Former Halifax GM Caught on Tape: Circus Monkey Executed in Occult Attempt to Block a Garcia All-Star Threepeat

[Gustav 6,097]

SATURDAY--when it became clear that Jerry Garcia would not be voted into this season's all-star game, surprise was felt by many around the league.

 

"I thought he'd get in for sure," said Apollo Hackett (@Renomitsu) when asked about the matter in a press conference yesterday. "Sure, his numbers dropped a bit, but it's still very hard to find anyone better than Jerry when it comes to overall defensive numbers. We're talking about someone who broke 130 blocked shots this season on a team with an absolutely packed blueline. That's very hard to do and I think he deserves far more credit than he's getting. This league cares too much about offense, really--nobody cares if you can do what a defender is supposed to do if you're already putting up 60 points."

 

Though Hackett and others agree that anti-defensive, pro-points bias kept Garcia out for the first time since his rookie season, that didn't stop more overt attempts on vote laundering from being made, from simple corrupt team-based ballot stuffing to the downright ridiculous.

 

Among the latter is a video obtained by TMZ (who else?) which shows former Halifax GM Anthony Rogers (@McWolf) performing what appears to be a Satanic ritual in an attempt to invoke otherworldly forces to skew the votes. Beginning the video with a "Wazzup YouTube bitches," Rogers proceeds to burn incense and chant until just over seven minutes into the video, when a monkey wearing a circus costume is brought into the frame, beheaded, and subsequently burned, with some additional chanting and gyrations on Rogers' part. Throughout the duration of the video, a banner can be seen in the background, bearing the inscription "SATAN SAYS NO TO JERRY: DAMN HIS VOTERS," and the Grateful Dead's "Fire on the Mountain" can be heard playing faintly off-camera. 

 

While highly unclear whether Rogers' actions contributed in any way to Garcia's snub, the result was what he desired. When contacted, current Halifax players and management neither confirmed nor denied any involvement.

[Cxsquared 455]

FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY

[Renomitsu 930]

Can't believe this Satanic ritual blocked out my boy Garcia

 

Clearly an abuse of VHLM GM powers, where's the VHLPA when you need them to shut down league cults?

[Doomsday 4,034]

This is the type of stuff I'd write in my heyday, great stuff!