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Bunclewirth Tries to Write Paper; Fan 590 Instead


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Davos Dynamo faceoff phenom and harlot extraordinaire Naomi Young has been doing okay on the ice this season.  But we're not here to talk about her specifically, we just wanted an excuse to post this picture of her.




Rather, this article is about her agent, Jardy Bunclewirth.  When not being a terrible agent and VHL Commissioner, Bunclewirth sometimes tries and sometimes cheats to earn a chemical engineering degree from the University of Saskatchewan.  In his second to last year in what he turned into a Van Wilder length program, he is now responsible to write a ~10 page paper on land reclamation of the oil sands.  10 pages really isn't that much, except for the fact that this is the first real paper he's had to write in five years, and the subject is too broad for him to focus and bare down and hammer that shit out.  As a result, he has written as much in this article in the last three minutes as he has on his paper in the last two days.  So that's embarrassing.


Hopefully this point task gives him the inspiration to rock that shit,

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That was actually a rather helpful hint, as that is essentially what I ended up doing.  I just found three things I kinda wanted to talk about and rambled about them for about a page each (The actual guideline said no more than 10 pages, and that's 12pt doubled spaced, and includes Abstract and References).


I literally stayed up all night finishing it.  I stole a Vyvance from my brother.  I couldn't tell if it helped me focus or not, but last time I did that I couldn't sleep, and I figured insomnia might be helpful. So I also drank a Redbull.  And a beer. Because obviously.


I've been at this fucking computer so long I think my right wrist started getting carpal tunnely.  So I made a make-shift brace out of hockey tape.  This conveniently discouraged masturbation; one less distraction!


The class is in an hour and fifteen, so my schedule is now to shave my beard, wash my face or shower or something, and maybe have a Cheerio.

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