Womp Rants

[AdamEss 58]

Womp Womp Womp Womp Womp Jr is very clearly agitated. He can't decide what foot to put his weight on. his eyes shift around the room. His lip curls back in a sneer every so often. Even by the standards of his usual behavior, which some have labelled "high strung", he is notably on edge.

 

"Congratulations to the division leaders the Houston Bullshit." he spits out. "I can't blame 'em really. If you told me I got to go beat up on blind amputees like Mississauga every day for a week and then I could pat myself on the back for winning so much? It's hard to stand here and tell you in good conscious that I'd say no. And bravo to you. Really. My hat's off to how well you've kicked the holy hell out of the worst team in league hsitory that you get to play for almost 20% of your schedule this year. 14 games. 14. I looked it up. We get 6 against them. Somehow. I'm not a schedulographer but I know that doesn't check out. And all your excuses can just keep right on going by. This team is gettin' the easiest road that ever existed and meanwhile we're here slugging it out with the champions every day. And when we get a break from annihilating one another, we get to deal with the other division leader, Miami. We are scrappin' down in the pits over here. Bustin' our asses every day against real competition.

 

He takes a breather from the rapid fire speech and shuffles his feet. The sneer returns prominently to his features as he launches into a continuation of his tirade.

 

"It's easy to give myself some little moral victory." he goes on. "Oh yeah we're workin hard and they're gonna face real teams eventually. Who gives a shit? It don't put points in our column. I'm here for actual victories. And whoever wrote this schedule can kiss my chocolate covered cherry ass. Absolutely brutal. It's not like I'm even mad at Houston. We all know they're gonna fold like their power grid as soon as they deal with real teams. It's the imbalance. Its the fact that we're out here fightin for our lives while they're playing a team that needs to get permission slips from home to go on the road. We ain't even the only team dealin' with this either. This isn't just a Mexico City thing. It's an everybody thing even if none of them wanna stand up and say it. Houston just gets to pancake and cocktail its way to the division lead because they're the only ones playin' Mississauga. Which isn't even a real city. Mississauga is like if Toronto got a tumor and the doctors couldn't remove it. I'm sorry, the doctor would say. The tumor's too gentrified. We can't do anything else. And now they got 17 Tims and think they're real people. Ridiculous. They come to the ice. The screw up everybody else's season by giving the Bullshit this cushy schedule. It's nonsense. 14 games. 14 times that Houston gets to go step on the ice with the fucking Backyardigans and then celebrate. I cannot wait to put the wrath of Cthulu into you fucks."

 

He pauses and looks like he's about to say more but then he just walks off without a word instead.

[nurx 914]

Miami looks at our schedule concerned...

Edited September 15, 2022 by nurx