woog 61 Posted June 17 Share Posted June 17 "Coach? You asked to see me?" "Yeah, Keita. Sit down." "I scored a good goal today. Not enough to make Helsinki to sinky, but good goal." "Yeah, about that. See, Keita, you know we traded away some of our best players after winning the championship." "Yes coach. My agent, he now very happy with minutes. I got Frenchy's Shawarma restaurant sponsorship deal. Now we have four dollar desert shawarma all over DC!" "I think my dog got indigestion from one of those." "Me too. Somehow they think desert means add spice. I do not understand. Mali food more plain." "Anyway. Keita, do you know why you weren't traded along with our other players?" "Roster spot?" "Yes. We kept you because we want to suck the suck fantastic this season." "If you want suck, Keita can suck for you, coach!" "I know you're a loyal soldier out there, Keita. I need you to be a perfect tank commander." "I have never commanded tanks. I was too young for Malian military. Even if I am a short king, and short kings are good for tanks, Mali has not enough tanks for me to be tank rider." "Tank commander has a different meaning in hockey, Keita." "Oh! Language lesson!" "When a team is losing on purpose in order to get a better draft pick, that's tanking. A player who gets lots of minutes when the team is losing in a season like that is called a tank commander." "Oh! I am already number 7 in this league in hits. I will hit better with a tank. I will happily command your tank, coach." "This isn't like some sponsor handing out a free cheap car, Keita. The tank is metaphorical." "I can accept cheap tank. I can command even with an old Russian surplus tank." "Can you command without an actual tank?" "I can try, coach. I will picture the metal around me when I hit people. I can do violence." "Violence is fine, Keita. Just try not to score until the other team scores twice, ok?" "Yes coach. My tank will go boump-boump-boump-boump nice and slow and violent after enemy goal." "Thanks, Keita. I knew we could count on you." mattyIceman, ace_five_, VattghernCZ and 2 others 5 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/149065-the-tank-memo/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattyIceman 1,229 Posted June 18 Share Posted June 18 Fun read! woog 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/149065-the-tank-memo/#findComment-1029906 Share on other sites More sharing options...
VattghernCZ 1,049 Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 This is brilliant mattyIceman 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/149065-the-tank-memo/#findComment-1030201 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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