Name that Brand!

[Cornflakers 73]

ADIDAP - Lower body appreal
Welcome to All Day I Dream About Pants, we are the leading supplier of pant, Long, short, khaki, and Spanx daily wear. We also have been supplying the VHLM with hockey pads, shins, double fibre woven socks, as well as those little pads that go by your bum. ADIDAP, for pants shorts and/or skorts and everythings in between (wink). Our lower body protection experts have just what you need to get your better half safely and snuggly into the game. Come on down to your local sports supplier where ADIDAP lower body apparel is here for you!

Vapuer - official nicotine, tobacco and herbal vaporizer of the Las Vegas Aces.

Welcome to Vapuer, are the refs getting you on your last nerve? Is your wife nagging you to mow the lawn even though it’s night time and the dew would fuck up the motor? Look no further than the Vapuer vaporizer for tobacco or herb. Officially crafted as gifts for the initial season ticket holders at the t mobile centre in Nevada, they were such a hit that the opening game had to be cleared out between periods due to the smoke clouds coming from the rink. Smoking inside is one of the classiest things going these days, and if you want to blow smoke in your pets face, do it with the style of various real life hockey sticks. Our vaporizers imitate the body shape of your favourite VHL superstars. Our premier product is the new Podrick Cast Fibre Glass Venom Star 7. Get yours at the pro shop today!

 

Persons Jewlers - official ladywear of the VHLM

Want to impress your girl with a last minute gift but don’t want to break the bank? We buy only from premium pawn shops and verify all gold, silver, and diamond jewellery, the other stones are hit and miss and are sold as is, BUT we do have quite the selection of earings, wrist watches, and entry used pearl necklaces (wink). Come and take a look at something that used to be someone else’s, and that we cleaned up a bit, and marked up 290% of what we paid for. From now until the first game of the season, but a pair of diamond earings and get a voucher for a free hotdog at the T-Mobile arena.

 

[BOOM 8,401]

8 hours ago, diamond_ace said:

Green Bear

 

Tired of other energy drinks claiming to give you appendages their specified animals don't even have? Well, bulls may not have wings, but bears certainly have claws! Get your claws out and sink into Green Bear energy drinks, great for scorers, defenders, and even for fighters, who can really dig those claws into their opponents. Five patented formulas - Grizzly, for the big hulking defensemen and two way forwards who like to block up the lane; Kodiak, for the power forwards who blast the puck with full strength; Sun, for the little guys who use their speed and tactical awareness; Panda, for increased agility when rolling around to get in the way of shots, great for goalies and positional defenders; and Polar, the goon's formula, for the only strictly carnivorous bear there is. Green Bear: sink your claws into it!

 

 

Quote

Tordahl’s Airway – Tordahl’s Airway is founded by Odin Tordahl who was a former VHL legend that has entered into the VHL Hall of Fame.  Odin wanted to give back to the Victory Hockey League and is now getting involved in the VHL Market to try and provide cheaper and safer flights for all Victory Hockey League players, coaches and staff.  Only time will tell if Tordahl’s Airway will take off but it is likely to be available soon to New York players and staff due to the connection between Tordahl and his former team.

 

[McWolf 3,111]

True North Gear

Everyone knows hockey is Canada's game. It's a fact. So where do you go when you need to buy the bestest hockey gear in the universe? You go to True North Gear! We pride ourselves in the quality of the gear we sell you Canadian hockey players and fans. Real Canadian gear made for real Canadian players. Our gear is made from authentic Canadian material coming from the True North. As a matter of fact, True North Gear's factory is so far up north, it's actually on the other side of the globe! Being located in China allows us to have competitive prices with the other companies on the market. Visit our stores, located in every major cities of the True North strong and free!

 

Snow

Do your kids constantly ask you a couple of bucks for a Slush Puppie after their hockey practices? Would you like to try one too, but you're scared it would ruin your reputation of distinguished father? If you answered yes and/or no to at least one of the above questions, Snow is for you! If Eska can bottle spring water and sell it 3$ for 500mL, why can't we? We found the location of their natural spring in Saint-Mathieu-d'Harricana, the site where we now harvest our natural and authentic Snow during the winter. Leave that radioactive suggary delight to your kid, and enjoy a good cup of Snow. Other fathers will be impressed by how distinguished you are when you taste your delicious natural-flavoured crushed ice drink. Snow, it's literally just Snow!

