Brandt Fuhr - Veteran Presence

[Tate 450]

 

 

 

Brandt Fuhr had been made aware that he was wanted in the press conference room to discuss his veteran role on the team.  Veteran role?  He wondered what that meant, these humans were so odd in their ways and customs and although Brandt had moderately adjusted – he still felt like he was living on another planet, and well the truth was that he... er… was. 

 

The living being that was housed inside Fuhr’s frame was an alien in every word, and not at all human – but one that had enough intelligence to understand how to maintain his everyday ruse.  It was critical that he was not caught and allowed to continue his mission to study the Stone of Enchantment and unlock its powers for his own.  It wouldn’t be enough to take this planet, Fuhr would capture the galaxy that encompassed it and continue from there until the entire universe was under his control.  Sure, it was lofty expectations, but that was the sort of power one could gain from the stone… if only he could unlock it. 

 

The path to doing so had alluded him until now and he wondered if the gift the stone could grant was beyond his abilities, what if he wasn’t the chosen one?  What if his successful theft of the stone was like any other in the past… doomed to fail?  But no!  He mustn’t think that way!  For he is the chosen one, destined to rule all galaxies!!!!

 

“Mr. Fuhr?”  A voice called to him from behind, and a completely nude Brandt Fuhr turned to see an assistant from the Vancouver Wolves standing in the doorway to the Wolves dressing room.

 

“Yes?”  Fuhr answered without reacting to the fact that the Wolves assistant was clearly eyeing him up and down.

 

“They’re ready for you…”  The assistant told him.

 

“Very well,” Fuhr said has he strutted forward.

 

“Uhm, Mr. Fuhr?” The assistant seemed to block the dressing room door, looking concerned as Fuhr approached him.

 

“What is the matter?” Fuhr asked, confused.

 

“Would you mind putting some pants on?” The assistant asked as he motioned to Fuhr’s nude body.

 

“What!?” Fuhr remarked, “You do not approve of my magnificent figure?!?”

 

“I do, sir,” The assistant said with a hint of genuine honesty, “It’s just that it is not appropriate to be nude on camera.”

 

“Very well,” Fuhr huffed, “You humans are confusing.”  Fuhr looked around and donned the first jock strap he could find and strolled into the press conference room, both stunning the audience of reporters and also forcing looks of admiration at his Greek, Godlike, body.

 

 

 

 

“I am here now!” Fuhr yelled into the microphone with his mouth about an inch away from it, “Ask me your questions!”

 

“Brandt, what does it feel like to be a veteran on the team?”

 

“A veteran!? What is this word?”

 

“Uh… a senior leader… an experienced member.”

 

“Ah yes!” Fuhr yells out, “It feels good! Thanks!”

 

“Brandt, how does it feel different than being a rookie?”

 

“Cookie!?  Where!?  I am very hungry.” Fuhr stands up and the room gasps and marvels at his nearly naked frame. “You lie!” Fuhr calls out as he points at the reporter, “There are no cookies here!”

 

“I said rookie, Brandt.”

 

“I know not what you mean, fool!” Fuhr is noticeably angry, “And the next time you mention cookies you bring cookies to me, understand?”

 

The reporter nods.

 

“I am done now,” Fuhr said as he stood, “I make many plans now to rule the galaxy. Soon, all of you will be my slaves and only the best cookie makers will rule this world!! So start cooking fools!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

 

Fuhr exited the room while everyone stood in silence, until somewhere in the ground a reporter was heard saying, “Did you see the pecks on that guy?”

 

(623 words)