A Seattle Bears Thanksgiving Poem

[DoktorFunk 810]

 

A Seattle Bears Thanksgiving Poem

 

By Scott Greene

 

 

At the end of November, somewhere in Seattle

 

The Bear house was full of nothing but rabble!

 

The players were drunken, lively, and happy.

 

There was much to eat and the weather was crappy.

 

All was quite well, I really must say

 

Until one of the Bears decided to play

 

A prank on his teammates, and one that's quite cruel;

 

He decided to dip his nuts in their gruel!

 

He sneaked in the kitchen to complete his dark deed

 

While the rest of the Bears were enjoying their mead.

 

He unzipped his pants and brought them down to his ankle

 

And said to himself "Surely this prank'll

 

Make the boys laugh, loud, long and hearty!"

 

He did what he wanted and returned to the party.

 

The gruel was then served by little Bear Berocka

 

and what they did taste was to them quite the shocka!

 

"It's saltier than normal," quipped goalie Rayz Funk.

 

"I agree," said Scott Greene, while chewing a chunk

 

of soft oats, sugar and taste he can't place.

 

"Whatever it is. it hits you right in the face,"

 

Hulk Hogan said, while concealing a smile.

 

He'd been the one who, indeed, all the while

 

Had been enjoying his prank at Seattle's expense.

 

"I really can't place it," he falsely laments.

 

But what happened next, was really a scare!

 

Zoiderberg took a bite and pulled out a hair!

 

It was long, blond and buff, just like someone we know,

 

But the rest of the Bears were shocked, even Low!

 

"Who would put such a thing in our porridge like that,"

 

Asked YVONNE with a slight French-Canadian twang.

 

"I'm made quite ill, and almost just spat,

 

I've never seen such a terrible thang."

 

The rhyme scheme just changed, but please don't be frightened.

 

It's just that I'm running out of ideas.

 

Soon, the Bears would be enlightened

 

As to who had ruined their wonderful meals.

 

Hulk Hogan was laughing, long, loud an hearty!

 

What a shame he isn't more of a smarty,

 

For the secret he might have been able to hide

 

If he had kept his laughter deep down inside!

 

"Hogan, you asshole!" the Bears yelled while pointing their fingers!

 

"You've ruined our porridge totally, even Twingers!"

 

"It wasn't me, brothers," said Hogan while smiling.

 

Just one look and the Bears knew he was lying.

 

The got up from the table and surrounded their friend.

 

"We have to make sure you don't do this again."

 

They picked up Hulk Hogan and took him outside.

 

"Where are we going?" he asked. "Just for quick ride!"

 

They threw him in the back of the Bears travel bus

 

Then threw it in gear; the engine caused quite a fuss

 

And sputtered to life as they tore down the road

 

and soon this story will be completely told.

 

They drove to the country and into a forest

 

Not a person around, not even a florist.

 

They layed Hogan down on the leaves on the ground;

 

They tied both his legs and his hands were then bound.

 

They each took their turns dipping their nuts in ink

 

And put them right on to what Hogan uses to think.

 

Yes, they dropped balls onto Hogan's thick head

 

But it's better than if he had ended up dead.

 

The moral of the story is really quite clear

 

and something you need not look too hard for, I fear.

 

Remember to never teabag the gruel

 

of a group of Bears, or you'll look quite the fool.

 

 

580 Words

 

Edited December 2, 2019 by DoktorFunk

[Cxsquared 455]

[Gustav 6,081]

My god.

 

I...what.

 

I love this and hate this at the same time.

[Beaviss 4,949]

Im happy this came out instead of part 2

 

[Gustav 6,081]

Just now, Beaviss said:

Im happy this came out instead of part 2

 

Don't speak too soon...

[Beaviss 4,949]

Just now, GustavMattias said:

Don't speak too soon...