How Big Macken Fries Became A Hockey Player

[YetiTaz 6]

A first-person account from Big Macken Fries:

"Have you ever been pranked? 

 

"Have you ever been pranked by Siri?

 

"Siri thinks it's very funny to prank me. Like, when I ask for directions to the nearest McDonald's and Siri sends me to the local health club instead. 'You don't need McDonald's. Your arteries are already so clogged, the local Roto-Rooter can fix them.' Oh, Siri, you are so funny. So very funny.

 

"Why am I telling you this? Because it relates to how I ended up playing hockey for the Saskatoon Wild.

 

"It started when I heard about a contest on the radio. A thousand-dollar giveaway. I was to report to the specified location, sign some papers, enter a drawing, see and then I could win all this money I could apply towards a lot of McDonald's Happy Meals!

 

"So, here we are. I got in the car and Siri gives me these directions. I should have been suspicious when I pulled up to this ice hockey arena, but I didn't think much of it at first. Sports teams are always doing these kinds of promotions to help bring in fan interest and all that. And, to be honest, I was a little hypnotized by the idea of a thousand dollars' worth of free McDonald's. So, I got out of my car, hitched up my pants, try to hide my belly you know, and waddled over down to the place where they was having people sign them papers to win that money.

 

"Again, I shoulda kinda probably seen the red flags when everyone else looked like a professional athlete while I had the body of a professional WoW player. But. again, those McDonald's French fries were calling my name and clouding my judgment. 

 

"So, here I am taking them papers to sign up for that contest. And, even the woman with the hair in a bun and glasses on her nose was looking at me kinda funny. Why would they be surprised that someone is signing up for a free money drawing? Again, I shoulda had them red flags telling me something ain't what it seems. But I could taste that butterscotch chocolate malt just as soon as my fingers touched the paper and all doubts and insecurities just melted away.

 

"I was gonna win a thousand dollars and go by some fast food!

 

"I took the papers, signed them and was about to be on my way when this pretty little gal took me and led me towards the locker room area. Now, the red flags were starting to buzz in my brain. Pretty little gals like her don't ever be seen walking with me. Then, I met some grumpy fella who smelled like cigarettes, and he started handing me ice skates and this stick. What is going on? At what point in my life did I take a left turn and end up here?

 

"An hour later and I am on the ice, sucking air while praying I can feel my legs again some time in my life. Seems that this there Sassakatwan (I can't even say that word) Wild were very very VERY short on hockey players and Siri, instead of taking me to the radio station to sign up for this thousand-dollar drawing, had taken me to sign up to play hockey for Soskateen. 

 

"Very funny, Siri. Very funny."

 

(564 words) 

[jacobcarson877 2,529]

If the Hot Dog man taught us anything, never judge a hockey player by their physique! Whatever works for Mack works for me!