Dog Jagr's Biography

[koty_k 13]

Hi, my name is Jagr and I am a dog and now a professional hockey player. They call me dog Jagr. My human thinks I can play hockey. When I was a pup, I had legs and my human would say, “you have hockey sticks for legs”. That is why they named me after Jaromir Jagr. I was only eight weeks old when my human came and picked me up. I was really scared of him at first. But when we got home, he laid me on the bed and I went to sleep. He was setting up my crate but since I fell asleep, he allowed me to sleep in the bed. But, I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I did not know what to do besides like my human’s face. He woke up and then took me outside where I could release myself. He was so happy that I was already potty trained. I was the cutest of puppies, I was told I had a big ol’ head and a small body when I was a pup.

But the next day, my human took me to the stupid vet. The doctor was not happy that I weighed so little for my age. Then the stupid doctor stuck me with needles that really hurt. I was not happy. But then, the doctor let me go and I was finally out of that office. My human finally took me shopping because I was hungry. He got me some swag that I could wear and some food, some treats and some toys. Later that day, I went and saw my grandparents, my aunt and uncle who were not humans, they were like me. And I ended up pooping in the garage because my stomach was upset. But, the humans were not mad at me. They were all holding their noses though. They said I was a “stinky puppy”.

A few days later, while my human was at work, I had to poop but I was in my create. When my human came home, I could tell he was exhausted, but he could definitely smell the poop that came out of me. It was all over me too because I rolled in it. The human was not pleased. He put my crate outside and then he put me in the bath. I did not like the bath. The water was scary. And I was clean, but I did not like to be clean.

The first couple of months were fun with my human. I did not like my human’s roommates. They were nasty with my human and I barked at them. They did not get scared of me because I was small. I thought I was big and powerful since I was part pitbull and lab. But then, we moved to my nanny and pappy’s house. I got to play with my uncle and aunt. They did not like playing with me because they were a lot smaller. My aunt split my ear open with her teeth. I then had to go to the stupid vet again and get staples in my ear. They really hurt. A few months later, I had to go to the vet yet again. I just remember them giving me a shot and I woke up with a cone on my head. I felt pain in my lower body below my tummy. Not sure what they did to me. But my human was laughing at me because I had a cone on my head.

After a while, my human brought me over to another human’s apartment. I got so excited and started jumping all over her and licking her and she was giving me butt rubs and belly rubs. Over the next few months, we would go over there a lot. Eventually, we went over there and I am still here. I started calling that other human mommy. I was happy that I had two humans now. However, I forgot to mention the stinky cat mommy has. He does not like me at all. When he sees me, he hisses at me and all I want to do is play with him. When he runs, I chase him and the humans yell at me. I just want to sniff him and play.

A few years later, the humans got another dog. They forced her to be my sister. I was not happy because she takes all the attention. She forces herself to get all the pets and leaves none for me. She always wants to play with me and it is so annoying. She has so much energy, it is just too much for me. I am a grumpy dog when she is around. Sometimes I will play with her. However, the one thing I will not compromise on is giving my sister the bed when we all go to bed. She has to sleep on the floor on blankets while I sleep with the humans.

My humans said since I am older, I have to get a job. So, I am becoming a hockey player. I plan on jumping on the opposing player with the puck and bite him till he submits the puck to me. I will be the best hocky player ever!