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My Mental Struggle (Trigger Warning)


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Hey guys Alex here I have never really used my first name (aside from my first player) and the reason was I was trying to keep all of you at arms length. not because I don't like you or the VHL its because it would be easier if I ever didn't come back. I understand its pride month and the BLM movement is happening and even though I am a Christian I want to say I stand with you both. your struggle is real and I feel we will see an end to it in our lifetimes. 

now I want to be open because we have lost members of this great community and they wont come back. I was almost one of them. I suffer from depression and frankly there are days that are better then others. the one constant for the last six years has been the Victory Hockey League. I want you all to know you guys have saved my life a few times just from saying hello. there is a lot of hate going on and a lot of struggle. mines with myself and my head. I've tried to kill myself before but Kendrick and Beketov kept me focused on Cologne and Glass. I left for an extended period before Frence and frankly I missed this place every day. 

I owe a few people an apology first. @Proto you brought me in as AGM and I love you for that. the choice was amazing and its MY FAULT it didn't work out. you where the most amazing GM ive ever worked under. you helped me learn so much in such a short time. I enjoyed talking to you greatly. 

next is @Beaviss thank you for the opportunity you gave. im sorry I couldn't do it better.

 

i put to much on my plate thinking I could handle it when I couldn't. I 

 

lastly I'm sorry to all of you. I know I'm not the easiest person to be around or play with. however I also want to say thank you. we get a bad wrap here but I have been welcomed back with open arms more times then I deserve. I want to let you all know how much I appreciate you all. even the ones I don't talk to, everyone keeps the doors open. i cant promise ill be super talkative, or always one hundred percent active. I can't even promise I wont leave again. I love you all. if anyone ever needs to talk...reach out. 

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Dude, I've never talked to you, but please don't take youre life. please. life might not always go your way, but people care. the community has already lost two people recently, which im sure you know, and I don't know how much more this could take. mighta misread, but please.

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3 minutes ago, Beketov said:

Good to see you back, you had me worried there bud.

that was never the plan I appologize for putting you and the VHL through that

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7 minutes ago, GrittyIsKing09 said:

Dude, I've never talked to you, but please don't take youre life. please. life might not always go your way, but people care. the community has already lost two people recently, which im sure you know, and I don't know how much more this could take. mighta misread, but please.

i thought about it.

im in a good place now. I made mistakes that lead to that. Im more aware of how much and what I can handle 

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11 minutes ago, Kachur said:

i thought about it.

im in a good place now. I made mistakes that lead to that. Im more aware of how much and what I can handle 

Good, bro.

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