P.E.Nes Lost but Not Forgotten

[JCarson 771]

From the Desk of Peter Elliott Nes, Private investigator. 

 

Before I discuss my current case I would like to give an update on the progress of the Case: Selpuchre. I had the opportunity to meet with human scientist and geneticist Nathaniel Essex.  Dr Essex was able to provide insight into the potential for human mutation and the ability to create the perfect human, both from a perspective of having perfect physical and intellectual form but also in potential enhancement into non-human abilities.  It is Dr Essex’s theory that the potential of the human body is nearly limitless.  However, at this point scientific ethics boards do not allow for the experimentation on humans, let alone unborn children so everything discussed is considered purely theoretical. Unfortunately, my investigation may suggest that there are scientists that do not follow the ethical standards set by the medical community and experimentation is going on anyway.  I will continue to investigate in hopes of revealing the truth. 

 

This week’s case, code name Lost but not Forgotten is a pretty simple case with however it has long standing repercussions.  Some people have made comment in the Discord General Chat regarding the unusual silence of the VHL commissioner Acydburn.  It is my unfortunate responsibility to announce that the longtime silence has been the result of a kidnapping.  That is correct Acydburn, Commissioner of the VHL has been kidnapped.  The kidnapper has contacted the VHL general offer, and it appears they have some demand that must be met by Season 100 or Acydburn will not be returned.  Here are the demands as they have been revealed to me. 

 

First demand: 50 new players must be recruited and go through the season 99 draft, this is to prepare for the second demand. 

Second Demand: The VHLE will be reinstated for Season 100, all teams will be fully equipped with players to have a competitive season.  

Third demand: The VHL salary cap must be increased by 10% per year until season 100, player salaries must also be increased 10% per season over that timeframe.  Players deserve to be paid more. 

Fourth demand: Art Vandelay must be put into the VHL Hockey Hall of Fame at the next opportunity. 

Fifth Demand: Hot dogs will be served in all VHL arenas and be free to any fan below the age of 18. As a side note they have to be served with yellow mustard. 

Sixth and Last demand, VHLM Commissioners, Spartan and Gustav must record and post in VHL Discord Genral Chat a rendition of Meatloaf’s song “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”  This must be completed and posted by Jan 30 2025. 

 

The letter sent to the league offices has been noted that if these conditions aren’t met then Acydburn will be returned to the VHL in pieces. Many tiny excruciating pieces. 

At this point in time the league has not decided what they will do.  The remaining commissioners and the Board of Governors has gathered to discuss the situation.  Initial conversations suggest that they may not give into the demands of this “Madman”.  One of the Board of Governors was noted as saying, “Is losing a Commissioner really that bad, honestly I am not sure exactly what they do. 

 

In the meantime as they remaining VHL staff decide what they are doing I will continue to follow up on leads to see if I can locate the individual responsible for kidnapping Acydburn. 

 

From the files of P.E.Nes, Private Dick 

[Gustav 6,489]

On 1/16/2025 at 8:03 PM, JCarson said:

Sixth and Last demand, VHLM Commissioners, Spartan and Gustav must record and post in VHL Discord Genral Chat a rendition of Meatloaf’s song “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”  This must be completed and posted by Jan 30 2025. 

 

OK but I get to be Meat Loaf.