Andy Nexber Aftermath

[The Domino Archives 334]

*Ding*

 

        Huh? Who are you? Oh, that's who you are! Welcome to heaven. Who am I? I'm a guy named Andy Nexber, a never-was hockey player who died in a car crash after I landed in Helsinki! That's a little bit too much to process, right? I know you thought I was retired and all that, no. No I was definitely not. I still wanted to play hockey after becoming a free agent. But I was in a car, cruising down the beautiful Helsinki highway. And then, BOOM! I soon wake up in a place with an ass-bunch of clouds and- Woah! Sorry God! He gets feisty when you say a swear. Yeah. I've stayed up here for about 2 years and was watching a guy named Austin Towbaker. Oh boy, did he have some potential. I soon realized that this guy just got drafted! Please be Vegas, please be Vegas! Wait what?! He was drafted 5th overall by the Ottowa Lynx. I'm watching down on him right now! Oh man, how he has changed. He still has an autograph of every Riga player, including me. Soon after that, hey wow, I'm a free agent now! And when I fly to Helsinki, I get shivers down my spine.

 

       Oh, you want to know about my life after I was a free agent? Sure! I was so sad after my 6-year old niece died in a car crash. Like, 6 people died and everybody was badly injured. I started to drink. It soon became an addiction. Not proud of it, never will. And then my mom died. I started drinking double the beer. I went to the bar so much that everybody knew my name! After that great time at the bar, I got a call from the Helsinki GM, "Hey Andy, Remember me? I'm Rayz! "*burp* Hi Rayzzzzzz-uh how you been, man?" "Is this a bad time?" "No, no, no, it's ok." "Well get over here to Helsinki, I wanted to give you a jersey!" "Sweet man, peace." A week later, I got out of alcohol drinking and flew to Helsinki on an airplane. And then the crash came. What I remember is blood everywhere. I saw a dude named Trey Waterson, a guy from the States. He was dead. Very dead. I was soon shipped to the hospital, and right when my dad come in, boneless. Dead, dead, oh how it sucks. I did have a cigar in my mouth, and I guess I was completely zoinked out of my mind., so you could say it's my fault. No, a dude came crashing in at 110 MPH and went right into Waterson's car and soon pulverized my car. I swear to god I heard him scream "VITTAA KAIKKI, HAHAHAH!" which was Finnish for "Fuck you all, hahahah". He then ran into a lamppost and was killed. I made the Helsinki newspaper headline! "HOCKEY PLAYER DEAD IN CAR CRASH". That was terrible, that experience was terrible. Rayz soon retired the jersey number "78" in my honour. T'was a sad day. Anyways, see ya later, dude!

[The Domino Archives 334]

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