 

Draftees POV, Episode 1: @Sonnet's Alexander Pepper

Be a part of the life of the upcoming draft class prospects with this new life-invasive documentary. Every episode clocks in at 24 hours of uncut tape and follows your favourite future VHL stars like Ryan Kastelic, Tzuyu or Julian Borwinn everywhere they go for a complete day. Everywhere. Don't miss a single second of their uncensored daily activities, learn about their routines and follow them as they head downtown for the wildest of parties. The first episode airs tonight at midnight and centers around Las Vegas Aces goaltender and Benoit Devereux Trophy favourite, Alexander Pepper. Enjoy the lifestyle of the city of lights, but not before sharing a head-to-head shower with the prospect. You won't want to miss that!

Edited September 25, 2018 by McWolf

[monkeywrench15 220]

Biggest Fan: The biggest fan is a fan that sits on the team benches during play. i mean youre in a hockey arena and sometimes it gets hot with all those people. now it may not be the most practical thing to put in there, but you can turn these fans into hot air or cold air. the player are sweating their balls off so you can put the fans on cold to help them when they come off the ice. Or you can put the fans on hot to melt the ice and create a different style of game.

 

Seat Down in Front: A button attached to every seat that sits behind the front row allows for the fans to press it and have security tell the front row to sit down when they are being selfish. we've all been there where you can't see the game because the person in front of you is not sitting down. hell we've all been there where the puck is in the corner and you cant see whats going on along the boards because someones caboose isn't planted on their seat cushion. that is now no longer an issue with a new button that a voids these situations.

 

VChairL: Every seat is now your own personal playground with VHL 19 being available on a tiny screen in front of your seat but on the back of the seat in front of you. It allows you to entertain your kids because we all know kids these days cant stay focused on anything unless a screen is in front of them. maybe after the game you can even stay for a shootout. this comes in handy for those games that going into multiple overtimes and your kids are bored but you are thoroughly enjoying yourself watching some extra hockey.

[McWolf 3,111]

1 minute ago, Sonnet said:

 

I don't know if he signed off on this...

 

You didn't notice that network guy holding a release form for you to sign amidst groupies wanting autographs on their body?

[Stoffiday 127]

56 minutes ago, Sonnet said:

 

I don't know if he signed off on this...

 

Welp, good luck with that... 

[Peace 1,518]

EDGE
EDGE is an industry leading, highly advanced hockey statistic tracking program delivering advanced stats for you at no additional costs - simply buy our program and watch it go to work! No time for fuss? EDGE gives you the edge over your opponents. No more hassle, no more in depth mathematical equations (boring!) - EDGE does it all for you inside our program, simply export the player data and you'll find all the advanced statistics for all your arm chair GM'ing needs! Are you a commissioner of your own league supporting advanced stats? Are you the NHL Commissioner? DON'T WORRY! EDGE gives you the EDGE on advanced statistics! ... Sold separately from other company products.

RAYZOR
Has your playoff beard grown so thick that normal razor blades simply can't defeat it, just like the teams you crushed in the post season on your way to a victorious championship? Don't worry, RAYZOR has you covered. Our six bladed, micro-precision military grade titanium blades are strong enough to shave a cactus and sharp enough to tear through sand paper. Yes, that's right, a cactus... and sand paper - so your playoff beard has nothing on these blades. We're absolutely positive your playoff beard is no match for our playoff razor. Shave with comfort instead of fighting with our competitions blades, we're simply the champions.

NETFLEX
Are you tired of your players firing blistering slap shots right through your nets old and aging twine? Are you tired of replacing all that twine after a puck drills its way through and starts ruining everything? Don't worry, NETFLEX has the perfect product for you! Our revolutionary net twine stretches and compresses like professional bungee cords, meaning the puck hits the twine and stops on a dime! Simply replace your nets twine with our NETFLEX product and you'll never have to worry about the super natural slap shots from your hockey players ever again. Buy now while stocks last!  

[Zabby 37]

G-Tech

 

G-Tech is the revolutionary FIFA goal-line technology brought to the game of hockey. Gone are the days of the brutal calls made by outdated technology, now for only $500 per rink the NHL can get calls right. Using an advanced system of cameras and tracking equipment in the nets and pucks this is a sure fire way to make sure the right call is made. The technology is 100% accurate and even comes with a training manual for the mouth breathers in Toronto who decided these calls before. Rumors are swirling of G-Tech releasing a new product called O-Tech, which is the same technology but for offsides making the bad call almost gone in the NHL.

