VSN - Interview with the Starload

[Dil 1,760]

Alright. So I’ve spent the last week trying to get in contact with Diljodh Starload. I’ve heard he has not been to any training camps or practices in the past week as a protest to stay in the VHLM another season. To find out the truth and to get some answers I set out on a mission to find him.

 

December 20th

I took a flight out to Oslo to get in contact with the Starload himself to figure out his story and what was the reason he had completely skipped practices and the offseason training. Usually he’s the first one to the rink and always up for extra curricular practicing (extra tpe). I headed over to Trifectas office for answers. There trifecta lay on a couch inside of his tiny office. Clearly drunk. I counted 8 empty cans of beer and from what I can see a couple extra small condoms. I woke the Oslo GM up and asked him a couple question.

 

Reporter: Mr. Trifecta? Are you awake?

 

Trifecta: Huh? Wh-what? Who the hell are you? Get the f*ck out of my office. Who the sh*t let you in here you f*cking crackhead!

 

Reporter: I’m a junior reporter from the VSN. I was trying to locate Mr. Starload. Do you have any information on where I can find him?

 

Trifecta: Oh um. Yikes he hasn’t been here for a long time. He told me he was heading home to Vancouver for the weekend and he’d be back but hasn’t returned. I need to find the kid too. If you can find him let me know. Sorry about yellin at ya before.

 

And so I left. I booked the next available flight out to Vancouver and left.

 

December 21st

 

I arrived at YVR at noon on the 21st. I had no idea where to go. I guess I should have thought about this before but hey it’s an adventure. I remembered that a I had seen in a couple press conferences that he used to walk to his local rink everyday. This meant he must live awfully close to the rink. I called all the local ice rinks I could find numbers for and asked if they new anything of Starload or had seen him. After about 9 phone calls I found someone who said he used to play here as a kid. After asking if they new where he lived they replied saying that his mothers house is on the same block as the rink. So I headed over to his mothers house in hopes of her knowing where he was.

 

I got to Starload’s mothers house pretty late and she invited me inside for milk and cookies without even asking my name. I asked her a few questions about Dil.

 

Reporter: So ma’am do you have any clue about where I could find Dil? I’m a reporter for the VSN and I really need to ask him a few questions.

 

Mrs. Starload: Oh goodie! Here eat some more cookies I’ll get you his number.

 

Well that was easy. His mother really shouldn’t be giving his number out so easily but what ever it works for me. I decided to give him a call the next morning.

 

December 22nd

 

The following morning I gave the number a call.

 

Ring Ring Ring

 

Reporter: Hello? Mr Starload?

 

Starload: Huh who the f*ck is this and how the hell did you get my number you f*cking creep. I’m going to knock the living sh*t out of you fa*CENSORED*

 

Oh boy that words not allowed to be published

 

Reporter: Sir I’m a reporter with the VSN I justness need to ask a few questions.

 

Starload: You know what? I’ll answer none of your f*cking questions you twat. Go drown you son a b*tch

 

Call Ended

 

That was extremely disappointing. Although it seemed like this was the end, I had one last idea that could possibly work.

 

December 22nd

 

This was my last day in Vancouver before I had to fly back home. I had to use my last option to try to get answers out of Starload...

 

I drove back to his mother’s house and I got his address. (seriously this is a security concern his mother needs to stop giving people his information.) I drove over to the address I got from his mother and rang the doorbell. A couple minutes later Dil came to the door.

 

Starload: Urgh who are you

 

Reporter: Hey I’m the reporter who called you earlier. Don’t close the door I’ll pay for an interview.

 

Starload: Hmm. How much?

 

Reporter: Let’s see here... I have... $56, a pack of gum, 2 cigarettes, hmm... and oh wait do you have venmo?

 

Starload: Uh huh.

 

I sent him $500 and he allowed me 10 minutes of his time. He invited me into his apartment which was an absolute mess. It smelt like piss and it was obvious he hadn’t cleaned in a long time. He told me to have a seat but there was a green substance on the chair so I just stood for the interview.

 

Reporter: So I’ve heard you haven’t showed up to practices or training camp the past week. Is that true?

 

Starload: Oh f*ck that was this week? God damn it.

 

Report: Okay... I’ve also heard rumours that you were doing this on purpose just to play in the VHLM another season. Is this true?

 

Starload: Bullsh*t! Do you think I’m lying to you? Oh man I would never do such a thing! *Sips Beer*

 

Reporter: Oh okay then. I also had a word with Mr. Trifecta and he said you were not in contact with him either this past week. Is this also true?

 

Starload: I let you into my home and you’re throwing shade at me? How f*cking dare you. Get your sorry ass out of my house right fucking now before I tear you a new asshole!

 

And that’s exactly what I did. I f*cking ran. That was an absolute failure of an interview. Maybe next time