Old Man Yells At Cloud (And Vegas) [1/2]

[pennypenny 227]

            Well, what a season this has been. The VHL has been summarized by a bunch of teams showing up that nobody originally thought would do as well as they have, the Americans suck despite the fact they have a solid team and a solid goalie hoorahing the team in his final season, and the Bears and Legion both suck massive schlong so badly that they’re in the fight for the coveted “Edmonton Oilers” 1^st overall draft pick. But then again, you can’t tank THAT bad – because all four of the bottom teams have 25%. Oh well, you can still try for the “Piece O’Shit” award, handed off by the Free Agents legend himself Slava Voynov.

 

            That’s for starters, but let’s continue down to the VHLM, where things have been quite lackluster as far as difference goes. To start, the previous Founder’s Cup winners, the Saskatoon Wild – they are in the running for the VHLM equivalent of the “Piece O’Shit”, the “Eh, could be worse.” Handed off by none other than Vancouver Canucks legend, Mark Messier. I know, I know, he hands off two awards in a year – believe it or not. Guy jumped ship from the NHL with his leadership award to christen the VHLM with his “Fuck Messier” presence that he bestowed on Vancouver. They don’t have a team right now, they got scraps from their previous drafts, all those players that never became anything. The team is just in a rebuild mode, but they are good for right now.

 

            The real culprit though, the real “Piece O’Shit” winner this year though is without a doubt the Las Vegas Aces. Can you believe a team that has a capable top pairing in defense, and a somewhat ELITE centreman in Revchenko, the team has fallen on its side and croaked because of a GM that has went MIA. Malenko has gone on to say on multiple occasions that the fact that the team has not even tried building up, or even fixing itself to become a contender has absolutely disdained his confidence in the GM.

 

            “You know, I come down to the VHLM to win, and I see my team isn’t succeeding – so I talk to the GM about it. He says, “don’t worry, if we can’t build a good team around you, we will definitely be able to trade you to a contender.” But that situation never arises, and it’s just like, well fuck – where am I going to be put in this situation? I am stuck on a team with someone who doesn’t want to make it better, I am stuck here until the season is over now because of the lack of dealing at the trade deadline. We’ve lost seven in a row, and before this terrible finishing to the season – I was having incredible games. Four-point games multiple occasions, and at one point a 13-point streak. The fact that we went from 2^nd in the league down to near dead bottom because of the lack of moves is unacceptable.”

 

            Malenko has gone off to the press to say that he had requested multiple trades once he saw the GM was reading his messages but instead replying with 8-Ball Pool, and Beer Pong games instead of responding directly to the player. The Las Vegas Aces seems to be falling apart at the seams with all things considered, because of the lack of direction brought forth by the GM – and the remaining players on the team sticking to playing Fortnite and eating “like six cheese danishes” at Starbucks, there’s little to no doubt that this team won’t even make it past Saskatoon in the Wild Card game of the playoffs.

 

            Malenko has been a top player in the VHLM, almost always in the top 3 until about 15 games ago. The presence of players that got brought in with the Ottawa Lynx, Oslo Storm, and the ridiculously stacked and desolately packed Yukon Rush, they all dominated over Las Vegas and their lack of players that know how to tie their own skates. Malenko and Stromberg have gone on record to say that “These guys, I swear. I don’t even know if they could tighten Velcro skates” showing the lack of camaraderie in the locker room. Without any sort of GM in sight, Malenko along with Revchenko have started up a fitness group to put these “unable bodies back into able shape.”

 

            None of the players attended however, all choosing to go party in the Bellagio and blow their measly one million dollars on hookers and blow.

            All things considered – the VHLM is looking grim to be as simple as the NBA. The team filled with all stars in the Yukon Rush is almost certainly going to take away every single award, despite the fact the team is jam-packed with stars, and will be taking away from the ultimate D-man pairing in the league in Stromberg and Malenko (The Strombalenkoergo Connection). Leph Twinger is “fucking ridiculous” as said by Robert, but he’s on record as also saying that he “makes a mean strudel” as well, perhaps hinting to one day having a Twinglenko connection as well.

 

            Also, in other less relevant developments, can we just talk about how ridiculous this schedule is for the Las Vegas Aces. 61 games, while the Rush and Oslo have both played 65. The discrepancies here are far more than in the VHL where every team has an equal amount of games. Could this be perhaps an additional reason as to why the Las Vegas Aces suck monkey balls? The lack of games on time cause an increased number of hangovers and increases the likeliness of players missing out on their game because they instead went to the fucking casino, god damn it you guys.

 

            To put plainly and to put simply, Vegas sucks, the Yukon Rush are going to shred everyone a brand-new pair of Wheaties, and the entire VHL is currently in limbo between the top four teams. Like, Jesus Christ, how are these teams so close together. Oh well, I will cheer on Markus King in his final season. Go win it tiger.

 

(over 1000 words, July 16-29)

Edited July 20, 2018 by pennypenny

[Gooningitup 1,290]

Atleast you had me last year haha so your still active and know not all teams are that bad :p.

 

i knew id suck this year after i went all in last year. Happens rush will be meh next year too. Id trade for u but makes no sense haha

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

We'll get you a cup in Toronto instead.

[diamond_ace 3,106]

14 hours ago, Gooningitup said:

Atleast you had me last year haha so your still active and know not all teams are that bad :p.

 

i knew id suck this year after i went all in last year. Happens rush will be meh next year too. Id trade for u but makes no sense haha

I figured I'd suck as well after trying to go at you last year, but turns out I'm pleasantly mediocre.

[BluObieZ 1,125]

Time for GM change in Vegas

[TheLastOlympian07 2,388]

Review

Sucks to suck. Jokes aside, pretty shitty when you don't have a GM that will trade you when you aren't happy especially if its in the VHLM because tbh, the VHLM is supposed to be about development but for the most part it is always just 1 team that stacks up and wins.