In the meantime, his game continues to spiral downward and more or less prove to be the polar opposite of the man whose attention he craves. While Labatte has been good this season, he sucked some serious shit last season in New York, so fuck him.


Missing Guy on a Milk Carton: Austin Hickey



Seriously, where the fuck did this guy come from? Holy shit dudes.


Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, which once actually covered football simulation leagues. He enjoys stepping into Christmas, playing with bobble heads and masturbating with sandpaper.

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Content: 3/3 - Another humorous article, I like that you made me Ilya. You had funny stories centered around each character in the movie.


Grammar: 2/2 - Just one.


amount of female prospects in the VHL/VHLM are rather limited - amount of female prospects in the VHL/VHLM is rather limited


Appearance: 1/1 - I laughed at most of the pictures.


Overall: 6/6

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Content: 3/3 - Another very funny media spot from Doomsday. I've come to expect these from you and leave disappointed when you write more serious articles. The VHL should chip in and get one of these movies filmed and we can use them for advertising purposes.


Grammar: 2/2 - The worshiper of Foles found 'em.


Appearance: 1/1 - Uh huh.


Overall: 6/6


FINAL: 6/6

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