Chad Magnum - Scouting Report

[Corco 1,124]

Chad Magnum

Center

6' / 195lbs.

Just an overall beautiful man

 

Strengths

1. Literal Strength - Magnum is arguably one of the strongest players currently in the VHLM; the only players with a higher strength attribute than Magnum are: Shawn Glade Jr. (OTT), Danny DeYeeto (SSK), David O'Quinn (SSK), Erik Summers (MEX), Jaxon Walker (MEX), Oskar Lagesson (MEX), and Kevin Reegsman (MIS). Magnum spends a minimum of 20 hours in the gym daily though, so don't expect those six aforementioned VHLMers to stay ahead of him for long. 

 

2. Scoring - Don't let his statline of 35GP 2G 2A 4P 0.11PPG fool you, Chad Magnum is a scoring machine (on and off the rink ;)).  Sure, on the surface the scoring numbers don't look good, but that's not the whole story. See, Chad Magnum will only shoot the puck when he knows that it will go in, hence his eye-popping, astounding, and amazing 20% shooting percentage. Expect Magnum to routinely pot 200 goals a season in the VHL.

 

3. Leadership - If you want an alpha-male leader on your team, look no further; Chad Magnum is your guy. Despite having only a 40 rating in the official VHL leadership statistic, Magnum oozes charisma. I mean just look at him; strong, chiseled jawline, buff physique, and huge but not problematic groin. You cannot look at him and tell me that he won't be the greatest VHL player in history.

 

 

Weaknesses

1. Discipline - Never one to back down from a challenge to his status as the VHL's alpha male, Magnum will almost certainly take a penalty or get into it with an opposing player for the most trivial of reasons. For example, Magnum took a slashing penalty against Saskatoon's Danny DeYeeto for DeYeeto simply telling Magnum that he thought Fight Club wasn't worthy of it's 8.8/10 rating on IMDB. Magnum will need to develop thicker skin in the future if he wants to stay out of the box (he won't though).

 

2. Puck Skills - Having never even put on ice skates before signing a contract with the Mexico City Kings earlier in the season, scouts would say that Magnum is doing pretty well for himself so far, all things considered. That being said, Chad possesses little to no puck skill whatsoever; passing, puck handling, you name it, he sucks butt at it.

 

3. Hoes - Chad simply cannot help himself when it comes to the hoes. He can't resist; if he even glances at a hoe at any time, the hormones start ragin' and the moves start a makin'. If he isn't careful, hoes could derail Magnum's near-impeccable HoF career path. Hopefully his obsession with gardening equipment goes away by the time Magnum reaches the VHL.