Life Advice & Decision Making Help Thread

[Squinty 116]

wtf ise  exp

[Guest]

wtf ise  exp

It's a Bar in Victory Square. Sandro has good taste

[Victor 10,529]

 ANCOUVER MEET AT A BAR

but they won't get the V, am I right?

[AwfulHomesick 148]

Here's a really long post about how I think I hate one of my best friends since elementary school.

 

I have a friend of mine that no matter what, we always stuck around each other. Let's call him C. We're both into the same music, get along really well, and we have the same other 2 best friends we always hang around. I felt like these guys would be my brothers for life from the amount of time we spent together.

 

Fast forward a few years and it's my senior year of high school, or last winter. C suggests we start a band, and since we both have guitar skills and I've had experience being a vocalist, I jump at the idea. But as it turns out, C has had this band of his for a month and they already have songs with him on vocals. I've never actually heard him sing before, so I gave it a shot (Mind you, our drummer is one of the other mutual best friends.). It was really hard listening to his voice constantly. I don't know how the hell the other two could stand it. He had his moments when he sounded good but has no technique whatsoever. Our songs were composed and written by him. It felt like the band name should've been "C and (insert name here)"

 

Anyways, we play a couple shows, and through recording his voice doesn't get any better. So one practice I finally snapped and let out everything I felt. It was a sudden wave of emotion that I've been keeping inside. I ranted on about how he's the only one contributing to any of the writing process because if any of us ever suggest to change or to write something new, he shoots it down or says he'll look into it and ignore it. I've written lyrics with the intent of him writing music behind it but nothing came out of it.

 

Meanwhile through all this time, C's ego and behavior changed big time. He starts treating me like I'm lesser than him, and he simply just turned into an asshole. This became more and more apparent to me when we both worked at the same place over the summer and I spent hours with him 5 days a week, on top of other band stuff.

 

We ended up going to the same college this past fall, and granted, he was my only friend for a bit. But anytime I was with him, I didn't want to, but where else could I go? I finally found a passion I could devote my life to. Journalism. I joined the school's paper and within days I met great people that I easily clicked it. It was an instant relief walking to school, entering the newspaper office and shooting the shit with new friends while I do something I love. There's a strict rule in the office that if you don't write for the paper, you can't hang around there, so C and I hung around for a bit around the school while I just wanted to be in that office. I asked him if he wanted to join, with the biggest hope that this would mend the negative feelings I had towards him and I can have two of both my new friends and my best friend. He said no because he doesn't like writing, so I didn't think much of it.

 

Not very soon after it was until he hangs around the office and also starts becoming friends with these new people. I thought this would be great, because it's the best of both worlds. I was wrong. He joins based on the fact (This is what I believe) that whenever he comes to school he has a place to hang out with no real interest in the journalism. Sure, he writes articles regularly just like me, but he has his own thing that he loves and I have mine. The fact that he inserted himself into it really pissed me off. I sound really selfish but there's no other way of putting it. So every time he walks in that office my mood turns to shit and I try to avoid him as much as possible, despite him being my best friend.

 

Today I finally quit the band after a nearly a full year of activity. Its become a chore instead of something I do for fun. I can't stand him anymore. He didn't show up to the office today and I realized how happy I was that he wasn't around the whole day. I'm slowly distancing myself from him but he'll notice because he doesn't know I've felt this way for nearly a year now. Our group of friends are always together and if I stop hanging around C, that means I won't see my other friends as often too. If we exclude C, he'll definitely take notice. I'm at a crossroads here.

 

I don't know what to do. I appreciate any advice and anyone who took the time to read this.

[BOOM 8,401]

Sounds like the Beatles. Where's Yoko?

 

As for the friendship angle, there's always times where people drift apart. If you can be civil towards one another there is no reason you shouldn't be able to remain friends with the others in the group. Why should one person come between you and a whole bunch of friends that you have no issues with. Whatever happens, all the best with it.

[frescoelmo 1,217]

Drunk and disorderly. Sounds like my type of perp.

 

Fresco, I was in a work conference and got out at 1 am in Seattle. You said you were in Portland. Wrong PNW city.

 

Yeah because you waited too long to get back to me! 

 

I'll be in SEA this weekend again.  Make room damnit!

[Guest]

Yeah because you waited too long to get back to me! 

 

I'll be in SEA this weekend again.  Make room damnit!

Unless you want to come help with wedding planning, you may have to take a rain check on seeing my ugly face.

[JardyB10 4,834]

Here's a really long post about how I think I hate one of my best friends since elementary school.

 

...

 

I don't know what to do. I appreciate any advice and anyone who took the time to read this.

 

While I've drifted from a good amount of my friends from high school, I don't really have much experience in straight up growing to resent people I hang out with all the time, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

 

I don't think you need to break up with him or anything, but if it really bothers you to be around him, you maybe should stop "trying to mend" your friendship (if you haven't already).  As in, I wouldn't like, go out of my way to spend time with him.  Just do your own thing with people you enjoy being around, and if he ever shows up then whatever, just focus on the positive things, and try to have a mutual respect at least.  You're still very young, and one day you'll be in very different places, and this shit will barely be a blip on the radar we call life.

 

tl;dr:  You're in college, enjoy it.  Don't let negative feels drag you down.

[Gudnason 607]

@Squinty goes to Langara?!