Claimed: Mocking Draft

[Baozi 1,635]

Mocking Draft

www.VHLHockeyNews.com

 

You asked to mock, so I will mock.

 

1^st Overall: Toronto Legion

Moons is a bad goalie and he should feel bad. Freshie is young but bad, his only real saving grace is that he comes into the chat and talks to me on the odd occasion. But honestly would want to goto a team with such a bad goalie? Dollar probably has to get a goalie with this pick since the team is so laughably bad. Sokolov is a COD lover so he can only run and gun and knows nothing about tactics. The rest of the team is just plugs and scrubs, honestly signing a team just to fill spots with cheap sub -100 TPE players is fairly lame.

 

2^nd Overall: HC Davos Dynamo

Just because I’ve had a long running history doesn’t mean I’d want to go there now. With Smarch at the helm, he’ just going to make whatever tactics benefits him the most just like when Connor Low was around. In the case with Failbone, hes going to give himself the max PP time on max offense and not care about much else. The prospect pool is pretty bare too, just a damn full of inactives that a beaver couldn’t chew through. Poor Streetlight, his crappy name of a goalie is in for a world of hurt. I mean actually spelling a player name with a number is just begging for karma to smack you.

 

3^rd Overall: Helsinki Titans

Not quite sure what Riggings put into Pablo’s water but it was a doozy. A team with a veteran core but somehow gets this 3^rd OA pick? Only thing I can relate them to is a bunch of sandbaggers honestly. Terrible for this team to exist, it perpetuates the idea that GMs need to coerce and trick each other in order to get ahead. Nothing is about parity, is about tricking other GMs into moves to put you ahead. The only thing stopping them from true greatness is that fact that Riggins can’t Rig these days it seems or hes been saving it up for when I arrive. Actually now that I think about it, I don’t mind sandbagging if it gets me the cup.

 

4^th Overall: Riga Reign

Not even sure what to make of this team, haven’t been here since Mike was in charge and back then he tricked me into signing with them with a 400 TPE goalie. Thankfully double D is a bit more than 400 TPE but that’s about all they got aside from a 300 TPE dman and Virtanen at 470. They have hedgehod who seems to be doing well but then they turned around and drafted Leblanc who got picked before me in the VHLM EXCEPT I MANHANDLED HIM. Guy is soft as butter and I can bulldoze him.

 

5^th Overall: Quebec City Meute

Honestly who wants to play for Frank? The guy has been riding my coattails since I got him the winning seasons as Daisuke Kanou. Incredibly overrated GM that got carried by a hot goalie. Think Carey Price and the Therrien and Bergervin. The only reason the Habs looked good was because Price was godly and when he comes back to earth, it shows that the team is poorly coached and constructed. Bergevin going to get the chop soon and Frank is going to get the cut too if VHL ever cut GMs.

 

6^th Overall: Stockholm Vikings

Can’t cover the stench of its old franchise still and that fact that Karnage and boubai still managed to profit and get a good player career out of it. Honestly Vikings? Who cares about Vikings, what I care about in Sweden are blonde babes and Victoria Secret models. Why wouldn’t you model your team name after some of their best exports? WOMEN!

 

7^th Overall: Helsinki Titans

Seriously again? What kind of dirt do they have? No way a legitimate franchise should have picks and a strong team. That goes against all parity ideas. That being said, I like winning so I’d be semi-ok with it as long as I got to see some hot Finnish chicks.

 

8^th Overall: Quebec City Meute

Fuck you Frank, you Eichel look alike minus the hockey skill! So obviously you’re just pretending to look like a GM too.

 

9^th Overall: New York Americans

Any team that has Shankly on it can’t be good. Also whats with this 300 TPE goalie? I hope they lose.

 

10^th Overall: Calgary Wranglers

Jacob, Jardy and Pablo’s players will be up next season so Calgary is actually positioned well for the future if they stop trading away multiple assets. So yeah lots of good core pieces here and I’ve never played with Calgary so not bad. Just probably need a good GM.

[Smarch 2,942]

Greatest mock draft.

 

Now I draft you to bench you in the first three seasons

[Higgins 3,617]

Okay so by the sounds of it, you only want to come cheat your way to a championship on Helsinki

 

good enough for me.

[Frank 4,764]

Lmao