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Claimed:Animal Sacrifices Occurring in Titans Locker Room!


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The Helsinki Titans locker room is quite the peculiar place. Ran by their general manager Vince Wong, the Titans currently reside in last place within the entire league, managing to garner only two wins thus far. However, upon a successful VHL draft last season, a recent influx of young, and active members were brought into the fold. Moreover, through several trades, new faces were welcomed with open arms by the current team, and management. Consequently, the Titans locker room has become slightly more active, but at what cost precisely?


It has become a recent trend for all players on the Titans, to offer a sacrifice to the VHL God’s, in the hopes of a miraculous victory. Though their prayers, and offerings have only been answered twice, the team seems committed, and persistent, on sustaining the pre-game ritual. The animals most commonly used as the sacrifice, are birds, sheep, and giraffes. However, the Helsinki Police Department (HPD), has discovered these rituals, and subsequently informed Titans ownership that the city simply cannot afford any more animals slaughtered, considering the Titans lack the capability to win a respectable amount of games.  When asked for a statement from Titans management, Vince Wong responded, by asserting:


‘’I don’t see the significant issue with animal sacrifices. These animals should feel proud, and honored to be sacrificed for such a noble cause. Furthermore, if the VHL God’s answer our pleas positively, their purpose on this planet will be fulfilled, which is to serve humankind. In this particular scenario, serving the interests of the Helsinki Titans franchise is surely a worthy cause worth being sacrificed for.’’



A leaked photo of two Titans players sacrificing some hens!


Though Wong remains adamant in defending his players, other VHL general manager are not taking too much of a liking to this practice. As news of this ritual spread to all franchises in the league, Calgary Wrangler general manager Jason Glasser, publicly affirmed his discontent with the forenamed sacrifices, by stating:


"If the Titans feel as though they need to sacrifice animals for the sake of a little hockey success, then that's on them. I don't condone the practice, nor as an opposing general manager would I ever do such a thing or allow it to happen within my franchise. Life, even that of animals, simply trumps the result of a game. Need I remind the Titans that they're being paid, quite well in fact, to do something many of us do for free as a means of recreation. If that's not enough for them, and they feel the need to call upon some sort of ritual, then I truly pity them."


It remains to be seen if the VHL commissioners will take action, and discipline the Titans upon this odd news becoming viral. Nonetheless, the sacrifices have not worked, and with the talent currently placed on the ice, not even the VHL God’s can salvage the Titans’ season.

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Guest Svoboda_3

Content: 3/3

487 words. Pedro Cerrano like here. An odd, but unique type of Media Spot. There's certainly nothing wrong with a little creativity.

Grammar: 2/2

Just minor stuff.


general manager = General Manager (capitalizing positions of power) (x2)

young, and = young and

Titans, to = Titans to

God's = Gods (x2)

other VHL general manager = other VHL General Managers

commissioners = Commissioners

Appearance: 1/1

Somewhat odd that you had half in color. No deduction, but it was off guess.

Overall: 6/6

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