Tanky's Prospect Scouting Report

[Hogan 1,423]

The Israelian force Tanky is coming off his very first season in Saskatoon. What did he do? Only broke a few records. He was an absolute beast racking up 377 hits, 271 PIM (only 9ths worst in the entire league) and a whopping -56 +/-. 

 

Tanky's career started as ones normally would, he declared himself for the VHLM draft and was chosen 36th overall by the Saskatoon Wild. A semi-promising team with a handful of good young prospects. During his opening season Tanky was announced as an alternate, behind captain Braxton Hunter and first-in-line Griff Mackenzie. Tanky came into the league wanting to do only one thing. Avenge his hero. Many have said that Seattle Bear legend Hulk Hogan was deserving of HOF, to no avail. So now the reign of Tanky will destroy this league until Hogan's eventual HOF induction is announced (Which will happen I'm just now sure when). The best way to avenge somebody is to decimate anyone who doesn't believe in him. Every single one of Tanky's 377 hits were all for Hogan. Every single person hit by Tanky this season was a Hogan doubter, and they got what was coming to them. The 271 PIM just came as a part of the massive hits Tanky was laying out every single night. During the entire season he only put up 2 fights, was it because hes scared? Was he not willing to drop the gloves? NO. Everybody else was. The entire vhlm is full of "a bunch of losers who cry when the deodorant is running low and the edges of the container scratch them" in Tankys words.The league cannot handle this man. Nobody can. 

 

On the other hand he had 2 assists and 0 goals. Not very good, but not terrible. That's still more points than 311 other players (most of whom didn't play more than 50 minutes). Tanky's offense is almost certainly going to improve in the upcoming seasons, and if it doesn't who cares, it will get him more hits. A spark in Tanky's offensive game could make him one of the greatest players the VHL has every seen. The season continued on as normal for Saskatoon, with them barely missing a playoff spot, ending the year. Tanky is set to return for S77, promising big things, even more hits, fights and less of those pesky PIM. 

 

Only time will tell what's next for Tanky, but if it's what he promises the entire VHL world should be on their tippy toes. He's coming. Tick tock

 

Tanky hittin some bitch ^

Edited March 17, 2021 by TXC

[Ledge 1,131]

 

STANDING

 

OVATION

 

YOU FUCKING LEGEND

 

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time

Edited March 17, 2021 by Ledge_and_Dairy