Tavish DeGroot Junior Review

[rory 1,915]

“What makes me a good defenseman? If I were a bad defenseman I wouldn’t be sitting here discussing it with ye now would I?”
 

A quick highlight reel is played showing a young Tavish DeGroot. Clips showing monstrous checks against cutting forwards are intertwined with destructive slapshots and Tavish displaying his ability to contribute on the rush. 

“Not one of ye’s gonna survive this!” He says in the final clip - taken while standing at center ice during warm ups.
 

The camera returns to the initial shot - an exclusive interview with ESPN.mx. “One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablooie!”. The visibly drunk Scotsman takes a swig out of his beer bottle.
 

Another clip is played - the highlight reel goal he scored for Ullapool U-16 Caber’s which landed him a spot in the London United youth’s system. Behind the net, he brutally checks an opponent giving them a severe concussion - the young man would pass away of complications later that year. After the hit, he goes coast to coast, mostly while his opponents were checking on their downed teammate.
 

A clip then plays of him shotgunning a two six of Scotch. After finishing, he very drunkenly, very sadly says to the reporter “"I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops. They've got more f-[long censored]-s than they've got the likes of me.” He pauses, somberly, to collect himself. 
 

(at this point of the junior review, please begin playing this song at 1:00 for maximum immersion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBdQDGGNg8E) 
 

Just as the reporter for ESPN.mx begins to speak, DeGroot interrupts him. “So....t'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!" 
 

DeGroot’s highlight reel clip plays from where it was left - where immediately after the goal the 14 year old Tavish DeGroot returns to the injured opponent he sacrificed to make the play. He stands in a power position over his limp body, and emphatically exclaims “Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... in hell!”. Tavish was suspended from playing ice hockey in Scotland since the event. He was found not guilty on all charges, after threatening to do the same to the entire British justice system.

The camera returns to the interview - where the interviewer gets his first opportunity to question the young VHLM player. “So how did you lose your eye?”  However, Tavish is asleep, loudly snoring in his chair.