Claimed: It's Christmastime: A Scouting Report

[cosbornballboy 14]

"Ya know, they always say "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake." They always say it. But who do they say it in reference to? Yeah, big boy Santa. That's who. He gets all the credit. And what do I get? Nothing. So you know what, I'm taking my talents elsewhere."

 

 

Those were the comments from newest Goalkeeper entering the VHL Elfon Ashelf. What set him off, we may never know. But one thing is for certain. He will not be using his size to guard these shots. So we assume we will be seeing a hard dependency on his God-given ability of agility and quickness as an Elf. He will be hopping back and forth to guard the posts. Asked about his lack of development recently, he had this to say:

 

"Well, shit, what do you expect? It's only just now Christmas time, I was doing my job of watching everyone around the world up until now."

 

We got a chance to sit down with Elfon, here is how the interview went:

 

CBB: Thank you for letting us sit down with you, Elfon, we know you're trying to grind out that development right before the draft, it must be tiring, so we appreciate this.

 

EA: No problem, my man, let's get down to the thick of it now rather than later.

 

CBB: Well, let's look at first, where would you prefer to go? Let's ask team by team and hear your thoughts.

 

EA: Alright, shoot.

 

CBB: First, the Yukon Rush.

 

EA: Well let's just talk location right now, ok?

 

CBB: Absolutely.

 

EA: Well I mean, sure Yukon is Canada and you'd assume us elves would love Canada but I'm the Elf on a Shelf. I go anywhere I'm needed. And Canada just isn't my place. Especially not Yukon. And I'm not too sure about the branding of the team, it's just a bit off. I'll play if I get picked there, though, as a goalie can't be too picky these days...

 

CBB: Well how about the Las Vegas Aces then?

 

EA: To be honest, this is probably my favorite team here. Las Vegas, the heart of Western America, and the Aces is just great branding for a city like Vegas, I really like this option.

 

CBB: Alrighty then, can we take a look at Ottawa, the Lynx?

 

EA: I like the branding on this one, but I have the same issue here with Canada as I do with Yukon.

 

CBB: Well then maybe not Canada, how about Oslo?

 

EA: Too close to my former workplace, and Santa visits often there while WE do all the work, and I'd feel awkward bumping into him there, ya know?

 

CBB: Yeah I feel you. How about the Saskatoon Wild?

 

EA: This is the only place in Canada that I like. Saskatoon is the home of the dreamiest, sexiest teen heartthrob in the whole world, Carson Shmyr. I love him, I follow him on Instagram, and he's always on my nice list.

 

CBB: Well then. I guess we're done here. Thank you Elfon, best of luck.

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Review:

Elf On a Shelf is definitely a creative name to use for a VHL player.

Funny article, man.