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Ottawa; Rise Of John


John Cimarno

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Long time ago, in a town quite little, a man named John created his VHL player. He is now known as John Richards. This is his story.

 

John Richards has an IQ of a goldfish, all he knows is that he likes 2 people who also seem to have goldfish IQ's and that he goes on the ice to score goals. He attempts this by swinging his stick violently at a random fan in the stands. How unfortunate. Poor John who's been struggling to score for unknown reasons, has been putting up assists to compensate for his lack of goal scoring production. The fans he swings his sticks at leave the arena scared and worried. He went on record to say "I thought they were corn dogs so I ate my cookie and drinked my skateboard yesterday." As you can tell from this statement, Richards isn't aware of his low IQ level and is quite confident in the things he says.

 

He aspires to be like Serena Williams but he doesn't know that she's a tennis player so that may explain the violent waves of the sticks mid game. He has had many lawsuits filed against him but due to pure insanity and again more violent stick waving the judge got so scared that they overturned the case. Richards is quite the menace and in his free time he goes up a hill just to cut the grass with a spoon. His friends Lachlan and Sadie thinks he is smart so they ask them to read them a picture that they drew for him in spanish. 

 

This is the end of Richards' truly chaotic story.

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