 

Player Tracker

 

Player Tracker is a chip put into the skates of NHL players to measure such things as advanced stats, skating speed, acceleration, and work rate. This new technology is a great way for coaches to get data and know what players actually give them without falling victim to the “eye test”. With this technology, all game data is immediately updated throughout the game so coaches can use the data during intermissions to make adjustments to lines or ice time mid-game. This technology can give whatever smart coach that decides to use it a massive advantage in winning games and help them with winning a Stanley Cup!

 

HockeyFlix

 

HockeyFlix is the best way to watch NHL/AHL/VHL/VHLM hockey games. With HockeyFlix you can watch any previously streamed games or live games at any time for only $9.99 a month. The best part about watching live sports with HockeyFlix? There's no delay compared to cable. Unlike Gamecenter Live or r/Hockeystreams this is as live as cable and streams in full 4k and 1080p with no ads. HockeyFlix can also be used as a tool for coaches to watch previous games or for scouts to go back and watch every single shift of a player they might want to acquire with our "Player shift playlist”. This great feature allows you to search a players name and watch every single shift from every single game he's ever played.

[Beketov 8,639]

16 minutes ago, RyanZabby said:

G-Tech

 

G-Tech is the revolutionary FIFA goal-line technology brought to the game of hockey. Gone are the days of the brutal calls made by outdated technology, now for only $500 per rink the NHL can get calls right. Using an advanced system of cameras and tracking equipment in the nets and pucks this is a sure fire way to make sure the right call is made. The technology is 100% accurate and even comes with a training manual for the mouth breathers in Toronto who decided these calls before. Rumors are swirling of G-Tech releasing a new product called O-Tech, which is the same technology but for offsides making the bad call almost gone in the NHL.

Fun fact, G-Tech is a maker of high end hard drives and RAID’s. I have 3 of their drives plugged in right now.

 

Doesn’t make this less valid (plenty of words are used for multiple companies) just found it funny.

[Beketov 8,639]

JoltJuice

Gaterade feeling more like guppyade? Powerade just not offering enough power? You need a sports drink that actually fuels you enough to stay on the ice for those extra long shifts when the coach just wants to make you suffer. When you next get to take a break, reach for JoltJuice. Made by combining electrolytes, caffeine, and electricity JoltJuice will give you the amperage required to make the best plays when they count. Plus you'll feel like Thor every time you step onto the ice and who doesn't want to the the god of thunder? JoltJuice: put some jolt in your step.

 

DragonBlades

Wooden sticks shatter too easily when you take a mighty slapshot and carbon sticks just feel too flimsy in your hand. You should feel like a warrior when you step onto the ice and a warrior needs a proper weapon. Dragonblades provide the best of both worlds by fusing carbon fibre with real bone for the strength, durability, and power that all your shots require. If Dragonglass can kill the white walkers you better believe that Dragonblades can slay any goalie that stands before you. Guaranteed to outlast your playing career, if a Dragonblade breaks we'll replace it and christen the new blade with our own blood as a sacrifice to the hockey gods. Where else can you get a deal with the devil like that!

 

Chomper

Are pesky safety regulations getting in the way of you showing off your new grillz by hiding your teeth behind an ugly mouth guard? Rules aren't going anywhere so it's best you adapt. Chomper mouth guards guarantee to keep you looking as fly as possible while also keeping your precious choppers in tact. Want something clear to show off your pearly whites? We'll give you the clearest guard around. Want something dripping with blood to scare away opposing goons? We'll pump real goat's blood in there for you. Want to show off your love of sparkly unicorns? We don't have anything for you but we won't judge and will make a custom order. No design is too weird, no task too large. Every chopper guard is custom fit and made perfect for you. Just because you don't want to pay your dentist every 2 days, doesn't mean you can't look good doing it.

 

[Beketov 8,639]

17 hours ago, McWolf said:

True North Gear

Everyone knows hockey is Canada's game. It's a fact. So where do you go when you need to buy the bestest hockey gear in the universe? You go to True North Gear! We pride ourselves in the quality of the gear we sell you Canadian hockey players and fans. Real Canadian gear made for real Canadian players. Our gear is made from authentic Canadian material coming from the True North. As a matter of fact, True North Gear's factory is so far up north, it's actually on the other side of the globe! Being located in China allows us to have competitive prices with the other companies on the market. Visit our stores, located in every major cities of the True North strong and free!

