Claimed:Toronto Legion Draft Recap [Final: 6/6]

[Jala 922]

S41 VHL Entry Draft - Toronto Legion

 

The entry draft has come and gone and the Legion made out very well with their five picks. The Legion addressed their need for a goaltender by bringing in stud prospect Fedir Okranitz and added to their offensive depth with Raphael Pettyfer and Dirk Firkley. They added a veteran presence and back-up goalie in David Blind and even drafted a retired player. It was an eventful draft to say the least and with the dust cleared it's time to go into a deeper analysis over why Toronto chose the players they did.

 

 

Fedir Okranitz - G - 148 TPE

Drafted: Round 1, 5th Overall

After being drafted in the third round by Yukon in the S40 VHLM Dispersal, Okranitz became the biggest steal of the draft as he turned on the afterburners on his training regiment. Currently sitting at 148 training hours, he has proven he has the drive and ability to maintain a solid weekly input of training. He played 69 games for the Rush last season and will see as many if not the full 72 in S41. His stats are misleading as he played for the defensively weak Rush who added a large part of their roster through the season, but look for him to improve greatly and put up some league leading numbers in S41. If he maintains his dedication to improvement he will become a solid netminder in the VHL and the backbone of the Legion in the goaltender department.

 

Dirk Firkley - RW - 120 TPE

Drafted: Round 1, 10th Overall

Finley joined the Ottawa Lynx partway through S40 and put up 49 points in 59 games. After a taste of VHLM action he will join the Rush as they traded two picks to Bern to acquire his services. With the off-season and a full VHLM campaign in front of him look for him to continue his solid development and parlay that into fantastic numbers in the VHLM. If he can continue his training regiment he will easily become a key member of the Legion. A solid choice as the last pick in the first round, GM Edgar could look like a genius if Firkley develops into the player he's projected to be.

 

Raphael Pettyfer - C - 118 TPE

Drafted: Round 2, 17th Overall

A gifted sig maker, Pettyfer drafted by Bratislava in the second round of the S40 Dispersal Draft. While they only put up 33 points in 72 games a large part of that can be attributed to only getting third line minutes as the Watchmen were stacked in their top 6. Pettyfer is not afraid to throw the body around and look for them to improve on the 72 hits they threw in S40. They've been very consistent with their training regiment and don't look to slow down as they move forward. The Legion picked up a solid special teams and grinder presence to add to their offensive minded forwards, and Pettyfer will fit in nicely when they make their move to the VHL.

 

David Blind - G - 55 TPE

Drafted: Round 2, 20th Overall

David Blind is a long-time veteran of the VHL and while his training commitment could use a boost he wasn't drafted to pressure Okranitz for the starting position. The Legion management team felt with all the youth their team has that they could use a veteran presence to help mature their core, and Blind fits that bill perfectly. He will be a solid back-up and will be a great voice on the bench and in the locker room to help along the newcomers to the league like Sachimo Zoidberg and Jaime Hill.

 

Charlie Conway - C - 0 TPE

Drafted: Round 3, 23rd Overall

Charlie Conway already announced his retirement during S40 so why he was draft eligible is still a mystery, and why Edgar drafted him is an even bigger mystery that looks to never be answered. The story from those around the Legion draft table was that Edgar was on his laptop, and when someone called his name to alert him it was his pick he slammed it shut and claims he lost the draft list. He refuses to tell anyone what he was doing on the laptop, but one can only assume it was something disturbing. He yelled out 'Charlie Conway' and ran off as that was his last pick.

 

 

 

[Edgar 283]

I was listening to Conway Twitty. His music inspired my final pick.

[twillcox94 21]

Content: 3/3

Good overview of the Legion's draft. They will be a good team in the future, got a lot of young talent in one draft.

 

Grammar: 1.5/2 Nothing major, just some small mistakes added up and bumped you down.

Fedir Okranitz, and

David Blind, and

goaltender department -- > I think it should be goaltending department, but big deal.

VHLM action, he 

Pettyfer was drafted

while they only put up --> while he only put up since you're talking about Pettyfer

look for them -- > look for him ( you kept referring to them instead of him in the entire paragraph )

veteran of the VHL, and while

boost, he wasn't

during S40, so why he

 

Appearance: 1/1

Nicely organized and legible. 

 

Total: 5.5/6

[Jala 922]

Pettyfer is a girl irl so was trying to keep gender ambiguity.

[Edgar 283]

Tbh, a lot of your corrections with commas are not necessary. In fact, in some instances they are not correct. I agree with your them/him judgments however.

[twillcox94 21]

Which ones aren't correct? From what I was taught they should be put in when you read the sentence out loud and it has a natural pause in it. I might be wrong.

[Edgar 283]

You don't need to a comma before the word "and". While a comma before "and" is acceptable, it isn't necessary unless the lack of a comma would lead to confusion.

ex.  Some of the functions of Microsoft word include highlighting, copy and pasting, and underling.  Since copy and pasting can be considered a single function (albeit I don't necessarily consider this to be true), inserting an "and" between them is necessary, and a comma after "pasting" is necessary to avoid confusion.  In scenarios like these, it is necessary to insert a comma before "and", but in most other circumstances, it is largely based on personal preference.

 

All of your other commas I agree with.

Edited December 6, 2014 by edgar

[twillcox94 21]

http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/020204whencommabfand.htm

 

If the word and is joining two independent clauses, you use a comma.

 

The Legion addressed their need for a goaltender by bringing in stud prospect Fedir Okranitz and added to their offensive depth with Raphael Pettyfer and Dirk Firkley.

They added a veteran presence and back-up goalie in David Blind and even drafted a retired player. - It wouldn't flow well at all without a comma.

 

There shouldn't be any worry though, he isn't going to end up getting a mark less than 5.5, so he'll still get his 6 tpe.

[Jala 922]

I don't think Edgar was trying to push my grade, he's just a helpful guy.

[pxzero 65]

Content: 3/3

Nice write-up of the Legion draft picks. Long enough, well thought out, interesting. 

 

Grammar: 2/2  LIke usual, twillcox got most of 'em. 

 

Also I wanted to give you 0/2 for this one:

 

Dirk Firkley - RW - 120 TPE

Drafted: Round 1, 10th Overall

Finley joined the...     You got the player name wrong, 2 lines below the player's introduction. 

 

Appearance: 1/1

Well formatted, easy to read. 

 

Overall: 5.5/6 + 6/6 = 5.75 rounded to 6/6

Edited December 7, 2014 by pxzero

[Jala 922]

I got firkley wrong when i was drafting you as well lmao, dunno why i keep thinking its finley

Edited December 7, 2014 by jaladolar

[Caillean 504]

dirkley

LOL

[James 77]

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