I thought this was America. The Randy Marsh Story

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Growing up in the small town of South Park, Colorado was peaceful for young Randy Marsh. The son of Marvin and Grandma Marsh, Randy and his half brother Jimbo played pond hockey most afternoons after school. When he wasn’t busy with his harebrained schemes, that almost always failed, Randy was busy watching the sport he loved and studying its players. 

While he was never the smartest player on the ice, Marsh worked 3 times as hard to make a difference on the ice. He would arrive early and stay late after practice, trying to improve his skills. Fighting on the other hand, came quite naturally and as he rose through the ranks,

 

Randy spent almost as much time playing as he did sitting in the penalty box or in the dressing room being stitched up after a tilt. His catchphrase “I thought this was America” became popular around rinks in Colorado and would be chanted by fans every time he’d fight. 

 

After several concussions and what is likely massive brain trauma, doctors told Marsh he couldn’t fight anymore, lest another blow to the head really turn the lights out. That harsh reality made Marsh question if hockey was really the sport for him. Perhaps hemp farming or owning a blockbuster may be more his calling. 
 

 

But after a few trips with Jimbo to “thin out numbers” on some deer, and a heart to heart or two, Randy decided he could refine his game and become an actual hockey player and not just a goon. 

 

He hit the gym with a commitment never seen before in his hometown and low and behold, by the time midget tryouts began, he was considered one of the best defenders in the Western United States. 

 

Scouts from all over were flying in to watch him play and ask him how he turned into such a good player so quickly. He’d always reply that drinking a large swing of Butters’ Creamy Goo, gave him the drive and energy he needed to compete at a high level. The smarts for hockey that he had also gained, he attributed to geology. (We’re just as confused by that as you are.) 

 

And then one day a representative from the VHL came along inquiring about his desire to play professionally. Randy was thrilled beyond belief, called an enthusiastic “see ya!” to his quiet mountain hometown and made his way for a trial with the big league in the big city. 
 

Only time will tell how high Randy can fly. But with his teammates and always telling himself “don’t forget to bring a towel”, he knows the sky is the limit