 

Just as a note I will not be using this one as any part of a PT. The mountain design is legal to use but it is based off stock vectors (amalgamated together) so I wouldn't want to take credit for just adding text.

[BarzalGoat 728]

Yellow River Ale

Have you ever thought that your beer just didn't taste just quite right? Did you ever take that oh so anticipated first sip, and have a cool, crisp, refreshing taste of beer, that was just what you wanted? Have you ever wanted a beer that was actually in between those two, but for a more affordable price? Introducing: Yellow River Ale, the only beer on the market that prides itself by being named after its most well known by-product: a trip to the bathroom! Now, you might be asking yourself, do I really want to try this beer? Well the selling point, is that we'll put all of your favorite VHLM team logos on the side, that's right, just the Yukon Rush logo. Get your Yellow River Ale, the official beer of the Yukon Rush, today!

 

Just a Pick Me Up Over-The-Counter Get-Goer

At a certain point, every VHL career starts to drag a little bit, and that's ok! There's plenty of ways the league approves of players staying sharp, and not depreciating their TPE, but they sure aren't cheap! If you pay $10,000,000 on not losing TPE, how are you going to afford to drive around those hotties in a new Maseratti? The answer you've been searching for, is here! The Just a Pick Me Up Over-The-Counter Get-Goer is a totally not yet banned by the VHL substance which will make your skate quicker, jump higher, shoot stronger, and punch harder. That's not all, The Just a Pick Me Up Over-The-Counter Get-Goer is 100% performance enhancing, and a sure-fire way to get you top line minutes, while putting in just as much effort. The Just a Pick Me Up Over-The-Counter Get-Goer may or may not be steroids, and should be taken at a player's own risk.

 

Australian Snake Wranglers

The Australian Snake Wranglers are proud to be sponsors of the VHL this upcoming season, mates. The ASW are a group who pride themselves on keeping the best and finest people safe, and they do that by wrangling up those dirty snakes in Toronto the Wilderness, and safely bring them to retirement a safe place. Take for example the ever dangerous Tavares Black Mamba, with a bite that could give you the heebee geebees, and a wicked fast chomper, you better watch out for those buggers. Just when you think your safe, and your team will be able to compete for a Cup, your best player may betray the fans  fanbase is overrun by a snake Armageddon, and your team essentially has to start all over again. Had the snakes politely asked to be traded, by the Australian Snake Wranglers, perhaps your home wouldn't be in shambles, but they're dirty dirty creatures those snakes. 

[Beketov 8,639]

On 9/24/2018 at 12:25 PM, Quik said:

Over Armour

Tired of needing to wear long johns underneath your equipment? Having to wear hockey pants, socks and a sweaty, stinky jersey? Well, Over Armour might just be your solution! A one-piece coverall for the hockey player on the go, Over Armour provides a quick, zip-up suit that goes above your equipment. No longer do you need to put on socks, then pants, and then a jersey over everything. And say goodbye to those sticky long-johns! Now, you just put your equipment on your naked body, the way God intended, then zip up and head out onto the ice, quick and easy!

[Quik 4,113]

Ferda Apparel

When puck is life, and Saturdays are "Ferda Boys!", you need to display your mantra on your sleeve...literally! With Ferda Apparel, we supply the boys with the sauciest threads around town. Whether you're snipping ginos, dangling those filthy mitts, or just want to cover your lettuce, we've got the thing for you! Clap those bombs, go bar down, and get ready to celly like the beautician that you are! That rocket that dusted you after the game won't be able to resist getting all up in your penalty box when you've got your Ferda game going! Head to your nearest Pro Shop now, to get all the latest Ferda gear, before your coach decides to H-bomb your ass!

