Maple Dogwood's Pizza Perturbance

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For many, pizza is one of their favorite foods.  The versatility, the toppings, everything about it seemingly calls to everyone as a universal love.

 

Unfortunately for rookie phenom Maple Dogwood, he's firmly in that group.

 

"I've always loved pizza.  Thin crust, deep dish, wood fired, coal, it doesn't matter. I've always said that even bad pizza is still pretty good, and it's something that I'd even consider as my final meal if I could.  That's where all these problems started, though," Dogwood said.

 

Because of his prowess on the ice and his affinity for pizza, Maple signed an endorsement deal with a local pizzeria, Pete's Pizza.  But what seemed like a match made in heaven quickly turned into a dystopian hellscape.

 

"My agent hooked me up with Pete's Pizza and it all seemed pretty straight forward. I was going to shoot a couple of commercials, a radio spot here and there, and some in-person grand opening stuff and that was it. It seemed like a great deal, a lot of cash for not a ton of work. Not to mention that I love everything pizza.  So what's not to love?"

The first week of this arrangement went incredibly smoothly for all parties.  Maple filmed the first commercial and things went off without a hitch, but the following week's grand opening was where things went off the rails.

 

Maple met the owner of a newly opened store at 10:00 AM on a Saturday where they were running a grand opening discount.  Everyone who came between 11:00 AM and 8:00 PM got a free slice of pizza and Maple was there to help raise awareness and bring some fans in.  Maple even did some behind the scenes filming where they prepared the day's pizzas which was the first mistake.

 

"The owner had me making some dough and I thought I was following his instructions, but apparently I way over-proofed the dough and it started to rise so much that it quickly burst out of its container and started swallowing up the entire room.  Not only that, but it knocked over a cauldron of piping hot sauce, which then spilled their 500 gallon tank or fresh mozzarella.  The result was a lava type concoction that started pouring out of the kitchen and was flowing towards the front of the store," Maple said.

We heard from an eye witness who gave us a firsthand account of how bad the damage was.

 

"I'm just there trying to get some free pizza and meet my favorite hockey player and all of the sudden I see an enormous, steaming river of molten sauce and cheese racing towards everyone waiting in line.  It was heading towards us so fast that we barely had time to react.  We all started screaming and running for the hills.  I'm never supporting Pete's Pizza or Dogwood again.  I almost lost my life.  It's ruined pizza for me forever, especially when I saw the pizza lava engulf someone's car and melt it down," the eyewitness said.

 

"Look, it was an honest mistake!  I mean I feel terrible, but it could've happened to anyone.  Of course I agreed to pay to renovate that location and pay for that one car to be fixed," Maple said.

 

A Pete's Pizza spokesperson confirmed that their contractual relationship with Maple was cancelled immediately.