The Adventure to Czechia and back: Ben Icio's World Championship experience

[Mutti 192]

Hello, my dearest, most amazing readers!

 

After a very long pause, longer than Maple Leafs’ cup draught, I finally got to write down my report of World Hockey Championship that took place in the glorious, beer-fuelled and sarcastic Czech Republic. Some of you already got it, but the rest of you will understand why the report took so long to write as you continue reading.

So, Ben, what the hecky-Becky happened?

 

I went to the World Championship with the rough idea that there will be a lot of drinking. Especially if you consider that I had Ondrej Vencko as a companion with me. This idea was dialled up to Buzz Lightyear’s INFINITY AND BEYOND once we landed at Prague airport. Not even a few minutes, I saw a first beer advertisement. And then, it was just mere seconds before Ondrej disappeared, only to summon himself back next to me with two beers in his hands.

 

So, after cheering the Czech “Na zdraví”, which ironically literally means “To your health”, the Czech hockey experience began.

We got to the centre of Prague where all the tourists go, with an idea of sightseeing around the historical Old Town, only to be ripped off BIG time and not even noticing it. Hence why, I guess, Ondrej said: “Screw that man. Let’s go to the arena.”

Needless to say, Ondrej was a few beers in front of me. It was rather challenging to keep up, even with the beer being extraordinarily delicious.

 

After arriving to the arena, I was mesmerised how huge the crowd was. I was notified beforehand that Czechs take hockey very seriously, even though they are such a small country. The passion was surrounding us like oxygen, it felt so natural that even though I was a foreigner, it made me a passionate fan of Czech hockey.

 

We got inside and yeah, you guessed it. We immediately got another round of beers. At that moment I realised that I have a bladder and it was getting dangerously full. And after Ondrej warning me that “Once you go pee for the first time, you then run to the bathroom all the time”, I realised that the World Championship abbreviation “WC” will be much more suitable for my experience.

 

Nevertheless, I was determined to watch hockey. And, being there with Ondrej, we went to all the games of the Czech National Hockey team. Here are the highlights:

 

GAME 1: CZECHIA - FINLAND

To quote the legendary drunken goalie himself:
“Kurva to byly nervy!”
.. Which translates to “Fuck, that was intense!” And I gotta agree. Final score? 1:0 for Czechia in shootout.

 

GAME 2: CZECHIA - NORWAY

This one was even more intense, with Norway having a lead, even. But the Czechs bounced back. I mean.. No offense, but losing at home tournament to Norway? Norway that was going to happen..(I am so sorry.)

.. Now that I think about it, Czechs better protect their churches.

Nevertheless, 6:3 for Czechia.

 

GAME 3: CZECHIA - SWITZERLAND

Well, first lost to the home team. I think they played solid- Ondrej screamed his lungs out so much he couldn’t stop coughing. It only stopped once he had a shot of Jäger outside.

2:1 in shootout for Switzerland.

 

GAME 4: CZECHIA - DENMARK

Same as the Norway game. There was absolutely NoDenmarkway that Czechs were going to lose this game. But surprisingly, they didn’t. Utter domination. 7:4 for Czechia.

 

GAME 5: CZECHIA – AUSTRIA

.. Do I need to say anything at all? PETR MRAZEK GOT A SHUTOUT!
Austria is probably looking for another failed painter to take their revenge on Czechs.

Czechs dominated Austria 4:0.

 

GAME 6: CZECHIA – GREAT BRITAIN

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA, British still trying to play hockey? Okay then.

To be fair, they scored a goal, so I’ll give them that. But still, Czechia won. 4:1.

 

GAME 7: CZECHIA – CANADA

Okay, hear me out. I, as probably everybody else, thought that Canada will just dominate the tournament as usual. But it wasn’t really the case here. It was a tense game, especially the ending with Czech goalie pulled. And it paid off!

.. Untill a bad pass happened and Czechs lost in the overtime.

Ondrej reacted by screaming his lungs out. Again. This time, he threw up right on the back of a Canadian fan. To cheer him up, he offered him a Czech jersey for his Canadian that was destroyed, adding that “at least he now has something valueable”. What a legend.

Czechia lost 3:4 in the overtime.

 

Now those were all group games. The real shit hit the fan with the play-offs!

 

Quarterfinals: CZECHIA – USA

What in the hell was that? Another shutout? Another 1:0 game? This Czech team is going places for sure.
Also, bonus points for almost choking one of them Tkachuk brothers.

Czechs flawlessly advance to the semis. 1:0 victory, DostWall in the net becoming a thing.

 

Semifinals: CZECHIA – SWEDEN

Okay, the thing I said about the Denmark game? The ‘utter domination’ thing?
Yeah, scratch that, THIS was utter domination. O2 arena is on a brink of collapse from all the fans cheering, Ondrej has lost his voice from screaming and is now crying of happiness. He’s also drunk again and tried to climb the glass to get on the rink. Mrazek hit him with a stick, which must have been the single happiest thing that has ever happened to him. After that, he got blackout drunk.

The Swedes? Good luck with fighting for bronze.

Czechs DOMINATE Sweden 7:3.

 

And then it came. The finals. After all these years, 14 to be exact, the Czech Hockey team could hoist the World Cup again! There was only one final foe in their way:

Switzerland.

 

The game itself turned out to be tenser than your average glam metal singer’s trousers. However, in the third period, it happened.

 

The arena almost collapsed, everyone screamed their lungs out, Czechs bursted the tears of happiness and excitement and the hearts of Swiss fans and players alike sank into the icy fondue the rink had just become: Czech served a fresh Pasta.

 

The moment Pastrnak scored, Ondrej nearly jumped through the roof. He was out of his mind, he went crazy. And everybody else in there went insane as well. It was beautiful. The strength, the force, the power of the moment. Everything was going so well and it finally clicked. The whole nation of this little republic must have been on their feet. And now I know that it was. Just look up the reaction of the fans watching outside. The crowd just becomes liquid, if it makes sense.

 

And the empty netter afterwards? Sealer. The dream became reality.

Czech Republic won the gold medal with a stunning 2:0 victory.

 

Needless to say, Ondrej disappeared and I haven’t heard from him since the second goal. I did, however, read an article about a certain loose drunk drinking all the Czech hockey team’s beer that was saved for drinking from the cup. Well, make of that what you want. I can surely say that Ondrej is in Europe, drunk as usual, feeling euphoria from his home country winning the cup and will probably mock Swedes once he gets back to Vasteras.

 

So please, Iron Eagles, don’t fire him. He will show up. And he will play. The insults towards Sweden National Hockey team are a part of Czech personality, please don’t take it personal. He loves Sweden. Really.

 

Anyway, now I gotta get to rehab. Since my visit of the Czech Republic, I cannot stand a second of my life without a beer in my hand.

Sincerely,

Ben Icio del Torro

 

1273 words capped for week ending 06/16/2024

[LucyXpher 1,433]

I’ve missed these articles so much!  Congrats on Czechia winning Gold!  Hope Ben recovers well and can get back on the straight and narrow.  Ondrej, well, I’m not worried— I feel like this is pretty typical for him . 
 

Seriously, great stuff!!

[Mutti 192]

13 hours ago, LucyXpher said:

I’ve missed these articles so much!  Congrats on Czechia winning Gold!  Hope Ben recovers well and can get back on the straight and narrow.  Ondrej, well, I’m not worried— I feel like this is pretty typical for him . 
 

Seriously, great stuff!!

Aww, thank you! I missed writing those, tbh!

Glad to be back!

 

Ben is ready to go! What about writing sth, like you suggested?