 

Spoiler

 

 

13 hours ago, BarzalGoat said:

Australian Snake Wranglers

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Edited September 26, 2018 by Quik

[Quik 4,113]

On 9/24/2018 at 4:10 PM, Tagger said:

Ubuyalot Games: Love hockey games for your favourite video game consoles but hate actually having to do something that requires any amount of skill or nuance to win? Then you're gonna love VHL '62, Ubuyalot Games latest installment in the VHL franchise! Want to pass the puck to your favourite VHL player? Pay $5 and we'll deliver that pass straight to him! Want to make sure your team wins that last regular season game to get into the playoffs? Send us $100 and you're well on your way to Continental Cup success! Want your created player to make the Hall of Fame but don't have the $10 000 required to buy your way in? Don't worry! You can purchase it in advance and we'll be sure to come round to your house to pick up the fee along with the 2500% interest add-on at a later date so you don't forget! Ubuyalot Games; It's In The Game (For an additional fee)!

 

 

Edited September 26, 2018 by Quik

[Spade18 1,302]

Tarentum Sports Bureau - One of the best things about junior hockey is that there is just so much of it.  Unfortunately, that's also a draw back.  Who could possibly watch enough games to know all the up and comers who will be impacting the VHL in years to come? Add your foreign prospects to the mix and there's enough hockey to go on 24/7.  That's where The Tarentum Sports Bureau steps in.  Our comprehensive team of scouts, local and over seas, follow the prospects you love so you have times for other things in your life.  Providing daily updates to draft rankings, video highlights and in depth reports on the next VHL star, The Tarentum Sports Bereau is you one stop for everything you need to know about junior hockey.

 

Stick Tap-E - Hockey is the ultimate team sport.  It's all about the crest on the front, not the name on the back.  One Team, One Goal.  But wouldn't it be nice to personalize yourself just a little? With Stick Tap-E you can now stand out from your teammates while still repping your team.  Stick Tap-E will revolutionize your tape game with its super strong, but easy tear,  new formula.  Stick Tap-E comes in a LARGE variety of custom colors, and can be personalized to match your favorite color schemes!  Bored of having solid color tape?  Stick Tap-E comes in patterns, stripes, designs and many more options! Personalize your tape with custom wording or own design. Leave your boring old tape in the trash and get wrapping with Stick Tap-E today!

 

The B.R. Hockey Association - It takes a village to raise a child, and it twice as much to raise a hockey player.  The BRHA is a nation wide hockey association focused on helping young players reach their full potential and one day grace the ice of the VHL.  BRHA has a network of rink deals, ex VHL player coaches, and sponsor families which help the young men and women enrolled in our program, travel the country, and learn this great game from the best to ever play it.  When your child is enrolled in the BRHA, they will be placed into a regional pool and assigned to a locally sponsored team.  Our teams travel across the nation thanks to many donations from some of our sponsored travel companies. Your children will play with, and learn from, the best of the best on their way to the bright lights of the VHL!

[Arthur 133]

 

FitKids is a hockey brand designed especially for kids. Was created as a broad sport wear company but in the recent years, they started to specialise in hockey gear and apparel. They are not doing only gloves and pads but also jersey and training equipment. They make the training gear in all colors to stimulate the kids. They are dedicated in helping kids all across the world to get into sport and hockey and are collaborating with multiple charities. If you want your kid to look good, have the best technology and be comfortable in his gear, FitKids is the way to go!

 

 

 

Iceblades is the most recent technology of skate ice you can find on the market. The blade are made with top of the world quality of steel and they are auto edging. There will be no more time lost to edge your skate and it is going to do it naturally. They are also easy to slip in and out the skates, while still being strong enough to not fall when you are on the ice. The company really have to heart to avoid seeing you look like a dear caught on ice during a game. However, remember that their flexibility allow you to play THAT prank on a teammate!

 

 

Chirp Energy Drink^TM is the best drink you can ever use during a hockey game. It is full of energy and the Tasteless Technology^TM allow you to chug it just as if it was water. Water will now be un-needed during games because Chirp Energy Drink^TM is just as hydrating, but with the power of the Battery Powder^TM we use in it. The Battery Powder^TM is one of our most well kept secret. Filling you with energy, you need nothing more in your day than one of our drink. Once you go with Chirp Energy Drink^TM you’ll never go back to plan, boring water!

[Devise 4,475]

Been some really excellent submissions in here honestly. Glad to see the community having fun with this. 

[Victor 10,526]

Mike

Former VHL luminary, Toronto, Riga, and Seattle GM Mike Szatkowski, one of the leading scorers of all time, presents a new brand of hockey gear – Mike. Not be confused with Badidas. If you're a budding young prospect with high hopes or a VHL veteran looking to find that extra bit of speed for your last year, why look past a brand working directly with one of the VHL greats? Mike: Just Do It.

