Poopy Peepants Junior Review

[JardyB10 4,865]

Poopy Peepants with a fellow Independent Grocer employee

Poopy Peepants Junior Review

Jardy's Bunclewirth's Unorthadox Re-Entry into the VHL Scene after 20 Seasons

 

It's tough to review a player's time in the Juniors when that player never reached that level. In fact, the Miami Marauders' newest defenceman, Poopy Peepants, had no prior experience in organized hockey at all, prior to joining the VHLM at the end of S77.

 

Peepants is the first player to come out of disgraced former VHL Commissioner Jardy Bunclewirth's agency since Dragon McDragon declared for the S58 VHL Draft. The depressed and retired Bunclewirth scouted Peepants casually skating on a pond behind his local grocery store. At 6'1 and 211 lbs, the bulky Poopy seemed like the perfect fit into the VHL, and Jardy approached (though some police reports say "kidnapped") the young bagboy about joining the league.

 

Poopy spent the next couple of months being drilled by Bunclewirth. He already knew how to skate stably enough, but the VHL Hall of Famer took the time to improve the young man's strength and technique. Breaking it down into simple tasks, Jardy wanted Peepants' strength to be shutting down opponents trying to break in to the defensive end, and to move the puck up to better players who actually spent their lives playing hockey.

 

After this crash course, Bunclewirth entered Poopy Peepants' name into the VHLM’s mid-season signing system. They agreed to a contract with the Houston Bulls that saw Peepants play four regular season games, and a five game playoff exit to the Mississauga Hounds. While Poopy struggled to find his legs to end the regular season, he did show potential in the short playoff stint, putting up 4 points in the series, blocking 13 shots, and even getting a little bit physical with 12 hits.

 

The following off-season involved more training and drills between Poopy's shifts at the Independent. While Jardy was determined to see improvement with his new, strange Poopy Peepants pet project, he didn't want to make the training too well known, in order to keep the young defenceman's draft stock down. Unfortunately for him, this did not stop Zack Gagnon, GM of the Miami Marauders, from drafting Peepants in the first round at 10th overall.

 

The amount of 7s shown here may lead one to believe Peepants has a lucky streak. Our sources say this is untrue.

 

In his first 11 games with the team so far, the focus of that early two month crash course on the frozen pond is evidently on display. While Peepants is hesitant to take shots, averaging less than one per game, his defensive and playmaking abilities are on full display. His 7 assists/points in 11 games are respectable as a young and inexperienced defenceman, and his hit and blocked shot totals are 7th and 3rd in the league, respectively.

 

Bunclewirth states Peepants will continue to focus on developing the strongest aspects of his game before burdening the young man with the responsibility of scoring goals. The experiment of these two has had respectable results so far, but only time will tell if it works out in the long run.

Edited May 24, 2021 by JardyB10

[AJW 2,156]

Great review, great name, amazing smile lmao

[JardyB10 4,865]

2 hours ago, ajwllmsn said:

Great review, great name, amazing smile lmao

Thank you! Though for record, that’s a random Google Image dude and I’ve basically only ever worked on a farm or a highway.

 

I do still have a cute smile though.

[diacope 1,696]

Serious review for a not so serious player actually turned out nicely and I liked that your older player helped build him into a threat

Edited May 24, 2021 by 16z

[JardyB10 4,865]

2 hours ago, 16z said:

Serious review for a not so serious player actually turned out nicely and I liked that your older player helped build him into a threat

Just not a very threatening threat.

 

He’ll always be a bag boy.