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Claimed:Screaming Maniac Causing Disturbances In Davos


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Screaming Maniac Causing Disturbances In Davos



DAVOS - It's not every year that the VHL Continental Cup Finals come to your town, so for the residents of Davos, Switzerland, it's a big deal for the HC Davos Dynamo to be competing for the ever-coveted Continental Cup. Kind of a huge deal. However, for some, the experience is being ruined by an unknown person who has taken it upon themselves to run around the city screaming at the top of their lungs, often at rather inappropriate times. The only known identity of this strange fellow is simply "Maniac."


Sadly, at first the man became something of a hero after his antics may have led to a victory for the hometown Dynamo. Wearing an entirely purple suit that covered him from head to toe, he somehow gained entry to the hotel at which the Toronto Legion were staying (the game was at Toronto). Once doing this, he ran up and down the halls that the Legion's players were staying, blaring air horns and the occasional toot of a vuvuzela. While a good amount of the team was already awake and consuming ordinarily excessive amounts of Molson, Remy LeBeau was notably annoyed and could not focus on his Netflix marathon. The next day, Davos scored six goals against a notably distracted LeBeau en-route to a series-tying victory.




However, this is where the "Maniac" crossed the line from "heroic acts of fandom" to "deranged, psychopathic behavior." Following the series from Toronto to Davos, the lunatic began to run up and down the streets surrounding the Zurich Center bellowing out the loudest nonsense known to man. Whether it was Nickelback lyrics, the calls of endangered animals or reciting Jesse Ventura's many conspiracy theories, there was no shortage of disturbing, uncalled for antics occurring near the arena to dampen the mood of the event. 


"It's damned awful," said Reggie Dunlop, a winger for Toronto. "There's no time in the day where hearing some batshit insane dude yelling about Kameron Taylor being Jesus' gift to Earth is ok. I heard enough of that shit in Cologne, now I'm finally playing for the Continental Cup and this bullshit wants to keep following me? Terrible. TERRIBLE!"




Despite the fact that the Maniac's reign of bizarre terror has occurred entirely in public, the Davos Police Department has little to no leads on the identity of the culprit. Apparently it can be quite difficult to distinguish this when the guy is wearing some bizarre purple body suit, but it appears that the DPD can't be bothered to worry about the guy.


"You kidding me?" said the Juggernaut, who, no bullshit, is the Chief of Police in Davos. "I don't have time for this shit, I'm the Juggernaut, bitch! Gotta round me up these stray dogs to keep them from bitin' a bitch, yeah!"


Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, who specialize in secret voodoo magic. He enjoys playing with his canine friends, weeding out the dissenters and bringing egotistical twats down a peg or two.

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Is that first Gif the hunter from Jumanji? 


I have no idea, which saddens me because it looks like something so ridiculous that I must watch.

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Content: 3/3 - Well, whatever this guy was doing, it worked. After the success he had in the Finals, perhaps this guy will follow the team around for the whole season next year. 


Grammar: 2/2 - One!


shit, I'm = shit. I'm


Appearance: 1/1 - Very nice.


Overall: 6/6

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