Move Out Of The Way, There's A New Sheriff In Town

[DontCallMeCarson 59]

That's right Buckos, you can't get rid of me yet. Mr. DontCallMeCarson is here to become the new Commish of the league and even though I completely have no idea what the league does and the background stuff that happens, I promise I am going to do a good job (yeah right). So, you're probably thinking, "Well Carson, what exactly would you do?" Well, okay. If you wanna know so bad, then I suppose I will go ahead and let you know. I'll let you in on a little secret. This entire league is RIGGED. It's all scripted. The winner is already pre-determined. Don't let these corporate guys tell you otherwise, okay? Just listen to me. Your guy. Your pal. Carson. I am the real Commish that cares for the people, just remember that. So from now on, the VHL will only compromise of coin-flips to determine a winner of a game. That way there is no possible way to rig the games whatsoever. You don't even have to play if you don't want to! Both team captains will watch the coin flip and call it. Winner wins the game. Simple. Finally we'll have some parity in this stupid league.

 

Alright, this is a good start. But there's still a lot more that Carson needs to do before I am impeached from my position. They're knocking on my door, breathing down my neck. I had to storm the office to even get in here. Alright, I probably shouldn't have said that. I'm probably going to be in jail after this article comes out by the VHL Gods, but regardless I am only trying to restore the peace that has been stolen from the citizens of this forum. I am almost like a religious individual. Maybe there should be a book written after me..

 

Alright, I am already getting off track. The San Diego Marlins are officially going to sign all new members of the league effective immediately. There is no more campaigning or recruitment. All members are to sign to the Marlins regardless if they want to or not. Remember that there is no free will in life, your life is already depicted and controlled without you knowing it. We're just giving you a nudge in the right direction now, that is all! Also, let's throw some Indiana Teams in the mix. Why is there never Indiana representation in these places? My goodness, it's like we're ignored. Are yall Stateist? Whatever you say, but I am taking the top TPE player in every position and putting them on these Indiana Teams. Cap Space? Oh, that doesn't exist for this team. It's a new agreement that the league agreed to with our expansion. What? That doesn't make sense? Well, you're just some bum on the street watching Hockey. I'm a corporate executive now making billions of dollars. So don't worry about it! Ah, shit. They're breaking down the door. Well, guess that was my Commish for the day. I barely got anything done!

 

I'll be writing from Jail!

 

Carson