Claimed: Jabby McFullO'Schmidt Rookie Profile

[John Scott 46]

 

Jabby McFullO’Schmdit
Position: Defense
Height: 6’6”
Weight: 240 lbs
Birthplace: Nova Scotia, Canada

 

Jabby McFullO’Schmidt isn’t really a hockey player. He’s more of a prize fighter who wasn’t good enough in the ring so he goes out onto the ice. Jabby is not going to make heads turn: he’s big, he’s bulky, and he’s not too interested in the whole “playing hockey” thing. However, Jabby shows more heart, passion, and loyalty on the ice than any other prospect I have laid my eyes on. Jabby has unlimited potential, so long as GMs and coaches understand that he’s a fighter first, and a hockey player second. Or third. Or eighth.

 

STRENGTHS

Fighting – With the exception of maybe Franky Kalashnikova, Jabby is far and away the greatest fighter the Minors have ever seen. With a solid left jab, Jabby can down just about anyone on the ice in a matter of seconds. Jabby uses his size and weight to out muscle his opponents, and his attitude and courage out hustles anyone who he may drop the gloves against. Jabby’s got a solid mean streak; willing to take one for the team, so long as “taking one for the team” means that he gets to hit and be hit. Jabby isn’t afraid of ejections, suspensions, and maybe the first ever removal from the VHLM. Jabby once took his skate off and beat a guy with it, and I guess only one other person has ever done that before.

 

Checking – Although Jabby can’t skate an inch, his sheer size allows him to knock other skaters off the puck. It even allows him to knock people off the puck, leading to many interference calls. Jabby leads with his elbows, which he calls his signature move, and it causes skaters to think twice before skating within arms reach of the behemoth.

 

Defense – Being such a large individual, Jabby likes to stand near one post and put his body in harms way. By putting his body in harms way, we mean physically catching the puck with his glove and chucking it at opponents he wants to tangle with. Jabby can’t play what we in the hockey business call “defense,” but boy is he great to watch when the team is down 6-0.

 

WEAKNESSES

Faceoffs – Jabby has never won a faceoff in his life. In fact, Jabby has never been allowed to take a faceoff in his life, since he always starts shoving the opposing center and inevitably gets kicked out of the faceoff dot. Even if he didn’t shove and intimidate his competitors, Jabby would not take a successful faceoff since he always seems to hold his stick like a weapon.

 

Penalty Shot – Although pure conjecture, Jabby would not be good on the penalty shot as Jabby would take nearly five minutes to go from center ice to the slot. Jabby takes nearly ten minutes to get off the ice from the penalty box, and most of that is using the momentum he can gain from shoving himself off of other players, including his own. If Jabby were to take a penalty shot, the game may last eons.

 

Discipline – This one is a no brainer, just like Jabby. Jabby has never learned how to control his quite aggressive behavior, and has been known to jab the his own players from time to time. Jabby jabs his teammates not by accident, because when Jabby jabs he always intends to jab. Jabby simply cannot keep his emotions in check, which leads to numerous trips to the penalty box. These trips don’t get Jabby down, because he has made the penalty box his own: with his own punching bag, stashes of cocaine, and a tasteful welcome mat.

Edited July 9, 2017 by John Scott