Commish for the Day - Or How I would Tank Something Amazing

[Aimee 1,074]

Hello all. Thank you for hiring me as the new commissioner. I hope that together we can make this league the happiest one on Earth. So, as the new commissioner of the VHL, I have some changes that I would like to make. I’m sure you are all dying to know what I am going to do; with baited breath and on the edge of your seats. I’m sure all of my decisions will be super popular and not create any problems for the league, the site, or cause us to hemorrhage members. 

 

1. All members must pay an entry fee every day that they log into the site. The site will be broken up into five sections (parks, if you will) and you will have to pay to enter each section of the site. Unless you buy a section hopping bundle which will allow you to visit all parts of the site. However, it will cost eight times as much instead of five times as much. Also if you purchase a section hopping bundle, you must decide the day before which section you want access to first. You may only access that section first and once you leave, you will not be able to return to that section until the following day, assuming you once again purchase a site pass.

2. Inclusion of the LGBTQIA+ community will be relegated to Pride Month only and really only for a few evenings for adults and some performative activism. But don’t worry, our stores will be filled with merchandise because even though our care and support is surface level, our desire to suck every dollar from our customers runs deep in these capitalistic times.

3. While the VHL does not currently have an overall mascot, that will be changing. We are currently working hard to find any and all loopholes in the legal system to change the laws around the public domain so that we can steal other people’s ideas and characters only to then close the loophole behind us and hold onto the characters for infinity and beyond.

4. We will be starting to hire staff who will have to pay initially to join our staff and will be paid well below a living wage so that they must rely on the VHL for most of their basic needs such as food, clothing and housing. We will also make them work long hours in hot temperatures slaving away at the coding in order to make the VHL as profitable as possible. And when those staff members are inevitably treated poorly by trolls, we will take some performative steps in order to show that we support our staff members. However, nothing will actually change and we will continue to let them be treated like trash.

5. Finally, we will be building a whole new part of the site that will cost hundreds of millions of dollars to put together, and will cost every person who wishes to access it at least $5,000 for a minimum of 2 days and nights.

 

504 words for week ending 7/9/2023
 

[Spartan 4,272]

Visney Hockey League could be a cool rebrand

Edited July 3, 2023 by Spartan