 

The Best Brand of Hockey Things

Developed by a bot in Silicon Valley, The Best Brand of Hockey Things ™ is guaranteed to deliver the exact right amount of satisfaction for every individual player as calculated by a super computer, no more and no less. Every bit of TBBoHT branded items is specifically designed to be as distinctly average as possible, but also affordable and user-friendly. You won't be proud wearing items from this brand, but you will also find no reason to complain. And even if you complain, there won't be anyone to take your calls anyway.

 

Field Hockey

Ever wonder what it's like to play hockey with one of those weird sticks that they use in that weird type of hockey where they run around on grass instead of skating on ice? Well, wonder no more! Field Hockey is bringing field hockey sticks to the rink! When you make a solid connection and don't miss the puck entirely, experience a shot of unparalleled power to reverberate around the VHL. Get one of our sticks and you will be on the highlight reel every single game, provided the coach doesn't send you the doghouse for being a maverick. But don't worry, there's a fine line between insanity and genius – persecution is just the first step on the road to acceptance. Field Hockey – throw a curveball at ice hockey.

[Quik 4,113]

@Members

 

I meant to announce this last night, but this is the final 24 hours to submit brand ideas for TPE. If you haven’t yet, you have until Noon PST tomorrow to get these in. After that, the thread will be closed. 

 

 

[Exlaxchronicles 415]

                                Gonad Bond
Tired of sweaty jock itch or having to frequently urinate during a game? Now from the makers of Vagisil and Purina Cat Litter comes a product guaranteed to relieve you of these embarrassing situations.
 Gonad Bonds patented formula combines a cool soothing menthol blended with eucalyptus oil, mixed with an effective drying and clumping solution of activated charcoal and powdered clay for that cool drying effect. Feel confident in having no more swalls or wet urine smell during a game.
Gonad Bond offers a 100% effectiveness during all strenuous activity or your money back (minus shipping costs) 
Order now and you will also recieve a second order absolutely free! (plus shipping costs) So that's two for the price of one, so hurry while supplies last! Order Now!

                             Blew Blockers

A unique visor system developed for the military is now available exclusively for the professional sports player in mind.
These hockey visors come with their own anti-reflective technology which completely reduces stadium glare and offers total vision enhancement for the player, even in low light situations. 
This latest visor technology also offers the player a two way mirror like reflection, so when the opposing player is in front of you they see their own image and stadium glare which causes confusion and causes temporary blindness due to the visors reflection, offering the player wearing the visor a more level playing field.
The visors come shipped in either a half shield or full helmet visor, so please specify size type when ordering.

                                 Flex-It Seal

A revolutionary formula designed to protect anyone's hands against cuts, scrapes, bruises  or receiving repeated impacts against the knuckles of the hands.
Flex-It Seal adds a durable layer of protection to an individuals hands just by applying the two part solution and allowing our product to dry for a few minutes. Once set, the product forms a solid yet flexible compound which keeps hands dry and forms a durable barrier over the applied areas.
Our solution made up of a mixture of silicone and lava pummis from Mount Saint Helens guarrantees flexibility and excellent impact protection every time. Extremely beneficial to those involved in physical altercations.
Supplies are limited so order while they last!

 

 

 

                                 

[Bushito 1,945]

Satanic Goalie Equipment

Sell your soul to the devil and play with the best damn goalie equipment in the league. Spokesman and retired VHL goaltender, Satan helped develop some of this equipment and here is what he had to say. " Satanic pads has without a doubt the lightest wear on the market. I was always led to believe it was Bauer, but I was wrong. This is a pad that has really taken me for a 180. This company that I wondered how they were still in business cause they made one of the worst products on the market, is quickly becoming my favorite gear I’ve ever used".

 

GOAT Socks

Have you ever wanted to be the GOAT? Well, this is the closest you will ever come. Buy a pair of goat fur lines hockey socks for the most comfort you can ever have during a game. Jasper Canmore had this to say on the product. "You know a lot of the guys these days are going the cut resistant way for their socks which is fine and all but I'd rather be comfortable than safe, to be honest with you." If you value comfort over safety get to your nearest Dick's Sporting Goods and pick yourself up a pair.

