"They Never Told Me These Things Don't Come With a Cup": Pepper Sues Over Armour After He is Hit in the Nuts During Practice

[Gustav 6,091]

HELSINKI--Though the Titans' Alexander Pepper was, prior to this year, easily considered the league's top goaltender (and my own 2nd-or-3rd-round choice in my fantasy draft, thanks @Sonnet), he's failed to live up to the hype so far--while in the top three in terms of goals against average, and also putting up a respectable 6 shutouts so far, Riga's Kallis Kriketers has done a fine job of playing spoiler, leading the league in both and also sitting at second in save percentage (behind Roger Sterling), proving invaluable to the first-place Reign. 

 

That hasn't stopped Pepper from being noticed lately, as a team practice this morning led to Pepper seeing two people who'd seen quite a bit of higher education--first a doctor, then a lawyer. 

 

During the team's three-on-three drills, Titans center Kronos Bailey fed a pass to defenseman Dan Montgomery a yard or two inside the blue line, who then proceeded to unload a one-timer right on net. Though Pepper made what looked to be a routine save, going down to his knees and bringing his arms in to control the rebound and absorb the puck, it turned out that he'd "absorbed the puck" in more ways than one--and the other way was certainly not what he intended. Turns out he'd taken a hard slapshot to the groin, and he wasn't wearing a cup. 

 

Pepper managed to walk it off (well, certainly not immediately, think more like 15 minutes later), but a press release later that day from Finnish law firm Hämäläinen ja Nieminen revealed that Pepper had decided to take legal action, and that he had an incredibly stupid, but potentially arguable, case.

 

Last week, Pepper had made the switch from conventional goalie equipment to Over Armour, a new and controversial line of athletic wear that makes dressing for sports such as hockey, football, lacrosse, and all that is heavily equipment-oriented quite a bit easier--rather than put every single pad on individually, Over Armour gives an athlete a full uniform in one garment--pads and all, serving as a full-body suit and destroying the dressing rituals of some of the league's more unusual and superstitious players. But apparently, a cup is not included. 

 

"Yeah, I thought I could just get naked and throw the entire thing on," Pepper said. "I was surprised by how comfortable it was, but that's probably because there was no sort of jockstrap anywhere. They never told me these things don't come with a cup." 

 

While many other players who use Over Armour uniforms, notably Aran Thranduil, contend that they do, in fact, include a cup, Pepper is insistent that his did not, either because there was some sort of slip-up at the factory or because, well, you're probably not that bright if you don't notice the lack of an agonizing feeling of "when can I take this thing off, please God" as soon as you put it on. It's entirely possible that Pepper just lost it, but what reason he'd have for that is likely a story of its own.

 

Executives from Over Armour could not be reached for further comment.

[Gustav 6,091]

Claiming for this season's brand-centered point task (+2 uncapped from what I understand).

[Beaviss 4,949]

These titles always throw me off.

[Gustav 6,091]

Just now, Beaviss said:

These titles always throw me off.

I try.

[bluesfan55 103]

Can we get an F for this man’s nutsack?

[hedgehog337 3,480]

15 hours ago, GustavMattias said:

Claiming for this season's brand-centered point task (+2 uncapped from what I understand).

 

wait what? Is there something I forgot?

[Gustav 6,091]

1 hour ago, hedgehog337 said:

 

wait what? Is there something I forgot?

Basically at any one point this season if you do a point task centered on a brand there's also a 2-TPE bonus on top of the 6 you'd otherwise get. Sonnet told me about it and Beaviss approved my update so they can probably explain a good deal better than I can.