Wayne Gretzky Is Not A Rookie, But Facing Him Is An Experience

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Wayne Gretzky is not a rookie and quite frankly, Wayne Gretzky is insulted and appalled that you would force Wayne Gretzky to write about Wayne Gretzky’s first season in the VHL for TPE. Nonetheless, that is what Wayne Gretzky will do.

 

After devastating the VHLE to a point that no VHLE fan will ever feel the same joys again, Wayne Gretzky goes into training or, as Wayne Gretzky refers to it, “asserting dominance”. From the moment he opens the doors to the Americans training facility, it’s evident that Wayne Gretzky is the king of the ice as players, coaches, physios, admin staff, the canteen workers and even the mayor of New York make sure that they are in attendance to show their respect with a guard of honour for the multi-time NHL MVP Wayne Gretzky. Most would be in awe of such a show of respect, but Wayne Gretzky just sees it as another Tuesday. 

 

Wayne Gretzky then goes upstairs to meet his subordinate General Manager. The General Manager goes out of his way to say he couldn’t be more excited to see Wayne Gretzky finally set foot on VHL ice, but this is not what Wayne Gretzky wants to know. Wayne Gretzky utters four words: “One point five million”. Wayne Gretzky isn’t amused and isn’t playing around, the contract Wayne Gretzky currently holds is the lowest possible contract offer a VHL player can possibly have. The General Manager frantically starts gesticulating and looking for reasons to blame such as the salary cap and the restrictions on rookie contracts. Wayne Gretzky is not here for excuses though, Wayne Gretzky is here for answers. 

 

“Wayne Gretzky is going to give you 100 goals and 100 assists per season from day one. These are not numbers plucked out from thin air, these are numbers born from facts and the facts show that Wayne Gretzky is the greatest hockey player of all time. Now the contract is agreed, so Wayne Gretzky will not make demands for you to change said contract but next season that contract isn’t there and you will want more Wayne Gretzky just like every other VHL team wants more Wayne Gretzky. My advice would be this time next season I’m adding an extra word to what I said earlier: “One hundred point five million” or maybe we aren’t having this conversation next season.”.

 

With the meeting concluded, Wayne Gretzky saunters down to the practice rink, looks up at the General Managers window and pings three pucks from mid-ice into the roof of the net, the practice goalie looking devastated. The situation is now clear, the VHL is about to experience “rookie” Wayne Gretzky, and they aren’t ready for it.