DITL - Agustin Martinez

[SleepyPlayz 52]

I was walking down the street, phone in my hand. I was trying desperately to not have my phone fade to black as I heard an old couple commenting on the “youth being addicted to their phones.” I’m not addicted, you old hag. I’m trying not to see someone who I absolutely despise looking at. I know that no matter how hard I try, looking at the ground would always be much better than staring into an empty void. She’s there. She’s right there, I know she is. She’ll be there, following me like the stalker she is. After getting paid, I went out to eat at some restaurant I barely remember the name of. I barely remember the experience, stuck in my own head was the reflection that was showing. If it didn’t cost a hell of a lot, I’d break every single window in my path. Reflections bothered me more than most things. The world is meaningless anyways, I didn’t need to feel this aggressive towards “my” reflection.

 

I had loud music playing in my ears, the world dimming as I focused on the lyrics fighting with my thoughts while I stared at the ground. People often asked me online what the meaning of life was, and to them, I’d say it’s to die; there is no real meaning to our lives. Humans are creatures like many others. Why do any of us have to have a meaning? We die out and the next generation of humans replaces us until the heat death of the universe. Why is this something that needs to be debated, anyways? I don’t get people.

 

I’ve hit one goal in a televised game in the VHLM. It may take another couple of years before I’m good enough for the VHL, but the fact that the shot did go in, as well as the fact that it was easy enough to sink the shot, helped me move on, at least a little bit. It’s something to ease my mind when I know I don’t want to go back home or cross any mirrors or windows. I look much better in a room of distorted mirrors. The woman in the mirror who talks to me, follows me wherever I go, or just when I stare into the mirror keeps annoying me, and she won’t go away despite how many times I decide to try to break her face. I want to mold it, I want to drag her out of the mirror and slam her on the ground repeatedly. She doesn’t exist, though, she’s not real. My therapist says that I might have anger issues, as if it was a question if I do or don’t. She doesn’t realize that I don’t have anger issues. Does she know what it’s like to be trapped? Imagine being a bird in a cage that you just can’t escape from. She also said it sounds like I’ve got nihilistic tendencies, which I just can’t see. An empty void is what this world is, there’s no “living life to the fullest” as most movies tend to show you, there’s just eternal darkness after you die and a larger and larger hole to fill with each year to do something more with your life. According to most definitions, nihilism is the rejection of all religious and moral principles. I don’t reject moral principles nor do I reject all religions or any religious principles. The anger issues, I get a bit more. I do tend to smash every mirror I find, and I’m angrier and snappier.

Therapy doesn’t make sense for me. Nothing’s wrong with me, minus the anger. Nihilism is just a buzzword anyways, it means nothing to me. It’s just adding something to another thing to make it sound more professional and to make us spend more money on healthcare in the United States, apparently. Why do people not understand that they can’t trust a therapist with their problems and should probably just look up symptoms and whatnot by themselves. Self-diagnosing yourself with something is fine as long as you’re 100% positive that what you’re reading fits your character. If it doesn’t, don’t use it. It’s why I hate people claiming to be depressed when they misunderstand the words. 

 

The money from the Wild should keep me afloat for long enough. I might just move out and get my own home or a studio apartment. At least then, I’d have some sort of privacy instead of someone screaming at me to stop breaking everything. They obviously don’t get it, why do they have to ruin everything I do and spin it as if I’m doing something horrible that’s hurting the environment?