 

Stopko Visor

Have you ever been so hung over, come game day that you wished you had a nice shiny reflective visor like the NFL players have? Well, now you can with the Norris Stopko approved reflective visor. Let's hear from our spokesperson Norris Stopko on the product. "Well, I can tell you this, when you are hung over the last thing you want to listen to is coach screaming at you. Now with this new visor, he can't even see my eyes. I can have in-game naps now and nobody is the wiser. This could be the best thing to happen to goaltending since the creation of the goalie mask. 

[hedgehog337 3,480]

Hatehog

 

Let's face it, the hockey game is not for pussies and there are lot of fights between players and goalies. But what if you don't fell like you're ready to fight? Are you afraid that fans will throw chairs and other stuff to your head just because you're not feeling ready to fight? Don't worry, here comes our revolutionary pills named Hatehog! Just one pill and suddenly you're feeling ready to tear the shit up. In fact, you will feel so powerful it would be the fans who are gonna run away from arena. After all, it would you that is gonna throw chairs and things into their faces and they could do nothing about it. And now move yall slow asses here and order this stuff as fast as you can!

 

 

Hedgetrate

 

This is for you, General Managers. Are you tired at work? Is your team having a shit luck lately? Or you just plain suck at deals and drafts since you're having no energy at all? Well, it's not a problem now since the new drink named Hedgtrate is gonna wake you up in 337 seconds! Just one cup of this revolutionary drink and suddenly you're feeling like the best VHL GM this league ever had. You will easily trade rape every GM left and right, like Mitch Higgins. You will be able to draft steals even at 76th pick, not even mentioning about a perfect drafting at earlier stages. I don't know about the luck though, but I'm sure being a God at trades, FA and drafts will bring a lot of championships to your team anyway.

 

 

Lottohog

 

Do you think I'm finished, dear General Managers? HELL NA. Are you feeling you're having a shit luck in draft lottery? Are you feeling like this thing is being rigged? I must inform you that your feelings are telling you a true story! It's all because all yall GM's still didn't realize our beloved commish Beketov wasn't rigging a lotto for Riga for nothing. We're presenting to you Lottohog - the revolutionary monetary system will end the unlucky draft lotto streak or your team! You pay as much lottohogs as possible - and suddenly you're feeling your team is getting all these first picks without any sweat. You will win a draft lotto even if the odds of winning it is lesser than 1%. You even will win it with your own pick when you're team wins the championship. You can even tell to Bek to give all first round picks to your team - lotthogs will make him do this in no time! So what you're waiting for? Order this awesome stuff in rigaarejustluckyoverachievers.org and see how your team becomes a powerhouse in draft lottos!

[JG10 28]

Drone

 

This is the GTA version of Bauer. It's called the drone cause Trevor Bauer cut his hand his hand on a drone before the ALCS game 3. Drone is the top hockey brand on the market. It is known around the hockey world as undoubtly the best brand of skates. We will focus on skates as our main marketing point because there is really no other brand that can compare with the drone when it comes to skates. Our high tech brand of skates will massively improve your skating ability and we have future top high speed skating prospect Gucci Garrop as an endorsement. 

 

I can only do one for now. I'll try to get another one done tmr but it's unlikely.

[Hybrid1486 577]

Boomerang, Australian for Blade

You know how the wusses over at the league office say that you can't have your blade curved too sharply? How they're worried about the pansies who cry over little rubber pucks hitting them at not even 175 kilometers an hour? The men at Boomerang know, and they're done with it. Boomerang specializes in stick blades that look like boomerangs, to make sure that your shot will go fast even if you're as weak as a cane toad! You might even lodge the puck down in some pansy defender's shin if you do it right! Crikey!

 

SkyNet Player Tracking

Hockey players today have so many stats on the score sheet to worry about that telling them what's going on in their body is just too much to pile on. That's why SkyNet came along and revolutionized the way trainers can track player's vitals. Heart rates, muscle mass, respiratory levels, you name it and SkyNet is on it. Thanks to a small nanochip that embeds itself in a player's digestive system when it's slipped into their drink, the player won't even know it's in there. Plus, SkyNet is rolling out player tracking data* for coaches to use in determining how well a player is positioning himself.

SkyNet: The Wave of The Future!

*This function cannot be turned off, but coaches are firmly instructed to not use the data for anything besides hockey. It's also 40% hack-proof, making it vaguely difficult for anybody to find out where the player is at any given moment.