Claimed:Hanz Backenbauer Rookie Profile

[Seventy-Four 16]

                                            Hanz Backenbauer Rookie Profile        

 

                                            

 

                                       Birthday: February 4th, 1994 (20 years old)

                                       Hometown: Vaduz, Lichtenstein

                                       Position: Left Defenseman

                                       Player Type: Offensive Defenseman

                                       Jersey Number: #4

 

 The wild party animal from Vaduz didn't look like he had much of a chance. At only 16 (and three quarters) years old, Hanz and his now descended brother Franz were faking IDs and sneaking into nightclubs every night in Ottawa when they were both picked off of waivers by the Ottawa Lynx in the VHLM. Hanz would show up hungover to most practices, and a few times even at the games. But Hanz had an impressive streak of games, with 4 points in 5 games and showed he could play with the big boys with 16 hits. His performance led the Brampton Blades to draft him late in the Season 35 VHLM draft, he would of gotten drafted earlier, but his 'work ethic' and 'team commitment' was seriously lacking. Hanz didn't do a whole lot to prove them wrong with just a measly 27 points in 72 games, but managed to be a +21 and threw around all 175 pounds of him, resulting in 134 hits. Most VHL teams weren't willing to draft him because of his off-ice antics and how he showed time and time again how immature he was, the Rocklundahallen Iron Eagles liked the promise that was shown in the young man and drafted him with the first pick in the third round. Things would change over the off-season, his twin brother and protector on the ice, Franz died in a drunk driving incident. That changed Hanz forever. He stopped partying and put all his anger on the ice.His anger turned into 103 penalty minutes and 172 hits. But despite his decent performance, the Blades had another horrible season.

 

 Hanz has been training hard all off-season, and has promised the fans of Brampton that he WILL carry the team because Brampton hasn't had a ring carrier for too long.

 

                        Cons

 

 

 Checking- Despite what his stats may suggest, Hanz is a small guy in a big league and just can't hit with the best of 'em.

 Strength- One thing you don't want to be as a defense is weak. And that is what Hanz is. He's wobbly on his skates sometimes and needs to learn how to out muscle other players if he wants to be a legendary defenseman. But first, he has to spend countless hours in the gym.

 Fighting- Hanz fights like a Russian. Enough said.

 Scoring- Hanz is more of a passer, and can barely shot.

 

 

 Hanz fights for the first time.

 

                          Pros

 

Passing- He's an offensive defenseman, right? Breakaway passes, banking it off the boards, tape to tape in tight passes, cross ice passes, cross crease passes... this kid can pass like a professional. He doesn't have a cannon shot, so it's probably better that way...

Skating- Much like Bobby Orr, Hanz can streak down the ice and you'll just see a red jersey. His speed can get him out of sticky situations which he gets himself into often. He's the VHLMer you want on your breakout play.

Puck Handling- Hanz feels good when the puck is on his stick. His eyes light up, he always wants the puck on his stick. 

 Defense- In recent years, Hanz has really stepped up defensively. He uses his hockey stick well and is able to play on other units other than the Powerplay.

 

                                                                 Miles to go, but he's not that far away. 

963 words

Edited March 2, 2014 by Timothy Oshie

[Seventy-Four 16]

Not to be a bitch or anything, but can I get this graded ASAP?

[Guest Svoboda_3]

Content: 5/5

You had that introductory paragraph that I often look for, combined with the pros and cons, which were brief, but not necessarily required. You did a good job here overall.

Grammar: .5/1

Minor things added up here.

 

games and showed = games, it showed

draft = Draft (more or less looking for consistency pertaining to capitalizing an event)

of = have

he was, the Rocklundahallen = he was. The Vasteras

ice.His = ice. His

too long = very long

weak. And = weak, and

barely shot = barely shoot

cross crease = cross-crease

a cannon shot = a cannon of a shot

 

Appearance: 1/1

Maybe spacing between your listing of pros and cons, but otherwise, nothing wrong with this.

Over 500 Words? 1/1

580 words, not 963. I punched it into Microsoft Word.

Overall 7.5/8

[Seth 92]

Content: 5/5- Had solid pro's and con's, plus an adequate amount of context about your specific player. Overall, well done from your end!

 

Grammar .5/1- Your writing is fine for the most part, but if you reviewed it before posting, I am more than confident several errors would have been caught from your end. I could have added another slight error or so, but I think the review lesson here is far more essential.

 

Appearance 1/1- Yes

 

Over 500 Words? 1/1- Yup

 

Overall 7.5/8

 

Final 8/8

[Guest]

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